What I Know Is I Love You

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The piece of paper in the girl's hand turned into an unkempt shape. She crumpled up a piece of paper with an apology from an old friend. No! She would not forgive the writer of the letter. She threw the paper carelessly. It was a paper that somehow ended tragically.

Her name is Alexa. She has an unpleasant past due to the actions of the letter writer. Alexa finally managed to make the person really feel guilty. Now, she often receives apologies from her. But like a gate that is tightly closed and where the key is no longer there, her heart is completely closed. Closed to sorry locked that person.

Alexa continues her daily activities and throws away the stifling memories. She had to move on with her life. It's not good if she is too protracted to regret something that has happened.

One thing that Alexa forgot, the gate that can still be forced to open. Maybe in the future the door of Alexa's heart will also be like that.

...***...

“Alexa, I will be the first to support you in many ways, including your relationship with him.”

Alexa turned to her friend and chuckled. “Are you sure you don't have any malice or desire to take it from me?” asked Alexa suddenly. She herself was a little surprised by what she had said.

Her friend was stunned for a moment, then replied, “No! Why am I jealous or want to take possession of my best friend. Isn't that very bad, Alexa?”

Alexa nodded. Then she took her friend in her arms. “Thank you very much, Sacha. You are indeed my best friend.”

“Are you sure it's just a friend? Isn't it your bestfriend?” Sacha asked teasingly. “Aaah, you!” Alexa shouted right near Sacha's ear. This made Sacha struggle to let go of Alexa's arms.

As if playing on a screen, the memories appeared before Alexa's eyes. She tried again and again to stop it, but it was like it was playing automatically and couldn't be stopped.

Nonsense! Alexa cursed in her heart. It's all bullshit. There is no concrete evidence to support Sacha' statement. It was Sacha who was the first to thwart Alexa's happiness. She took the position to sit in the aisle chair with Alexa's lover. That's really sickening.

Even though it's been about a year since their marriage, Alexa still feels pain when she hears their names. The marriage was the worst thing in the history of her life. Then Alexa chose to leave the place. With the reason to develop the business she is running, Alexa moved to another city. Developed the family business that had been handed over to her.

The squirming cake business is sure to be where the Alexa escapes the pain. The cakes became an effective consolation of grief for her. She preferred to dwell on aprons and cookie dough.

Sacha has apologized to her many times. None of which Alexa cares about. But how long will Alexa continue to not care? Alexa herself also does not know for sure. Maybe one day there will be something capable of breaking down the fortress of indifference.

...***...

The ringing of the cell phone made Alexa squirm from her sleep. Ah! She groaned as she searched for the source of the sound. Her eyes were still half closed making it difficult for her hands to find the position of the phone. It was only a second later that she was able to reach the cell phone. But just before she picked it up, the ringing of the phone stopped. She was about to throw the phone back, but it started ringing again. With a little laziness she put it to her ear.

“Yeah, hello, good morning,” she mumbled a little incoherently. However, for the sake of hearing the sound of sobbing on the other side, her eyes were perfectly opened. The sleepiness disappeared in an instant.

“Alexa, Sacha, ...”

“Sacha why?” Alexa asked impatiently.

“Come to the house, I'm waiting,” replied the man. The phone is turned off and leaving the Alexa still dumbfounded. She then checked the incoming messages on her cellphone. Oh no! She hurried to unwrap her body and slid into the bathroom. Take a simple shower and pick up the blankets of any clothes in the closet. Then shouted incoherently as she left the house.

“I want to go home. Sir,” she said to Mr. Jo, the person who helped her take care of the house.

“Oh, yes, Miss Alexa, be careful on the road," said Mr. Jo as he opened the gate. Alexa thanks him as she leaves in her car. She was driving like a madman. The goal is one, immediately get to her parents' house.

...***...

Hurry home, Alexa. Sacha this morning died in childbirth.

The message from her mother that she glanced at before rushing to the bathroom made Alexa gasp. Crush all the strongholds of anger. Sacha, her best friend who had betrayed died. This is a real slap. Alexa did not understand where all the anger in the heart disappeared. She left all that behind and rushed off in her car.

Along the way she repeatedly wiped away tears. After all, Sacha is her comrade in arms. Memories of joy and sorrow with Sacha returned to her eyes. How about this? Ah, what about the baby? Is the baby okay? Oh God, why did you have the heart to let the baby be orphaned from the day it was born?

Alexa repeatedly violated the red light. She didn't care about the screams of the other drivers. This is an emergency! She screamed in her heart. She had to get to her destination quickly.

An hour later, she finally arrived in front of the house. She parked the car carelessly. Then ran across the fence next to the house. Go to Sacha's house. Their house is next door. And this morning her mother said that Sacha's body had been brought home. Alexa's tears could not be stopped. No matter how much she hates Sacha, she will still lose when Sacha is gone forever.

“I'm sorry, Sacha,” she whispered as she embraced Sacha's body, which was as cold and pale as marble. She kissed her friend's forehead. The fragrance pierced her senses of smell. “Calm down there.”

