I am happy that you clicked in my postory. In this postory I am gonna post about my feelings, ideas, my true personality (tho i don't havd one) hidden secrets cuz i can't keep them inside of my heart anymore. (Well maybe secrets were meant to be exposed 💁🏻♀🤘) I am bad b*tch when i am alone but not in a crowd. In a crowd i am introverted shy weak poor girl who has no sense of fashion, confidence. (I am like a introverted granny 🤠) I pretend to be cool, fearless, savage, ignoring, mysterious but unfortunately they all are just act to get attention. (Untold truth of mine that i am an attention seeker) I can be a b*tch for some couples because i deliberately throw myself to boys and sometimes girls too (😐) Well not actually throw just getting close like friends ummmm..... well best friends but the truth is I wanna test if they truly love each other. I don't have a fairy beautiful face nor my personality is like ideal friend, best friend or girlfriend. Personality like mine is actually called a b*tch in manga language. (💁🏻♀Whatever you call I do care but i ignore them 💁🏻♀) I hate arguing, fighting, anger issue but another second I realize.... I am hating myself. After using internet for like 2 years I found millions of beautiful girls and handsome boys who are saying that they are insecure about there face structure, nose, eyes, hands, toes, bangs witth the pretty face. (😐 I don't understand them nor someone understand me that's why i am writing this) Everyone wants the perfect human as their soulmate but have you thought of making someone perfect? Only few thinks and rarely someone does. Their is black (demons) white (gods) and grey (humans). According to what legend says I gave them colour but no one is completely black or white. Even gods are grey. No one is perfect. You have to accept them as perrrfect. I suddenly remember oli london. RM (Kim namjoon) says Love yourself. Oli london is loving himself (that's good) . The thing i hate the most in Oli is he is lying himself about being just like JIMIN more like convincing. Maybe he already accepted he is perfect (At this moment i envy him 😐). Accept yourself as what you have and haven't right now. It's gonna take time but once you did. You will be the main star in a crowd. Ok so here comes the main reason why i hate myself. I said so many things about accepting yourself but I can't accept myself. I am very thin with small breast, small hip, creepy toes, strange teeths, tanned skin, big nose. (I barely know something good about me) I know what is good and bad for me but everytime i am choosing the bad ones sometimes even the worst one. I show that I am strong but actually weak inside. If I did something I will start to regret but I do apologize for my mistakes. I suddenly remember there was a time when I used to hurt myself with no reason. (There is a reason and that is it gives satisfaction) It felt good back then but slowly i left that habit. I am trying to make myself caring but no matter how much i try to become the caring one. I am EMOTIONALLY NUMB. As a writer (😐🤘💁🏻♀) I wanna say SOMETIMES B*TCHY VILLIAN CAN ALSO BE THE MAIN LEAD. I am that main lead which is bitchy villian. I may hurt you just because i want to. I may hurt myself for satisfaction. (I don't think anyone will accept me after knowing this much ) I can pretend to care you but can't assure if I can protect you. I will suddenly ignore you for no reason or care about you too much..I can be a good friend for you because of these following this:
Care (don't know if i am just pretending)
Support no matter what you do(I do completely)
Can do almost everything just to make you happy
I WANT TO BE THE IDEAL PERSON FOR MY BELOVED ONES BUT I AM NOT TRYING TO BE.
I CAN'T MAINTAIN MY INTEREST IN ONE TOPIC FOR A LONG TIME. (MAYBE THAT'S WHY I WASN'T HAPPY WITH MY BOTH EX 💁🏻♀)
About my gender interest I can get attracted for both girl and boy (Ok i am dropping this topic now)
I am easily attracted but hardly fall for love.
DAY BY DAY I AM LOOSING MY LOVE INTEREST.
I hate when someone says about what is good and bad for me.
I can't even assure myself if i will live upto 20 years because I may kill myself in the near future.
I want to be loved and cared but can't assure if I will do too.
I AM TIRED IN DAY AND ACTIVE IN NIGHT. THAT'S WHY I STAY UP ALL NIGHT not all night only upto 5 A.M .
I will say "I want to be alone" .I do prefer being and living alone but at the same time.
I want to be loved but the question is "Will you like me even if i say I won't like you nor care you? " The expected answer from others is "Yes" but in reality it is "Never".
If they say "Never" Does it mean they like to see themself happy ? If someone say "Yes" Does it mean they just want to see you happy?
