Chapter Three

"Um, thank you, you, too," she responded distractedly, turning sharply out of the doorway and feeling intensely grateful for having been raised from an early age to possess a certain amount of grace.

She was still far from it, but Shoko didn't dare think what kind of messes she'd get into if she were left to manage with her natural grace, which was no doubt non-existent.

Stepping into the light of day, she opened her mouth to speak, but in the end, no sound came out, for she saw that Kahoko was not alone. Her breath caught, and she felt thrilled and crushed all at the same time, heart pausing painfully before resuming an unnatural tempo.

A golden shaft of sunlight warmed Kahoko's hair, giving it's deep red a shimmering layer of gold-orange. Her head tilted upwards, her mouth smiling that lovely smile that until this point, Shoko had associated only with feelings of peace and contentment. But a strange, twisting feeling clenched within her, and she couldn't seem to speak.

And of course, in front of Kahoko, emitting his own sun-lent glow, was Len Tsukimori, seeming to unconsciously lean closer, pulled in by Kahoko's magic. His eyes, which usually betrayed nothing, held a suspicious warmth, and perhaps Shoko was imagining it, but he seemed ever so slightly flushed, playing tall, elegant, and reserved to Kahoko's petite, kind, and open.

'Like a picture painted by fairies,' Shoko thought. 'Perfectly matched opposites, in a world completely their own.'

She was quietly debating whether to bolt while they were absorbed in each other, if only to escape that dreadful, unsettling feeling coiled within her gut, when Kahoko caught sight of her and waved her over with a smile.

Helpless, Shoko moved forward, her heart pounding and an inexplicable despair seizing her muscles.

"Ts-tsukimori-senpai," she choked out, bowing in greeting. But before she bent her head, she saw his startled gaze flick over to her, and she realized then that he hadn't even noticed her. Mortification filled her, the accompanying flush crawling up her neck and filling her head with a warm, pounding sensation.

He returned the greeting automatically, but his attention was on Kahoko the entire time.

'Please, please, just let me disappear. I would give anything.'

Her pleas went unanswered, and Kahoko began to speak, gesturing towards Len, sounding a little more scattered than usual. So he unnerved her, too, Shoko noted. She felt ill.

"Ah, yes, while you were in there, I ran into Tsukimori-kun. He said he had an errand to run . . . oh . . . Tsukimori-kun, why don't you come to the cake shop with us?"

Later on, Shoko would congratulate herself on not falling over dead on the spot, but at the moment, she was too busy trying to keep from screaming, "Nooooooooooooo!" to give herself much credit, or consider the fact that surely Kahoko would have realized how uncomfortable that would be and known better than to ask him. And if she didn't, all she'd have to do was notice that Shoko's eyes were screaming and she'd stop short. Sadly, she had not.

But then, one did not have time to think about such things when one was having a crisis. If you could call it that. Apoplectic fit would almost do as well.

Len hesitated for a long moment, a moment in which Shoko did more and sincerer praying than she ever had in her life. 'Say no, say no, say no,' she repeated fervently, holding her breath and clenching her fists at her sides. 'Say no.'

"Okay."

'God damn it!'

She clapped a hand over her mouth, shocked by her own profanity, even though she hadn't said it out loud. She hadn't, had she?

"Is something wrong, Shoko-chan?"

Oh, good. She hadn't. But now Kahoko probably thought she was insane in addition to being dull and difficult to have a conversation with. What color in her face had fled when Kahoko had invited him along returned with a vengeance. 'Stupid. What are you thinking? You're acting like an idiot. What is wrong with you? He's just a person. What's the big deal? Why can't you just act like a normal person for once?'

"I-I'm fine, I just . . . um," she scrambled for an excuse. "Er, the child . . . over there . . . um, he almost tripped, and it alarmed me . . ."

'That is quite possibly the dumbest excuse you have ever come up with.'

By now, the shame was a physical ache.

Kahoko glanced back towards the child skipping along the sidewalk, and nodded, a little smile creeping across her face. "I'm glad he didn't, then. Shall we go, Shoko-chan, Tsukimori-kun?" She looked at them, poised to continue along, and they both nodded, Len with a mixture of eagerness and hesitance, and Shoko with the growing numbness that now seemed to have taken over. She'd felt a bigger range of emotions today than she probably had in the last year.

They set off, and Shoko dragged behind numbly, watching the two of them interact, Kahoko awkwardly pitching forward conversation and Len rewarding her efforts with equally awkward, stilted responses.

For the first time ever, in spite of all her efforts to avoid disappointment, in spite of knowing she was who she was and she always would be, Shoko wished with all her heart that she could be Kahoko.

Kahoko slowed, and glanced behind towards Shoko, waiting for her to catch up.

"Are you alright, Shoko-chan?"

Shoko moved a little faster, hating that in her efforts to fade back, she'd drawn attention to herself. Len was giving her another one of those "Huh? Someone else in the world exists aside from Kahoko?" looks. She forced her eyes away from him, and tried to smile.

"I'm s-sorry, Kaho-senpai . . . I'm just fine."

And she only stuttered once.

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