CHAPTER 2

My last thought before everything went black was:" Sis is gonna be alright!! She has to! "

You might have guessed it. She wasn't all right. And I was devastated. But I had no time to recover from the shock. My dad was working nonstop and drank. It got more from time to time. He blames everything on himself. We couldn't convince him. But my mother also suffered. And in the end I was kinda left alone. 

My parents were so down by my sister's death that they totally forgot about my existence.

A month after her death we held the funeral to which my dad showed up at least a little bit sober so that he could walk straight. My mother looked kind of similar to my sister as she didn't eat much the last few weeks and worked a lot. To sum it up she looked like a living corpse and my dad had something of a zombie. 

I myself wasn't okay either as I cried a lot that time. I had super big eyebags and got slimmer due to the stress and sorrow. 

It wasn't an easy time for all of us. My grandaunt wasn't fond of my situation, especially my health, and decided to take care of me as my parents were unavailable at that time. I was strictly against it but there wasn't another way. After my parents even told me to stay with my grandaunt I lost hope of us going back to a happy family. And I should be right. 

~

Some time went by and I have lived with my aunt for 3 month. I didn't get any information about my parents by this time like they wanted me to start all over and live a happy life with my aunt. I gradually did, it was acceptable. Not super happy but good. 

For four months my sister had been dead by that time. 

So back to my parents. I thought that they got better and I could meet them. But I was wrong because at the end of the next month we got a message.

My mother jumped.

And I fell again.

What my dad was doing wasn't something I had information about. I lost my family with whom I spent 5 years of my life within 5 months. My life wasn't good at all. I fell into an unknown depression. I cried all night and day. I refused to eat. I sometimes sat around lifeless. I lost the meaning in life. 

As if it wasn't enough for me. As if I deserved more pain. I wasn't particularly living more like floating through the days and taking everything as given and unable to be changed. I regretted my life choices, especially the one more than five months ago. 

I don't know about the whereabouts of my dad till today. But I don't care about this anymore. It's part of my dark story which I try to forget. If I try to forget it, why am I telling you this story? Simple. Someone said to me you can only forget about something if you accept it and with telling you my story I reflect and try accepting what happened. It wasn't easy to overcome this. It took me years to fully accept the fact that I will never meet my mother and sister again. And my dad who just ran away. 

I will end my childhood story here and tell you about all the changes when I turned 10.

I visited the fourth grade back then. My class was nice but stayed away from me as I was weird in their eyes. I didn't think of it as a disadvantage. I was happy as long as they wouldn't bully me mentally or physically.

~ 

Two years later was the time I had to change schools. I wasn't afraid. I just wanted to get through my school life as fast as possible and unharmed. 

The first year at middle school was wonderful. I was actually good in school and had my peace. 

In the second year we had a class trip. I wasn't fond of this idea from the beginning. I knew a little about class trips and that was enough in my opinion to not go to this kind of event. 

However my grandaunt liked the idea and I had to go on the class trip. 

Contrary to my expectations, I was enjoying the time.

Some weeks later I had a bad feeling. Like something big was about to happen. It was to silent. Normally there would be some rumors about me but there weren't any by the time. 

I got bullied. Three boys from my old class decided that it would be nice to kick and insult me without manners. I wasn't aware of the reason and never asked. I just took what came without complaining. 

I could have told someone about my condition but what would have changed? Nothing at first I will get the anger of the bullies because I reported them and then I would have to change schools. There would be the problem that I am the new one. I would have been like an attraction and I didn't want this. 

~ 

Just like this three years passed and I had to write my exams. I worked extra hard. And it was worth it. I graduated middle school with a good school report. 

I got accepted at my college of choice and last year I started my first year there. 

And here I am now. Sitting at my desk and writing this story to tell you guys about my sad life and how I try to accept my past.

If you have questions you can ask me. I am always open to answer your questions.

My life story isn't easy. Some explanations or more exact description of situations could help.

See you next episode.

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