Help me mom

dear diary, it's Charlotte it's May 27th 1992 my mother's boyfriend left you weeks ago there's a lot of stuff that I didn't write over to the time and I really don't know what to do no scared I was in the hospital for 3 weeks I somehow drowned inside of my own bathtub my mother didn't know because I locked my door I was in the bathtub for almost 3 days. no one knew if I was going to live or still be alive luckily Annalise and I still feel the pain that I felt weeks ago I'm still not speaking to my mom I am honestly needing somebody to talk to me the kids at school think I'm just one of those girls who just go around doing whatever she wants but in reality I'm not able to do whatever I want I've always been in captivity I've always been felt like I was an animal being beaten in like in a bad new almost and I just don't understand my mom she's depressed she still locked herself in her room she makes dinner almost every day I skip meals everyday cuz that's just me I don't eat 3 times a day I really don't eat two times a day I eat lunch and I stay in my room I go to school I stay in my room so my dearest diary Charlotte Web sub is now turning 14 in a few weeks so yeah to my dear diary thank you for supporting me. 3 weeks later. dear diary it's Charlotte again it's a week till my birthday and I'm talking to my mom but not talking to her well I guess we talked about important things like school and jobs and everything but we don't really talk about anything else it seems like to me we're not family anymore we're just people who live with each other like roommates almost and you know my mom she really doesn't act as if she's my mother anymore she's so depressed and she walks around gloomy and everything but she tells me and called me by my name and she rather me call her by her name which is Cynthia then my actual month and I don't understand my mother you're my mother and you just just like you're not my friend you just like you're not my friend you're not my family you're just nothing right now you act as if you're so sad and you're so helpless and you can't do nothing for yourself and you just you're going to continue being depressed and going in your room and just locking yourself in your room for days and days and days at a time I've been the one fixing my meal you have not she used to fix dinner every night but now she doesn't I don't understand she just makes me feel as if I'm alone now even though I didn't do anything ever since she lost pretty much her boyfriend her job everything she lost everything and now she's depressed you gloomy she just she's not my mother anymore and I don't understand why she was my mother at one point in time and she acted as if she was my mother when I was seven when I was 9 he has new boyfriend everyday and I am 14 years old 13 and 1/2 turning 14 but anyways it still doesn't matter I shouldn't be the parent in the situation my parents should be the parent in the situation she does she's not doing anything for me now and I just don't understand if you're the mother you should be trying to make everything right with your daughter but you let everything go on for this long I can't accept her apology I wish you can talk diary honestly because it just it feels I can tell you anything but you never tell me anything you know and I really thank my diary for doing that I'm so happy and everything that I have something to at least let my feelings out in and not keep it in my heart that makes you know everything hurting me I don't want to cry anymore I'm just tired I wish that somebody can be there to tell me something that I can be there to help them I don't understand I want to tell my mom so many things but she just won't listen AKA Cynthia I mean she doesn't want me to call her mom anymore she wants me to call her Cynthia because I guess she doesn't see me as her daughter anymore she sees me as a useless person roommate I guess I don't know she's telling me to go get a job at 14 pay rent for paying rent and I just don't understand like I'm your daughter I am 14 years old and you're acting as if I'm a roommate and I don't understand why you're acting as if I'm your roommate I'm not your roommate I am your daughter the one you gave birth to 14 years ago the one you raised until I was seven and then you just let everybody else have at me until I was 13 I am returning 14 right now my life is been just full of poverty and this scarce and I just and I can't move my mom you know diarrhea I can't remember anymore so I'm thinking of running away or the time just doing what I'm supposed to do when I drowned in the bathtub what should I do deers Charlotte Web.

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