Valentina

A week after the accident.

From the day i was born, i never felt any kind of affection from my mother.

Well, she is dead and i've never seen or known anything about her.

At least we share an anniversary: The day of my birth and her death.

I never had a ball or a banquet in my birthday. It has always been forbbinden to be happy on that specific day.

I also nerver felt the affection of my father.

He hated the very existence of me.

He thinks i killed the love of his life. That i was the reason which led them to part. That i'll carry my misdeed with me till the day i leave the world.

Well, i guess that's true.

I've spent my entire childhood crying myself to sleep because whenever i try to talk to my father he either ignores or scolds me. Even the servants didn't give me enough respect as i was the forgotten princess. I used to question my very existance. I can't count how many times i tried to end this suffering by ending my life.

But by growing older each day, the pain grew more and more bearble. The more he tries to hurt me the more i got immune. The more the suffring becomes part of my life, the more i let go of the idea to die and the more i get angry.

He doesn't deserve to be a father.

Even when I got the news of his death, I felt nothing. Numb. No tears coming.

It's like all my tears were used up that there's no more coming out.

Maybe he became more of a stranger than a father to me.

Or are you just used to pain?

I couldn't help but hate him even more everytime I see my sister cry secretly at his lost. He did hold her dearly, but I still hope he felt some regret. For everything he did to me. He made me who I am.

I used to practice swordmanship because it made me too tired to stay up all night thinking. Only to find myself drown in its beauty. People normaly won't see any beauty in a sword.

But i saw it.

I felt it.

Therefore, i created an image of myself now. The merciless princess. Or the princess of darkness. Noone knows me and people still make assumptions based on their personal beliefs. Either nobility or commoners. They share the same opinion about me. But none of them dares to face me.

Hypocrites.

Also, Valeria always complains about me leading wars. She knows i am capable but she believes that my life is not valuable enough to me. She thinks i might let myself die in the battlefield.

Well, that's true. She knows me more than anyone. She's also the only family i have. If she didn't exist, i don't think i would have known what Love is. I wouldn't have known how does it feel to be loved and cheriched. She does her best to make it up to me. But she knows that there will always be an angry child beneath me.

Darkness.

It has set her seal upon my soul long ago.

•••

"With the permission of the emperor. You will be leading the army. And you'll follow this strategy. Undrestood?"

"Yes, ma'am." Said the vice-president. I was planning on going myself but after the accident i couldn't leave my sister. I knew she would not permit it.

"Very well."

Someone knocked on the door then opened it.

My secretary. Of course.

I grew accostumed to her manners. She's the only person who knocks and entres without waiting for my permission.

"I apologize for interrupting your meeting but your highness must make haste as you need to prepare for your dinner with princess Valeria."

She also believes she has to remind me of everything i have to do.

"I am quite aware of my dinner with the princess. I also happen to carry a watch with me. So you can take your leave until i ask you to come." I said coldly. I can see her discomfort. Her face is now red so she bowed to hide it.

"All my apologies. I shall take my leave this instant." She said while running to the door.

Pathetic.

"The meeting is concluded. You are dissmissed." I said to Antony-the vice-president.

"As you wish your highness." He said then he opened his mouth to talk again but hesitantly closed it back.

"What is it you wish to say. Speak." I command.

"I wanted to ask if we can practice swordmanship like the old days."he said looking down.

I smiled. For the first time in weeks.

Or is it months?

"Yes we can. I will make time in my scedual for it after you come from the battlefield."

He looked at me shocked at first but then smiled back.

"Thank you your highness."

I left for dinner at nine past thirty. I hope she doesn't nagg about how tardive i became.

I entered the doors of her chambers. She was sitting in the dinning table. Still wearing her black mourning gown. Her head down and her eyes swollen as if she just cried and a frown has set her seal into her angelic face.

Seeing her crying makes all my defenses crumble. She is the only human being that makes me feel something except fury, anger and disgust.

She notices my presence and jerks up quickly.

"Valentina?" Her voice sounded more desperate than ever.

"I'm sorry. I kept you waiting."

