He found Me

I saw you in my dream,  you hold my hand but sadly i cannot see your face. Those warm and gentle feeling inside made me want you. 

Those silky and shining golden hair has kept my eyes for you only. Your soft and gentle voice saying "come with me", makes me want to cry. I never dared myself to imagine that someone will take me with them, but even that is just a dream to me, I believe it will real.

You who are someone just left me with the feeling after I wake up just give me another hope that I want to looking for you. I do hope we can reach out to each other in real life so that maybe you can show me those beautiful feeling again.

Meeting you made me realise that i am just a child that want to impress everybody, but don't know how to impress myself. I am a girl who willingly give all that i have so that people can stay. Also i am a woman and yet doesn't valued nor see the worthiness inside.

What is self love ?

How to love myself ?

Is that mean i have to being selfish to others ?

What if they don't like me ?

What if they leave ?

What if i'm not good enough ?

Those questions are keep playing inside my head, and at the time goes by it took my life. I become a person without a soul inside. That dream stay in my head for quite some time and as i live my life, feel like you are with me.

Days goes by, nights is changing. Beautiful dawn is coming and i feel the morning breezed through from the window. It's cold but yet i feel so calm. The soothing and relaxing smell from the grass always be my favorite scent. I took a deep breath try to regain my consciousness, i look at the watch on the table beside me and it showed 5 AM. While i am in a half sleepy state, i started to pray to God, gave Him my gratitude and talked to Him.

"There's nothing more important than spending your time a while with God" that's what i said to myself. 

I talked to Him just like my own father. I mostly complaining about my life to Him. What a rude girl i am.

"Dear my Heavenly Father, is it impossible for me to not involved in this kind of life ? I'm tired. This is too much for me." 

"I have nobody to tell for this kind of situation but i still not getting Your answers".

"Please Father, forgive me. I'll do anything to take this pain away. It's to hurt, it wont heal Father. Please answer my prayers, please give me Your signs". those are my prayers while I cried so much while i kneeled.

I tried to understand what happen in my circumstances while i really don't have choice just to followed. For 20 years old girl, you have to accept everything while the adults don't give you clear explanation about it. Take it and live with it

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