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(1st year in high school)

Our test results for the recent exam was finally out. Everyone was gathering at the bulletin board, to see their overall results and ranking.

Some walked by with a smile on their face while some had a frown.

When i walked by, there were whispers,

Whispers about me.

“Did you hear, she placed pretty bad for the monthly exam this time.”

“Really? Doesnt she usually place in the top 2? That’s pretty shocking”

“Maybe she’s having a burnout”

“Ah thats what you get for trying to maintain being ‘perfect’.”

“I can’t believe i placed higher than her. It feels like I’m dreaming”

And just more nonstop talking.

The atmosphere around me was tense.

I stood in front of the board and looked at the top 3 rankings, my name wasnt there.

And then i scrolled down, trying to find my name and then i found it.

I ranked 9th place.

I froze on the spot.

‘Shitshitshitshit’

Those words chanted around my head.

I wasn’t sad i placed bad because, my overall grade wasn’t that bad. I placed low only because i got a B on one of the subjects.

I was more scared of my parents knowing.

My heart was racing and i was getting dizzy, i couldnt think straight anymore.

I rushed to the toilet, bumping into a few people while doing so.

I got in an empty stall and when i locked the stall, i just lost my balance and went down.

I kept patting my chest and trying to grasp for air while loosening my collar.

It’s getting harder to breathe.

After a few minutes i finally got a hold of myself and i proceeded to go to class.

I knew as soon as i stepped foot into class, attention was all on me.

‘Its fine, it’s nothing’ i thought to myself so I’d feel a little at ease.

The class started as usual. Everything was going normal.

Last period finally came to an end and we were all dismissed.

“Woohooo! Lets go get some food together guys” i heard one person saying to their friend group.

One of their friends gave him a weird look “hah? We just went out yesterday and you want to spend money again? You dumbass you even placed worse this exam”

“Ehhhh? You’re no fun. If you guys agree I’ll treat everyone but only for today so dont miss your chance while I’m being nice!” He replied.

And the whole group agreed to join him under that one condition. As they walked out, i could hear their faint laughs.

I miss my old friends.

“Suki-chan,can you come here for a second” our class advisor called out for me.

Miss Sharp, she’s very nice but also very strict and is very scary when you break one of her rules during class.

“So as you know, you ranked pretty bad during this examination. I dont really know why maybe you’re having a burnout or maybe you just made a little mistake” she said and i waited for her to finish her sentence.

“And you know you’ve always been our pride student but seeing this time so the principal told me to inform your parents about your grades and to put you onhold on club activities so you can focus on studying and get yourself together” she smiled.

I froze.

The words i didn’t want to hear came out from her, she said it.

“Ma’am please” i said with a stutter.

“You can do anything except for telling my parents and not allowing me to participate in club activities. Please i beg you”

“The sports i play, its the only thing i have that i actually enjoy doing” i cracked

“Please i really beg you, I’ll do extra work, stayback, do extra classes, anything! Just don’t tell my parents yet and stop me from participating club activities”

“I’m sorry, i wish i could help you but we’re just afraid you’ll get even worse, you know we just want the best for you” she said softly.

Ha, best for me? You guys just want to mantain a good image. If you guys want best for me you wouldn’t take away the things i love.

Everyone’s just a big liar.

“Please give me one more chance. I’ll prove to you guys that I’ll improve during the next monthly exam so please dont do it”

“And what if you fail to improve?”

Those words made me stop and think. But i cant give in now.

“If i fail you can go ahead do anything you want including telling my parents and not allowing me to go for club”

Miss Sharp looked at me and sighed.

“You better keep your promise,Yuki.” She got up from her seat and walked out.

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