"Don't apologize. I got used to your tardiness." She forced a smile so wide that it seemed more of a grimace.

"Take a seat." She montioned to the seat in front of her. The table was full of all my favorite meals like she said. Even the things that she doesn't enjoy eating.

I sit facing her. She calls the servant to start serving us food.

"So what was the meeting about?"

"It was about the coming war with our neighboring kingdoms. They want to take advantage of the death of the crown prince to attack. But i had the perfect strategy to remind them of their place."

"But didn't the duke said he'll handle this matter. Why are you interfering?" She said confused.

"From the beginning i was trying to convince his majesty that war in this case was the only way to end this unconvenience. But the duke insisted on diplomacy. He promised that he would sort things out without the need of any kind of military aid." Realisation hit her and she started frowning.

"But he failed on his duty miserably that the emperor summoned me and requested that i take care of the rest. And so i proposed a war strategy that he approved of."

"So you're leaving for another war right? How could you-" she started but i interrepted

"I'm not."

"What." shocke visible on her feathers.

"That's why i arranged a meeting with Antony. I was merely explaning my strategy so he can follow it. I'm not going anywhere at the moment. I'm not leaving you."i said as i notice her releasing her frown and replace it by tears.

Emotionel as ever.

"I thought you'd leave like you do everytime something happens. You don't have to run sister. I'm with you." She said while leaving her seat and coming to hug me ignoring the eyes watching us. She sensed my discomfort as she dissmissed them so we can be more comfortable.

She then went back to her seat only to start asking millions of questions that i couldn't keep up with until she switched into a serious but worried ton.

"Valentina. There is something that i would like you to explain to me." I raise an eyebrow.

"Which is?"

"Its about Charlos and his proposal." I thought i explained myself enough for her to understand the reason behind my refusal.

"What do you wish to undrestand? I think we already talked about this enough times, didn't we?"

"No we did not. I never had the chance to voice my worries about it." What. What would she be worried about?

"Is there any reason behind your refusal? I mean a real reason."

"I already told you i do not wish to give up my title as-"

"That's not the only reason. Valentina please open up to me. You don't realise how it's becoming harder and harder to read you."

"There is no reason except the one that i already explained."

"Another question."

"Go ahead."

"Is it just him or you do not wish to marry at all."

What is she insinuating to?

"I don't wish to marry at all because in my case i don't need a husband to get a title or money."

"And you don't wish to become empress?" She said. I frown at her not undrestanding what is her point in all these questions.

"No i do not." I answer firmly.

"Why?"

"You want me to explain why i musn't be an empress? Seriously?"

"Yes." She said looking at me straight in the eye. I get myself together, putting on the most emotionless face then i say.

"First, no one can garanty that he will ascend to the throne. You are also a potential heir according to rumors. And, there's six other competitor. Second, even if he becomes the heir, i don't think i have enough ambition to become a ruler. My will in life isn't to serve the people of the empire. I am serving the crown. Maintaining peace. If i become the empress i will bring ruin to the country. And i do not wish to be the reason of its ruin. Not to mention the responsablity of bearing a child as a heir."

"So you think you're incapable of all that."

"I don't think. I am sure. I cannot provide our people with what they need nor can i raise a child properly."

"Did you speak to him about this. I think he has a right to undrestand why you declined his proposal."

"And i think we talked enough about this topic."

"But-"

"If you wish to infuriate me any further proceed with your talking."

She paused, then smiled at me and said.

"I only wish for you to be true to yourself. Seek happiness instead of pushing it."

True to myself?

I frowned confused about what she said. Then realisation hit me. She wants to make sure his feelings aren't mutual. And that's why she was beating around the bush instead of asking the real question.

"I do not love him."

"I just want you to be happy."

"And do you think i should seek happiness even if it goes against logic itself?"

"Of course not. But don't push it when it's granted."

I hate it when she starts lecturing me. Because i know that what she says is always wise and true.

"Yes ma'am." I said sarcasticly with an exagerated bow.

"Stop it!" She laughed and that made me smile.

I also love it when she laugh. I will do everyting just to see her smile.

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