Everyday he’d put on a fake face, just to please his colleagues. At work they would call him Ronald, but at home his kids called him the devil and his wife Liz, called him Ron. We knew that if he found out that we called him evil, we would be in danger. More than we already were. When he’d come home, he would show his true self. Violent, angry, and flat out nasty, as if he had no feelings for the ones he should have loved the most. Only, it was quite the opposite. The worst part though, is that I had to live with that monster.
Coming home from school, my little brother and I got off the bus at the same stop everyday. I was scared to go home because my dad would be there. Wishing that every time I walked through that door, it will be a new day. Although, that never happened. He always acted the same. He didn’t even seem to realize his actions because he would drink to a point where he would simply blackout. Hopefully, tomorrow is the day things would change, and we could finally be a normal functioning family.
Jumping off the last step of the bus with my brother James, I looked around for my older brother Jason, who is three years older than me. Jason was twelve at the time, meaning I was nine and James was eight. Jason was supposed to pick James and I up after school everyday as it was his responsibility, but he wasn’t there waiting at the bus stop like he usually did. One of my neighbor’s Cailyn, who was waiting for her son to get off the bus as well, knew what I was doing, so she insisted on walking my brother and I home. I sweetly replied with a yes since I couldn’t find Jason and was scared to walk home with just James because we were so young.
On the way home, I started to wonder where Jason was. I wondered to myself, “What if something happened to him? What if he was attacked?” This could have been a possibility considering that we didn’t live in the nicest area of town. I just couldn’t help but wonder if he was okay or not, but I had to reassure myself that he was fine since worrying wouldn’t make the situation any easier. When Cailyn, her son Ty, James, and I got to my house, I said thank you as she walked back towards her own with her son. When she walked into her house with Ty and closed the door, I started to walk up the wooden stairs that led to our apartment door as James followed close behind me. We walked slowly up the stairs because I was afraid that our dad would yell at us for stomping or walking too loudly since the stairs creaked often. As soon as we reached the top, I told James to be quiet and wait a couple stairs below, just in case something was wrong because I heard our mother crying and telling our father to stop.
I slowly opened the door and walked inside with my head down, facing the ground. When I raised my head, I saw our own father holding a long, sharp, silver knife up to Jason’s throat, as he held him in a choke hold position. Seeing the fear in his eyes, I could tell that Jason was struggling and that he was very afraid. He was crying so much and I had to do something, anything. Only, how could I do something when the person I looked up to the most was petrified and shivering with fear? Tearing my stare away from Jason, eyeing the man I dared to call my father. Seeing the vicious look in his eyes when he looked at Jason brought me back to reality. It took all the strength in my body to yell, “Stop!” My throat felt dry, and I was nervous, but I didn’t need him to see that, I couldn’t let him see that I was truly weak.
When my dad came to his senses and finally heard me, he looked up, dropped Jason and hid the knife behind his back. He said, “Hey sweetie! Why don’t you go do your homework. Where’s James?” I was so fed up with him. I had tears in my eyes and boy was I fuming. I was close to letting them flow down my face, but I kept them in. I didn’t want him knowing that he can have the upper hand in this case.
Then without holding back my words, I said, “Jason- go outside and talk to James until you have calmed down.” Surprisingly, he did as I said. Then I continued, “Who cares about homework! What is wrong with you! You are supposed to be a dad! Not someone who is sick in the head and wouldn’t mind killing his kids! You are the worst father in the world! Did you know that? Stop acting as if you are an innocent person and start working on being a good dad for once and for the love of God-stop being two faced!” His face was stone cold and expressionless. I thought he was going to beat me with all the strength he had. Out of everything he could have done, he just fell to his knees and started to bawl his eyes out. When he got up he came over to me and gave me a hug. He said, “I will try to be better. I am so sorry.” For some reason, I believed him. Although, I didn’t at the same time.
A couple months have passed since that incident. So far, so good. I haven’t heard my dad yelling at anyone when I walk through the door yet. I still have been having my wall up lately because I know my dad has anger issues and I know if you do one thing wrong that he doesn’t like, it’s like he will actually bite your head off. He has been staying in his own bubble in his room watching sports on the TV. My siblings and I know to stay out of there when he is watching something or asleep. Unless it is an emergency, the only one allowed in there is my mom.
