Chapter one - Welcome to my world

"No. I am not ready. Do I look like I'm ready?"

I was lying on a sun lounger by the pool at our villa in St Kitty in the Caribbean, my mobile in one hand and a chocolate chip milk-shake in the other. Coco was also lying on the sunbed next to mine, also wearing shades. She's my dog - a pink bichon frisé. (Everyone at my last school had a dinky dog, but no one had theirs dyed the way I had. I had to do something - all the pooches looked the same, white and cute but now Coco stands out in a crowd and matches my new nail color perfectly.)

I'd just been thinking how utterly coil life was here on this paradise island when I was rudely interrupted by a demand as to whether I was ready to leave. Anyone with half brain should have been able to see that I was clearly not prepared to board a flight to Europe. Like what kind of idiot would travel to Paris in a turquoise bikini? Even if it is from Prada's new collection and on everyone's must have list for the season? We used to live in England when I was younger so I know how cold it is over in that part of the world. Like, Brrrfreezingville.

"Sorry, Miss Hedley-Dent, but..." whinged Henry. (he's my dads chauffeur, PA and a handyman, though you'd hardly know it. In his usual grab of Bermuda shorts and Hawaiian shirt, and his shoulder-length blond hair, he looks more like a professional surfer than a servant.)

"What now Henry?" I was beginning to feel cross and would have been more snappy if it weren't for the fact that my friend Tipsy was on hold, waiting for me, on the other end of the phone.

Just, er... the plane has been ready for some time now and the pilot has been waiting for you for over an hour."

"So? Tell him that he may have to wait another hour because I'm not ready yet and I wanna catch some more rays before I leave."

"May I at least give him some idea of when you may be ready to take off?"

I gave Henry my best withering look. Tigs and I'd practiced it for ages in the mirror at the school last year before I got expelled. One eyebrow up, nostrils breathed in and lips tight. Right said that I appeared more constipated than cross when I do the "look" but, whatever, Henry got the message. backed out of the room and closed the door. He's so pathetic when he does that droning on the thing. Like timetables...airports... Like its my problem. Not.

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