Chapter 1

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I woke up in a cold sweat. The nightmares continued as they had the nights before. I turned to sit up on the side of my bed with my back slouched over. My feet touched the old moist floor that had to be a hundred years old. I looked around. It was quiet, I could only hear the cars driving by the highway near my room. I look at my alarm, it was 8:00 A.M. I knew I needed to go and meet up with my friends, but I was so tired, so very tired. I push myself up on my feet and pace back and forth a bit. I eventually walked into the bathroom and turned on the lights. My eyes squinted at the brightness. I looked at my reflection in the mirror. It was me, of course, it was I was looking in the mirror after all, but for some reason to me, the person I knew the longest looked unfamiliar. I still had the same thick black hair, pale skin, black eye’s and a scar across my cheek but still, something felt wrong. I shrugged it off. I grabbed my clothes from the freshly dried laundry and put them on. My shirt and pants felt warm against my skin as I put them on, it felt like a warm hug on a cold winter day. I combed my hair and brushed my teeth. Once I left the bathroom I looked around. I could see my brother asleep on the couch, I walked quietly to not wake him. I walked back to my room and quietly opened my door and when I shut it I did the same. I turned on the light in my room.

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I walked to my desk next to my bed and flipped my switchblade into my hand. My friend Johnny had gotten it for me as a gift for my 13th birthday. I admired the blade, it was so clean I could see my distorted reflection in it. The blade itself was six inches long as was the handle. The handle was black and had engraved on it “Jayson Magar ” I thought to myself, that name belonged to me and that name had been through so much yet it was only the beginning. “I’m only 15 years old.” I thought out loud. “I have time left. right?” I stopped thinking about the subject and looked back at the switchblade. I ran my thumb across the blade and jumped a bit as I saw the blood run down my thumb and onto my hand. I wiped the blood off on my pants and closed the switchblade and put it in my pocket to not hurt myself again. I picked up a pack of cigarettes along with a lighter and threw it into my other pocket. I opened my door to see my brother awake and watching TV. “Oh hey Jayson,” he said. “Hey, can you tell mom that I’m at Ryan’s house when she gets back,” I responded? “Yeah, sure,” he said as his eyes drifted back to the TV. I jogged towards the front door, grabbed the handle, and gave it a slow turn. As soon as the door opened the humid air and smell of spring hit my face. I looked to my left where my bike was. The bike was black with blue, worn, rubber handles.

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I walked up to the bike and placed my hand on the seat, it was soft but firm and had blue faded writing that was impossible to read. I felt the wheels to check if they were flat, they were a little soft but mostly firm. I took the bike to the road and got on it but I still had my feet on the ground to keep the bike up. I looked ahead at the sunrise in front of me, it looked beautiful. I admired the clouds for a bit as they floated along the orange sky with a lemon yellow sun peeking through. Soon after, I put my feet up and I started pedaling forward. The clouds and houses flew across the scenery as I pedaled faster and faster. It was about 2 miles to Johnny’s House which was where I was going. It was a long way but I had ridden farther before so this shouldn’t be a problem. I pedaled and pedaled as different shapes and colors flew across my peripheral. After a while, my legs began getting tired so I stopped to relax for a second, as I looked around I realized I was at the cemetery. After some procrastinating, I hid my bike behind a house. The house was white and old it had cracks all over it. I knew no one would go behind this house so I felt safe putting my bike here. I walked across the road and went inside the cemetery to say hello to an old friend. I’ve always remembered where she was buried because it was just to the left of the entryway to the cemetery.

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As I stood before her grave I decided to sit down beside it in the grass. As soon as I knelt the old stiff soil dirtied my knees. I read the writing on the grave, it read “Jolene, The girl who would leave the joy of sin for the people she loved.” I couldn’t think of a better way to describe her. I started remembering that day, the day she died so vividly that it almost felt like I was there again. The gunshots, the sirens, the pain, the faces, my feelings, and the horror. “It was my fault, it was my plan,” I thought to myself. I stood up and left the cemetery. I grabbed my bike from behind the house where I put it. I froze, I had no clue why but I just couldn’t move. I wanted to move and I felt like I could but I just didn’t. After a while, the feeling passed and I began moving again. This wasn’t the first time that it happened and I never really understood it or what it was, but I just pretend that nothing happened. I hopped on my bike and tried to ride off, but it was difficult because of the thick grass behind the house where I put my bike. Eventually, I got back on the road and continued riding towards Johnny's House. I reflected on my actions as I rode across the planes of Oklahoma. All the things that happened, and all the things that I could have done differently. What if I died instead of Jolene that night. It was my plan after all.

