breath in breath out!

...have you ever wondered how living with your worst enemy would feel like, even worse,with that enemy being yourself?...

...****************...

..."breath in and breath out" is the only thing I repeatedly tell myself throughout the day,...

......everyone says they understand but for me it's different.......

... the anxiety is just a cover, a cover to cover up the fact that I am missing something in my life....

... which may or may not be that important but to me it means everything....

...****************...

...I am Amara, I'm in highschool,...

...And here I am on another day with my worst enemy, all i wonder all day is wheather i control my thoughts or they control me,either way, that's another worry to my already infinity list of them....

...i was sitting in my classroom like any ordinary girl would until the crowd moved towards me,...

...my heart stopped, ...

...not an ordinary girl i guess said the brain, i was running out of breath again,...

...i held myself, tried to steady my breathing,...

... i was drowning in a sea of people....

...----------------...

...I feel as if I'm trapped in my own brain...

...----------------...

... i can't breath i said...

...a boy came close to my ears, ...

...close enough that i could feel his breath....

...it's okay, you are okay, he said pulling me closer to his shirt hiding my face in his blue shirt....

...he smelled like petrichor ...

...refreshing and sweet....

...my breathing slowed down, i was tearing up, how did you know? I asked....

...he replied with "i used have anxiety attacks when i was younger too" ...

...how did you overcome? I asked,...

...i taught myself how to calm down and to let the moment just pass and to feel safe. he replied....

...as he said these,...

... i was embarassed and i wanted to hug him and never let him go,...

...i didn't want anything to hurt him when all that ever happened to me was terrific but I didn't want him to suffer anything like that ...

...so i chose to........

...stay away from him because I-...

...you okay? he asked,...

...oh yeah I am ...

...(lie I'm lying again)...

...that's good then, I'll have to leave now i have classes too,...

...call me if you need anything. he said....

...okay....

...as soon as he left i realised i didn't ask his name, i don't even know where to find him....

...i was thinking about him the whole time, that i almost forgot to pay attention to the classes....

...now it was finally time to go back home. ...

...i don't want to.....

... i want to meet that boy again....

......................

...i was about to step outside,...

... someone took my hands, i was almost gonna loose it until I heard a calm voice saying ...

..."don't worry it's me"...

...as soon as I heard the voice i knew...

...it was him!...

...i asked what's wrong?...

... let's grab some coffee I'll treat. he replied....

...i was excited to say "yes" ...

...but i realised i was supposed to stay away from him....

...not today, i replied...

...(lie! I'm lying again)...

...okay.. but why though? he asked....

...i have somewhere to go with my parents,so let's do this later, i said...

...(lie! again!)...

...okay no problem, tell me when you're free, he replied with a smile....

...i will....

...with that we were about to leave, but i realised i still don't know his name, i was about to ask him but as I turned to him,...

...your name, i didn't ask your name, tell me your name. he said....

...Amara...

...and your? i replied...

...you have a pretty name♡︎ he replied...

...thanks, and what's your name?i asked...

...aiden.he replied with a smile....

...and with that he left ...

...but i kept thinking about him, ...

...i was afraid I may fall in love...

...----------------...

...love:...

... you really think it can happen to me?...

...----------------...

...loving someone doesn't do any good to anyone all it brings is pain!...

...i can't do this to myself,i can't fall in love with anyone!...

...with this thought, the day went by....

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