Chapter 1: The Beginning

Do you ever feel like doing absolutely nothing? That even standing up from your bed feels like too much. But it's 7am, so you force yourself. You make your bed, even though you're going to sleep in it again. You do the dishes, even though there's no use of washing it when you're going to use it once more. You mope the floor, even if people will step on it again and again.

Everything you do is useless.

You don't matter. Your health is nothing more than a drop of water. There's no use in struggling. That's what they thought use in school. Nothing more, nothing less. The world is cruel. But then again, if it's unfair... then it's fair?

Be like the others. Be like the children playing on the playground. Be ordinary. Don't be unique, don't be special. Everyone is the same. Their all similar, two faced. If not, then just rude. They all said I needed to be like the other people, obedient. Except, I was never normal. My mother used to tell me I was special, unique. Right after that...

She died.

My mother once told me a story. It's not really a story. It's more of a riddle. It was about kindness.

I protect people from the burning rays of the sun.

I give them shelter in rain.

I give them peace, to be able to sleep.

I give some animals a home.

I feed anyone who comes near me.

I caress people's faces when their near me.

I give them rain water that I collected.

But...

Once, a man came and killed me, for I was resourceful.

He was greedy for the things I have, that he took advantage of my kindness.

My mother told me kindness is something serious. It can make one grateful, but another one envious. Never trust anyone. Don't let your guard down.

I've never understood the meaning of Life, neither was I able to know what Love meant.

The only two words I knew were Hatred and Death.

My father once also told me a question. I wasn't able to understand or answer it, until now.

"To what extent is who are you shaped by your surroundings."

He changed, he left and never came back. People change, so never put your bets on someone who's kind, because they'll Definitely change.

That was my childhood.

I was sent to an orphanage. Neither did I start receiving kindness, just the same old cold glances of the people around me. If you try to change the world, you'll suffer more. That's why, I named my life unchangeable.

I was basically raised to be used.

I've never asked to be born, to live? What's the point of life once you've lost your determination? The answer is simple, one word, a thousand meanings.

Pointless

It's pointless to live once you've lost all hope and determination to do so. You live your days as you wish they were your last. Every time you woke up and look in the mirror, you see and think, "Where has it all gone wrong?".

So now, I just close my eyes, as my consciousness slides into the abyss of darkness...

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