He has been getting a lot better lately though. It was surprising to me that he could keep his promise for this long. Even some days, he has offered to drive my brothers and I to school. Of course we accept his offer, because we don’t want to know what will happen if we reject his proposal.
I can’t say that I was surprised when he started drinking again. During the night when he thinks we are asleep, he starts yelling at mom. The only thing louder than him was the sound of my mom's sobs. He has been working out and I am just small. All I can think about is what would happen if I stood up to him again. Life hasn’t been getting any better. One night my dad came home drunk. He kept looking at my mom with such an icy glare- you could feel the hatred that poured out of them. They were both sitting in the living room and I was sitting at the kitchen island where I had a perfect view of them. I saw my mom say the word “ Yes” and all of a sudden, my dad got up and slapped her right across the face. Making the crooked glasses on her face fall off.
She started crying and I did the same. I ran over to them, as did my brothers and we all pulled at my father as he tried moving towards her. He angrily shrugged us off of him and approached my mom. He got on top of her, pinning her to the hard wooden floor. He raised his left arm in the air creating a fist that was a little bit bigger than an orange. Just before he could lay a finger on her, Jason's body slammed into him at the side in an attempt to get him off of mom. My father fell to the floor on the right side of my mother. Tears were streaming down my face and I couldn’t hear anything around me for a couple of seconds as awful thoughts roamed around in my head. As I drifted off into the awful idea of what would happen next, my brother interrupted my thoughts by saying, “If you don’t knock it off, dad, I will call the co-cops.” He stuttered as if he was afraid to finish his sentence.
His words brought shock and worry to my face. Not just mine, but to James, my mom, and my dad's face. His expression quickly changed to anger as he looked over to my brother. I didn’t know what to do next other than to back my brother up.
I ran and got the home phone, dialed the numbers 911 and bluntly said, “Yeah dad. Either you calm down and leave, or I call the cops and you go to jail.” He then got up off the ground and said, “Fine.” and that was it. Not too long after, We had to move because my dad lost his job. It was his own fault. He went to work hungover and said some things to his boss and now has to work as a carpenter for some other company. Since he is making less money, he has to worry about paying the bills on time. Which has created a problem. With now five kids in the house, there needs to be more food. My dad doesn’t know that I know about the money problems, but I do.
Now instead of putting on a face for his co-workers, he puts on a face towards the one child he can’t fool. Not even for a second. He tries to anyway. As if he can’t let go of something that isn’t even there.
Lately, there hasn’t been any food and my dad is struggling to pay bills. I know that he and my mother have been doing drugs. If he spent his money wisely, we wouldn’t be in this mess. My mother doesn’t have a job, because she was born in South Africa, and that is where her original birth certificate is. When my parents got married, a couple months after the wedding, my dad ripped up my mom’s ID and all of the other important paperwork she needed in order to work. That is why she isn’t eligible for any jobs. The only thing she can do is just walk around Manchester and pick up cans and exchange them for money at the vending machines.
What really had me by surprise, is the fact that I never knew we were being evicted. Even more surprising than that was the fact that my parents placed an emergency call to a group home called TLC. Which stands for transitional living center, and that is where my two brothers Jason and James and I were placed. As for my younger siblings Justin and Julia, they were placed in a regular foster home. Their foster mother was Dina Cross-Kently. They liked it there. On the other hand, Jason and James thought TLC was torture. In their perspective, my father wasn’t the bad guy, TLC was. After being in TLC for almost two years, a couple that lived in Stratford, said they’d be willing to take in all of my siblings and myself. At first I thought that they weren’t going to be able to do it, but they kept up with us for a year and then I ended up being right from the very beginning.
Later on, I found out that they were just using the money they got from DCF to help pay for an IVF so they could have a kid of their own. They ended up being the bad guys in my eyes. Although my brothers thought they were the good guys in this case, I could see right through that couple because they picked favorites, and the way they treated me was unfair.
Not long after, I was placed with the Cross-Kently family with my sister Julia. My brothers Justin and James were placed with this an extremely nice gay couple, Duglas and Curt who spoiled them to death. Jason ended up being placed back with Luke and Bethany after getting kicked out of some home that neglected him. My siblings and I are a lot happier now than we ever have been before. We went from living a dangerous lifestyle, to finally feeling safe in a place we call home.