Alexa then met Sacha's parents and expressed her condolences for Sacha's departure. The remnants of tears were still clearly visible in Sacha's mother's eyes. And she hugged her so tightly. As if to tell Alexa that all of this was very hard for her.

Alexa accompanies Sacha's mother until the body is sent to its final resting place. But she didn't go to the funeral. She decided to go home and shut herself in her room. Contemplating.

...***...

There was a regret that rose in Alexa's heart. She regretted not having said that she had forgiven Sacha. But whatever the power, time will not turn back. Alexa can only wish the best for Sacha and her family.

The pressure of tears in Alexa's eyelids seemed to not want to stop even a week later. She knew all of this was wrong. She shouldn't have been crying all the time. But she seemed unable to stare at the bright sun without being able to meet Sacha again.

Maybe that's the feeling of love. When someone you love is still there, no words of affection are spoken, even sometimes what appears is only hatred. However, when the beloved has gone, the feeling of loss is indescribable. It's all too late. And a bundle of regret piled up in the heart.

“Alexa dear, it's over. No need to be sorry.” Her mother's soft voice made Alexa turn around. Nothing came out of her lips. She just moved slowly to hug her mother. Mother, an unpretentious woman is always comforting to her. Mother rubbed Alexa's back, as if encouraging her.

“You want to meet Sacha's baby, dear?” she asked gently. Alexa nodded.

“Come on!” take her mother. “Just a moment, mom.”

“Okay, mommy wait outside, okay?” Alexa nodded again. Wash her face for a while and dry it then coat her face with a light powder. She put lipstick on her lips. Then leave.

They met the baby at Sacha's house. Aunt Susi, Sach's mother, warmly welcomed them and took them to the baby's room. At that time, the baby was being rocked by Dean, the father. Dean brought the baby closer to them. Alexa's mother was already exclaiming cheerfully typical of mothers when she met an adorable baby. Meanwhile, Alexa is trying to calm her heart which has been roiling since she saw Dean.

“Would you like to hold the baby, Alexa?” Alexa's mother asked.

“Uh, um, okay.” Alexa answered stuttering. Alexa is used to babies and children because since she was little she used to take care of her younger siblings. So she thought there was nothing wrong with holding the baby.

Dean approached and handed over the baby. No matter how careful, Alexa's hand accidentally touched Dean. That fleeting touch made her heart flutter again. The word if appears in her heart. If only this baby was mine and Dean's. If only Dean were my husband. No, no, no. Alexa dismissed her words. There is no such assumption.

Alexa cradled lovingly. Sacha, look at your baby. She is as beautiful as you. And look, Dean had to raise her without you.

Indeed, no one knows the line of human life except the Creator. Life, death, and mate have been determined. Humans only need to live with effort and surrender to God. And that's the lifeline of Alexa. She was destined to go through all of this. Now she is witness to the sad story of her best friend. It was the innocent baby and Dean who had to carry on with life without a loved one. Alexa is the witness.

...***...

Life is back to normal even though the traces of pain still linger in Alexa's eyes. But whatever happens, sadness should not drag on. There are many things that still need to be done. Alexa's cake shop is one of them. Orders come and go. From the few to the hundreds. These are all very important to take care of. More or less can be solace.

That afternoon, when Alexa was struggling with a cake order from the mayor, Dean came knocking on her shop door. At the same time knocking on the door of het heart. Dean came to offer back their delayed story.

“I ruined your story, let me fix it again. I don't promise. But I will try. Remind me if I start to neglect. Give me a chance to put a smile on your face again.” That's what Dean said when they sat together in the corner of the shop. Alexa squeezed her cup of hot chocolate. Her eyes looked straight as if to scan the sincerity in Dean's eyes. Yes, the man sincerely said that sentence. But is it that easy for Dean to ask to repair the story that he destroyed?

How can Alexa be with Dean without seeing her best friend's face? Sacha's face would haunt her whenever she was with Dean. When she hugged Dean, would she not have imagined that Dean had done that with her best friend? Millions of questions floated in Alexa's mind.

“No need to answer now, Alexa. I know it's not that easy to forgive my mistakes.” Dean's words broke the question in Alexa's mind.

“It's not a matter of forgiving, Dean. I can forgive everything that has happened. However, what about forgetting? Can I forget all those painful memories? It's not an easy thing, Dean. When I'm with you, is there any guarantee I won't remember your happy times with Sacha? What if it becomes a frightening specter every time I'm with you?” the question finally came out of Alexa's mouth.

Dean thought for a moment. His sad face is back again. “I'm back with that happy story with you, Alexa. I'm sorry. Goodbye,” said Dean as he walked away.

Outside the shop, it's raining heavily. Dean walked down the sidewalk with a confused mind. He thought he was the stupidest man in the world. How could he ruin the happiness of the person he loves so much? Ruining her happy story, even jeopardizing her friendship. He's really stupid. God, give me more time to make the people I love happy. He whispered in the pouring rain. Then Dean gasped when he realized someone was touching his arm. He turned and saw the face in front of him.

“Alexa!” he cried over the sound of the rain.

No words were spoken from the girl. She only moves to hug the man in front of her. I love you. That's what I know. Let the rest be taken care of later. Alexa obeys her heart.

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