I'm Still In Love

[Based on a True Story]
He added me back. Is this a good idea? I mean it's not like he knows who I really am. "He was like "I'm so lonely" and I asked him if he is so lonely why didn't he accept you well actually I asked him if he remembered you and he said "no I don't even recall any of that" I thought that was weird" I kinda put my heart and soul into that letter. I didn't even care if he didn't date afterwards I just wanted him to know he was great at being a leader and that I admired him. I think now that I recall maybe I misunderstood. Maybe he didn't even read it and just threw it away. I don't even think he recalls me or my existence. Maybe my fantasy of this person just made me "fall in love" with that part of him. It low key would have been way better if he said some shit like "I don't date non-asians" instead of throwing the letter. It's not like he couldn't just be friends.

I came out as bi in 7th grade then pan in 8th then lesbian in 9th dated exclusively girls all those years even feel in love once (still am baby) and then 2nd semester was when I started "admiring" him idolizing him. He was a good leader. All my friends that were his acquaints said he had an asshole like personality but I didn't care. 3rd semester was when I started falling hard. So I decided to write him a letter. The day I wrote it I felt like I was gonna shit myself but still went for it. I had gotten my one outta the two friends who knew that confusing way I felt. Without asking any question she gave it to him and I started having a panic attack attack from just watching him open the letter.

I felt sick, I felt like I couldn't breathe, oddly I felt like I was running a fever. And then the worst happen him and his friends huddled around and then started laughing and before I could grasp the situation he had thrown away my letter. They acted as if they nothing had happen as if it was just a quick joke. I felt like I was gonna have a panic attack and so I ran. I ran to the only place I felt like I could seek comfort where I had always ran to after anything bad happened. To my comfort place, The girl's Restroom.

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