So I read more chapters. It would be better if those words that the Main Character didn’t speak with herself when she is alone lol. You could just put it as the description of her current mood as if it is her POV or however you want it like. Also in that part *her eye color changes drastically when she is in...* You could have just pointed that out by the other character, Tad. It seems as if it is moving too fast, all the situations in it and it would be better if you just worked more on the description of the streets, places, how they look like and what they wear. That thing where you inform us just interrupts the whole story, so just try to make it seem as if they are her thoughts, her mood. More descriptions. That is what you need. And make it a little bit more realistic. When the king or whatever showed up talk about him, what he was wearing, what the MC’s impression was like and I didn’t even know that there were 5 other people surrounding them until you made that obvious. You could have just described that more from the beginning and that takes a lot of work. You could just introduce from the beginning like “That was the biggest enemy of my school. The ... school (I don’t remember the name).
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Lmfao_144
So I read more chapters. It would be better if those words that the Main Character didn’t speak with herself when she is alone lol. You could just put it as the description of her current mood as if it is her POV or however you want it like. Also in that part *her eye color changes drastically when she is in...* You could have just pointed that out by the other character, Tad. It seems as if it is moving too fast, all the situations in it and it would be better if you just worked more on the description of the streets, places, how they look like and what they wear. That thing where you inform us just interrupts the whole story, so just try to make it seem as if they are her thoughts, her mood. More descriptions. That is what you need. And make it a little bit more realistic. When the king or whatever showed up talk about him, what he was wearing, what the MC’s impression was like and I didn’t even know that there were 5 other people surrounding them until you made that obvious. You could have just described that more from the beginning and that takes a lot of work. You could just introduce from the beginning like “That was the biggest enemy of my school. The ... school (I don’t remember the name).
2020-04-30
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