Prologue: Memories

Winter, it's always such a bitter sweet season for me. The cold breeze that tickles my cheeks and turns them pink, Christmas, ice skating in Central Park, the children sledding down snake hill. All so sweet like the hot cocoa father always made to warm my tiny body long ago. Then there's the more cruel side to winter. Blizzards so strong they would shut down classes, the temperatures so brutal that the homeless would be found frozen after the snow melted, and last, the heartache that came that day in my realization.

  She gave me an ultimatum, a chance. What did I do? Ruin every moment of that last opportunity. The snow engulfed everything, but we still went to the top of the steps in a small secluded area of North Central Park. We sat at a bench on top of a hill where they had a statue of a canon. As we looked out into the winter highlights, a sense of gloominess swallowed the air around us. "Do you-" she pauses and looks down while she fiddles with her fingers. Her long brown hair swaying back and forth as the wind began to pick up. "I mean, do you know how I feel?" Still facing the city ahead of us, lights brightly lit, how beautiful it was. "About?" I questioned her. My young teenage self didn't catch on so fast as to what she wanted to say.

  She finally turned slightly to where I sat on her right side, head still down, shy as ever. "I... have feelings for you. I've known you for so long that I can't help it. We have so much in common, how can I ignore these feelings I have for you?" She did it again, word vomit, maybe more like confess vomit. I was young and clueless, not really sure if I was even ready to take anything serious to begin with. We were only 17 after all.

  "Claire, I think you're really pretty, you're talented and smart, but I don't think I feel that way towards you." Her eyes gazing into mine as she began to become a bit more frantic. "Xepher, if you give me a chance, and just some time, maybe you'll feel the same too!" Sadly, that would end up being the case. I did end up falling for you Claire, I still love you. I miss hearing your voice and bringing a new spark to everyone around us. How could I be so naive to not see that I deep down inside really did have something there for you.

  "I'm sorry Claire I-" Tears started to run down her face. She was shaking just a little bit. I can tell as she put her hands together warming them. "If... you say no to me now, I will never accept it if you ever try to ask me out. This is the only chance we'll have in a long time to even find love again. We understand each other so well, it's so perfect, it's so pure. Please... It's now or never." I don't think I've ever seen her more serious. "I'm sorry. I don't believe I could ever share the same feelings so just forget about me and we'll forget this ever happened."

  She got up and turned her back to me. "Then... I won't talk to you for awhile. I need time Xephy. I think I'm going to head home now. Thank you for coming this far to speak with me." She started to walk away so I jogged a bit to her feeling a bit bad that I hurt her. "I'll walk you home! Don't walk so fast. The ground is slippery." She stopped walking abruptly and clenched her fist. "Just leave me alone! How can I forget these feelings if you don't stop being so kind to me!?"

  She was right. I couldn't keep doing that to her. I couldn't even say a word. I just watched in a distance as she got smaller and smaller, until she disappeared. "Awhile" would turn into a couple years. I'd find that she disabled her social media accounts. I guess she wanted to start over. I could never find her no matter how long I waited. 4 years later however, I see a WakeBook friend suggestion under the name Blaire Killian, it was her. I click on the add button, 5 hours later I return to see I had been accepted. So we meet again, my dear friend...

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