What's more to come ?

You must be wondering "CROOKED?" According to google, "1. bent or twisted out of shape or out of place, 2.dishonest; illegal". Well it actually feels like me. First of all let me tell you about myself. I am a poor girl with an attitude problem. Have you ever heard that before? But I always find innocent, loving and beautiful girl in movies and stories. Am I that different ?

F*** it, I don't care. Actually I really am psycho. I mean not that much "Psycho" .I am always on the different and revolutionary side of the truth. It's just that, I hope to find even a little truth from the different point of view or from the different side. Got it? If not, skip that sentence. But to write all this who is gonna read it ? I am curious myself . It's no one because after this page of my diary is over I am gonna tear and toss it in the river. Actually it's not good idea but I am "CROOKED". Maybe like never returning river, time may take my feelings of loneliness with it's flow? What I want right now ? Happiness ? Pain ? Love ? Family ? Money ? - yeah money is everything but what if money can't erase your past buried within yourself. The past that always tries to find a way to burst just like a volcano without sighs. Well I haven't seen real volcano but I have experienced it with 4D sound quality. And, I joke with myself without any laugher. I see people around me passing like a shadows but they all are the monsters who hides their feelings and control their emotions well. But why do I call them monsters? Because they judge others too easily. They only understand when they experience it, but beyond that, they judge without knowing what others are feeling in their respective world with their own perspectives. And who am I to judge them ? IDK someone who search for a tiny little hope of truth in the darkness ? A superhero of the fear, who tries to understand the feeings even including criminals (It's a risky move but actually I watch a lot of documentaries) and how they feel when they do crimes. And as long as I know, even pycopaths don't have a choice to choose being one cause they are born with it. Like a curse that hunts you from one to different lives and even reincarnation doesn't erase the memories of your wrong doings or muscle memory?

What does it feels like to hurt others ? because you are in pain thousand times more than those and still you find them weak and pathetic than you.

It means I really have thinking disorder.Is there even a term called "thinking disorder "? Never Mind.Shout out to me.

As she finished her writing, she really tore 2 pages and toss it in the river and watched it flow with the waves as long as she can see.

♡

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