I was a person who is always quiet when i was a child.
A person who doesn't interact nor talk with anyone.
A person who doesn't have a single friend. A person who's always lonely.
A person who love the silence.
And my mom noticed that.
So she told me that i should be a person who is more approachable.
A person who is loud
A person who have a lot of friends
A person who everyone admires
A person who is loved by anyone and everyone
A person who shines bright
A person who has a pretty smile
So i did
I became that person which my mom told me
I became that person who's loud
I got a lot of friends that are always all around me
I became a person that everyone admires
I became a person who's loved by everyone
I outshined all the kids out here
I had the most prettiest smile that make a lot of people awh in front of me
I became a whole different person just for them
A person which everyone preferred
And a person who isn't ME
Everyone adores this whole new version of me
And now i have to act like this just for everyone
A person who pleases everyone one
Now that I've grown being like this
I got addicted to everyone's attention
I always seek for everyone's attention
And got addicted to being the best
Always aiming for high
Afraid of losing everything
That's why i kept pretending to be that person and forgets about the real me
Pretending to be like this is hard because im losing the real me while doing this
I got used of pretending
So it became easier
But the fear inside me kept growing
The fear of the real me being forgotten
The fear of losing everything
The fear if losing the real me
So i played cool and act like i don't have anything in my mind
But then after some years I've grown tired and lost myself completely
I'm tired of pretending
I'm tired of everything
Every fucking thing
And what i feared the most finally happened
I fucking lost myself
I forgot who i really am
I forgot myself
And that drives me crazy
Because that's the only thing that i don't want to loose
The real me
Now that I've grown tired of pretending to be someone else
My smile begun to fade
I became all silent again
Everyone one starts to worry because they never saw me like this
I distanced myself to everyone
And my friends noticed that i changed
So..
Everyone left me one by one
And that broke my heart
Because i know that i have no one now.
No one.
I lost everything and everyone
They all told me the same thing
"i miss the old you"
Pfft as if anyone really knows me
They all were got tricked by the version of myself that i made just for them
No one ever did tried to love the real me
No one payed a single attention to me being me
No one did tried to be my friend for being me
I guess this is what i get for pretending somebody else
I get nothing just by doing this for them
So this hatred grew inside of me
I hate that no one stayed by my side
I hate that no one accepts me for being who i really am
I hate that i got tired
I hate this feeling of being alone once again
And this hatred grew bigger
I hate Myself
I hate everyone
I hate this
I just want someone who can accept ME.