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What if the bullet was in my chest, what if it was my blood on the pavement, what if it was my tombstone in the cemetery. “No,” I told myself. It's not my fault. We were set up. Then I remember the reason I was riding to Johnny's house. I was never a man of peace nor one to forgive. I was going to get my revenge because it was my turn to win, it was my turn to hit the jackpot and avenge the people who were wronged. That night one man turned on us and ratted us out like the scum he is. “Keandre Johnson” that name was the reason my friend was dead and another was locked up for manslaughter, but Keandre made one mistake, trusting the people he worked with. I was going to put a bullet in Keandre’s head and I knew just the people to help me. I bit the breaks on my bike and came to a stiff screech as I realized where I was. “Johnny’s house,” I said under my breath as I stepped ever closer to his house. I told Johnny I was coming a couple of nights before, but Johnny was Johnny so it’s lucky to catch him sober. Where he wasn’t reliable with time he made up in other factors. Johnny was a big, mean, and intimidating guy, but would go through hell and back for his friends. That’s why he was perfect for this plan. I approached his house, it had a strange smell. It was like freshly cut grass mixed with dog poop. I took my bike and I set it next to the front door of his house.

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I looked at the door, the glass on the door was scratched up a bit, and the glass itself was yellowed with time. The walls that held the door, and the house itself was old and made of red brick and gray painted wood. I knock on the door, when I knocked I avoided the scratched glass so as to not cut my knuckles. I waited for a bit. I knew I had knocked loud enough for him to hear me, but still, he hadn’t answered. I knocked again with the same results. I checked under the doormat where he usually keeps his spare key. I touched the doormat, it was pointy and felt like hay. The doormat read welcome in old faded letters. I grabbed the doormat tightly in a fist and pulled it up. The old rusted silver key lay before me. I grabbed it quickly. The key was cold against my hand in the spring humidity. I unlock the door and slowly turn the handle. The door creaked open to nothing but darkness. I looked around the lights were just off but it felt more like something was really off. I took a couple more steps into his house before the heavy door slammed behind me, It sent a deep chill up my spine. I stumbled around the walls for a second looking for a light switch. As soon as I found it I switched it on as quickly as I could. I looked around trying to get my bearings in the room. It Was a few seconds later I realized I was shivering, the room was cold. I started breathing through my mouth and put my hands in my pockets to try to warm myself up to no avail. “Johnny!” I yelled.

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Johnny usually would get all doped up in the basement so that it wouldn’t stink up the house. I felt around in my pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes, this motion knocked my lighter to the floor. I snatched the lighter up faster than I could think. The lighter was one of those metal flip-open ones. It was a good lighter, it almost always lit on its first try, and damn near never ran out of fluid. I looked at my pack of cigarettes, I flipped open the pack and pulled a nice clean cigarette out with my teeth. I flipped open my lighter with a flip of my hand and it lit without fail. I stuck the cigarette in the flame and it lit in a second. I held it in my mouth and took a long drag. It took off the edge a bit and I was able to think. I put the cigarette and lighter back in my pocket. I took steps ever closer to the basement, the wooden floor creaked with every step. I wiggled the basement doorknob a couple of times before flinging it open. The smell of alcohol hit my face. I took another long drag on my cigarette before throwing it down with a stomp to make sure it didn’t burn anything. I walk down the stairs of the basement the smell growing ever stronger. I held on to the cold railing to the stairs so as to not fall. I slowly stepped downstairs. I turned the corner and there he was. “Johnny Little John” I called him by his full name. He was lying on the floor with a thin blanket on him. I walked upright beside him, swung my foot back, and kicked him. “You dead yet Johnny.” I said stepping back a little. “No Jayson, I’m not dead.” he responded whispering curses under his breath.

