chapter 1

it was really tough for me to face it all i had faced when i was younger.

even though i might look bad for doing this i have no regret. i will begin the story when i was 7years old .

I was enjoying what i was doing (playing games and reading and roaming and eating) i looked really happy. but when it was coming to an end.i would have never thought of facing all those difficulties in future . but it was my fate i could not escape.

there was an books exhibition in our school and there was a book i would really like to read and i asked my dad for it he said he would ask mom and then buy it for me and he did ask for it but my mom didn't accept. so as usual kids do even i went and asked my mom to buy it . but when I reach home my aunt was also there and i waited for sometime but she didn't leave, so i decided to ask and did ask for it. she declined she said she would not buy it, and there is no need for that book. I felt bad and was sitting quietly on the chair i did make a sad face for it. i was just a small kid and didn't understand what to do so i was just doing what i wanted to. but i didn't expect my mom to react like that. she just took the knife that she was using for cutting the vegitables and kept it as if she was trying to kill me she put it near my hand. i know it is difficult to believe that this happened but no one can change the reality.

my aunt did try stoping her but my mom didn't listen she kept asking me why am I keeping this kind of face. and i was really scared i told her that i wanted that book but u didn't accept so i am sad. i was so scared that i started crying. my mom did react for my tears she said " no matter how much you cry no one over here is gonna care about you". May be this was more scarier than dying i started to cry louder and said said sorry. i don't remember why did I tell sorry may be i wanted some one to notice me.

actually this is not the first time i didn't get what I want but this was the most intense one. maybe if t i didn't see that book in the exhibition or if i didn't ask her for it or if i...... this wouldn't have even started. I kept giving me reasons for moving on and blaming myself. after all this happening after a few days every thing came back to normal i was happy or maybe i was just trying to be happy. that accademic year was coming to and end. the school organised a trip for the students. Everyone was very happy and was excited to go. i am no exception. i went and told my parents about the trip as both of them were present there as soon as i reach home. my dad accepted and told me he would let me go on one condition and he told i have to be safe and listen to the teacher and not run around. i instantly accept and promised him. but my mom was not happy. i was jumping out of joy. my dad gave mom the money that have to be paid to teacher. i was so happy that i couldn't even sleep properly. the next morning i got ready as usual and was waiting for the bus and then i realised that i didn't take the money for paying for the trip and then i went and asked her for the money. she said that she will not allow me to go. i was sad but i thought i will ask my dad to convence her. and then i went to the school. then in the afternoon the teacher asked for the enrollment every one gave the money except me. everyone asked if i was going or not. I said i won't be going everyone asked why? but i didn't have answer for it. I could have told the truth but they would think bad about my parents so i didn't tell anything. I told them i will try coming i will ask them once again if i can. but it is not confirm that i would come. everyone was disappointed but the most sad person was me but i didn't show it i kept smiling. we returned to home in the evening. my brother asked mom to send him to the trip (the school has informed them today) my mom didn't reply in front of me. he kept asking. I don't know what happened my brother went to the room that my mom was there and came back happily laughing. I don't know what happened so i kept quiet and thinking what might have happened i kept guessing. the first thing that came to my mind was "did she allow him to go to trip" but then i thought she wouldn't have done that. but i was wrong. I got to know in the night. I asked my brother what he is so happy about today? he replied "mom accepted for going to trip" i was shocked. then i questioned myself did i do something wrong that mom didn't accept for me to go to trip? maybe my mom got angry because i asked my dad first to go to the trip. in the morning i was sleepy and sad i got up and was getting ready for going to school. I was waiting for the bus to come. we reached the school and the whole day i only had this thought that i did something wrong in the evening before going to home teacher called me and asked "r u not feeling well ?" I told her i was completely fine i was smiling but she understood that i was sad for not able to come to the trip. she then told my mom came and paid for the trip. I was really happy and she told she is waiting for me to go. I felt really happy. I went directly to her to talk to her and thank her. but there was something else happening

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