Chapter 3

Crap! he wrote back, why am I so scared!? this is what I wanted, to know, right?! Here goes nothing.

The letter

Hi, am sorry I kept you waiting all this time. I haven't been online in a while. Honestly I was surprised I never thought you had any feelings for me. Am sorry if I had anything to do with you having any feelings for me, it wasn't intentional. I don't even know what to say even after giving it alot of thought and time without sounding like an asshole , but regardless like you requested I need to be truthful to you. I have a girlfriend and she means alot to me, I can't leave her for anything I can think of in this world. I know it's going to be hard to move on because you have liked me fr a long time but I truly pray that you find somebody who will love you and can help you forget your feelings for me. Am really sorry about what you are going through.

Silence

He doesn't like me, he never liked me, he will never like me. What on earth did I expect?!

Just that my heart keeps aching but I think I have taken the news well.

At midnight

Sobs, am I stupid or what why can't I stop reading this stupid letter, it's not like I didn't know that this was the reply I was getting. Am I this naive and stupid or what sobs. Why did I fall for a this guy, I don't think I can move on, I look for him in every guy I pick interest in, he has spoiled all men for me. What do I do, it hurts so much. Can't I just die, this is so unfair sobs.

In the morning

Damnit! my head is killing me, this is what I get for loving a guy so much. Now I understand my mother. But I swear I will never be like my mother, I will move on no matter what or how long it takes and this will be the last guy I will ever love without thinking rationally. I cant have another man to mess up my heart, emotions and my mind this one is enough. I can't think of him without shedding a tear, you are one lucky guy Albert because you will forever be special, my first cut, first heartbreak and my greatest crush.

Two years later

It's been a while since I was transferred to the hospital in the city. I have been having bunches of stupid dates that ended horribly, recently I was dating this guy called Cymon. He had some few traits which reminded me of Albert like his English accent, confidence, jokes and he liked teasing but he was an asshole. A colleague of mine pointed out some things that I hadn't noticed so I decided to trick him with another girl's phone to see where his loyalty lied and guess what, he was playing me so I dumped his ***. Now my current boyfriend wants me to meet his mother which I realized that it wasn't the right thing to do because am not in love with him but now we are already on the way to see her. How did I become like this but just like they say what's broken can't be whole again. Am too broken to make any man happy. After we are back from his home I have to break up with him, he deserves someone who can love him back.

In the evening

I need to be really honest with him, we can never be happy together, with only one of us loving the other .

Me: Hi, your mum is a nice lady.

Max: Yea by the way she liked you.

Me: (smiling nervously)Max there's something I want to tell you.

Max: Am listening dear

Me: I remember the first time we met at campus, you told me how much you liked me and I told you I couldn't date while still schooling. You couldn't take it so you started dodging classes but came back later and said you would wait for me. I appreciate that you have indeed waited for me all this time but just like we agreed that we are trying this relationship out to see whether it will work or not. I don't think this relationship is working for me, am sorry.

Max: ok, so where did I go wrong?!

Me: It's me not you, I can't seem to feel you.

Max: Can we still be friends at least?!

Me: I would like it too

Max: Goodbye

hugs . am really sorry Max I feel horrible for what I have done but after meeting your mother I felt like I was building up false hopes in you. I wish with all my heart for you to get a girl who understands and loves you in ways that I couldn't.

Me: Good bye Max.

Back at work

In these two years that have passed I have grown close with Adrian, I even have a crush on him which is ridiculous considering that we are second cousins. I sometimes wish to myself that he wasn't my brother but maybe then he wouldn't be this kind and sweet towards me like he is now and I wouldn't be loose and unguarded towards him too.

Adrian: How did it go?! Are we getting you married soon?!

Me: Please stop it, I broke up with him.

Adrian: Again?! Now what's wrong with this one.

Me: I kept getting signs that I was in a wrong relationship firstly when he kissed me I wanted to push him away I felt no spark, secondly I was angry the whole time with him, I feel like we are totally different thirdly I felt bad and guilty meeting his mother instead of feeling excited or happy.

Adrian: Come here (hugs) I can't say that I didn't see this coming but I won't make you feel worse than you are no.

Me: Thank you. (he so gets me, what I need and want , where and when,I love his hugs too. I can't love him)

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