“Then get the hell up.” I said looking down on him. “Fuck off,” he said opening his eyes to a glare. “You know you don’t mean that.” I said pushing him a little with my foot. “I’m not driving nowhere like this,” he said sitting upright. “Now you know damn good and well I can’t drive” I responded sitting down next to him. “Too bad, figure it out. It can’t be that hard if I learned how to do it” He said looking at me. Johnny was the only one of my friends who knew how to drive. “Johnny you got to stop doing this stuff, one day I'm going to walk down here and you aren’t going to wake up,” I said looking back at him. Johnny stood up and cracked his neck. He ignored me and just walked out of the basement. I stood up and looked around, there were bottles on bottles stacked on the floor. I always hated when Johnny was drinking, I knew he did too and he wishes he could stop. It was never like this before Jesse went to prison because Jesse kept Johnny in check. Without that Johnny wasn’t moderated, and that was the last thing he needed.

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I walked up and out of the basement stepping over bottles as I did. As I open the basement door I saw Johnny standing next to the front door. I finally got a good look at him in the lighting. He always had dark brown skin with black hair cut in a fade. He was wearing a white shirt a black jacket and jeans. His shoes were nice, Johnny always wore nice shoes. He smelt like cologne and only faintly smelt like alcohol which was always a bit strange to me. He was attempting to light up a cigarette in his mouth to no avail. “You need one,” he said speaking around the cigarette. “No, I brought my own” I responded walking to him. “You need some help,” I said to Johnny because he still hadn’t lit the cigarette. “No I’ll get it just give me a sec,” Johnny said struggling. Johnny could never light a cigarette, cigar, or a weed. He always fumbled around the lighter and ended up burning his fingers. “Okay fine maybe I do need help,” he said with a sigh. I flipped my lighter out of my pocket and gave his cigarette alight. “So what do you need Jayson, you wouldn’t tell me over the phone so will you tell me now,” Johnny said blowing smoke out of his mouth. “I’ll tell you once I gather the others” I responded as I flipped my lighter into my pocket. “No, you’ll tell me now or I’m not going with you on your wild goose chase,” Johnny said. “I have a plan, and I need the ace gang to do it,” I said stumbling over my words.

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Johnny’s eyes flared and his face reddened. “Listen man I’ll help you with whatever you want, but if you think you can walk up to Ryan or Teagan after what happened and tell them you need their help because a plan you have, it's just not going to go well, it’s just not.” He said looking me dead in the eye. The look Johnny gave me almost pierced my soul. It reminded me of how he looked at me on that night when he saw Jesse being put into a police car. He looked at me like that, as if he expected me to turn back time and stop it from happening. I couldn’t stop it from happening and I still can’t. “We can avenge Jesse, that’s what you want isn’t it Johnny, that’s what you’ve always wanted ever since the day he entered that police car,” I said reaching for the doorknob. Johnny knocked my hand away from the door saying “Ryan and Teagan’s reason to live is different from mine. I live out of spite and for myself, they live for other people.” I knew what he meant, Ryan lived for his brother Rand, and Teagan lived for his friends. I pondered that thought for a while, who did I live for, and why did Ryan and Teagan just choose to live for someone so specific. Did I live for someone that specific, if so who, and why? My thoughts were cut short when Johnny said “Jayson” he took a long drag on his cigarette blowing hot smoke in the air warming my face a bit. “Do you truly think you can get Ryan and Teagan if so I will follow you?”

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He said looking me deep in my eyes not even blinking. This look made Johnny look like one of those old oil paintings you would see at a museum. The ones with eyes that look so real it was scary. Their eyes would stare cold daggers at you, the type of look that would send a chill up your spine and make the hair on your arms stand up. “I want you to look me in my eyes Jayson and tell me that this time nobody will die.” He didn’t even break eye contact with me, I knew he was serious but that was a promise I could not make. I thought about lying but I couldn’t bring myself to it. “I will help you get everyone I possibly can but until you can promise safety there will not be a fight” but I still wondered to myself if I could ever make that promise.

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