The Masked Queen
"Some storms bring us rain. Some storms bring us light. Some storms are damaging but they leave us with insight."
- Annonymous
The storm was exploding like a tamed cat gone crazy. Livid black clouds reared up like a cobra readying itself to attack. They spat lightning onto the pitiful scene beneath, cutting through the sky unlike burning venom.
Bang! Bang! Bang!
The acrid smell of stale gunpowder enveloped her nasal cavities. The war has grudged continuously for 7 months now. Their sanity was on the brink of extinction; perhaps it were a good cause. At the very least, they could leave this nightmarish antiutopia. Now, all that lay in a field of thousands years of peace cold corpses and still the weapons are fired without stop, without a single living soul to tell the tale.
These machines rumbled on and it's owners lost sight of their fiends and friends. They became blind. Upon this theater of battles, Veils have draped their hearts and they have confined in fear from their thoughts. Bullets razed through the air and straight through their hearts. There was just no stop.
Lightning lite the skies in brilliant streaks. Fog embraced every tree, every square centimeter of of the ground; trees writhing and flailing, their pain carried away by the wind. Thunder declared itself as some rock star upon a stage. Sheets of rain revived the grass, resounding and rippling without frontier.
She sat rightfully and victoriously upon the throne; Her majestic crown proudly positioned itself on her light brown forest in acknowledgement. Her blood stained ceremonious robe prostrated to the floor respectfully.
The ensanguined court with the blood of battle yielded compliant and grovelled at her once foresaken mercy.
The wind did not howl, it screamed mercy; it screamed like a banshee, uprooting weeds and shrubs in a fit of ever-consuming rage. The rain did not fall, it was driven mad; rain hammered the ground, an impenetrable salvo of bullets. The trees did not sway, they creaked, bend and moaned as their fine limbs were ripped away and their autumnal leaves become not confetti, but ammunition in the gale.
That long and mysterious night was her claim of the throne. The beginning of her reign. She was the ultimate sovereign.
"I have won this war." Her domineering voice controlled the atmosphere, to the thoughts of the people and the training ropes of nature. Such was her power. Such was her reign.
"probably you did, possibly you did not." A confused voice echoed throughout the stained pillars of the room.
There stood a man of well build and tall frame. His features could not be seen, but surely it could be distinguished he was one to last a century.
She knew. She knew him. From her heart and her soul. Her heart began to sank the moment she caught whiff of his presence. Strangely enough, she was joyous; she could hear the sweet songs, and the chanting hymns that the wind sung and the memories it brought.
Without realising, the strange man was now approximately inches a way from her. They locked their intense gaze upon each other and the surroundings fazed. As though they were the only two standing in the entire universe.
He pulled her into a strong hug and she willingly wrapped her arms around him. They both knew what was coming. But they both would not regret the aftermath; or perhaps so was what they thought.
"heuk! Ahh! heuk!" She grimaced at the staggering agony and absolute defeat, that one stab of dagger brought upon her.
Her hands automatically reached for her wound and protected it. Her body beautifully and slowly curled up in his sheltered embrace as she fell to the ground.
Her full red lips formated a bitterly sweet smile, "we star crossed-lovers, heartbreak and regret, when I look into your eyes I wish we had never met." Her tone sadly exchanged these regretful emotions. "I may have - heuk! Lost som- one...that never....ahhh.....loved me but you have lost someone.....that tru-ly loved you....heuk!" With that final goodbye, her soft slender hands dropped dramatically to the floor.
This was the man that had shamelessly stolen her heart.
"No. Like always, you are wrong today as well. I truly loved you. You and you only." His speech endowed justification. Regret. Hatred.
His eyes pricked with ruby crystals and threatened to roll down his cheeks. It was as though he were weeping tears of blood, such, a rare sight it were for him to cry. And for a women.
This was the woman that had arrogantly stolen his heart.
just as when the red wavelengths began breaking through the atmosphere and the moon bid it's farewell. The sun came into sight. He looked at her for a brief moment before formulating a sad expression, he burnt a little more and again he left her to mourn till dawn.
Perhaps, the real war had only just began.
- "Victory in hatred,
defeat in love.
Victory in love,
defeat to life."
-S.C Swiss
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Hey my fellow MangaTooners, My brand new novel!
-I am currently working on new ways to make my writing more enjoyable and not so boring-(I do hope u like them though)
-if you guys find any mistakes in my writing please do not hesitate to comment, it will definitely help me. I will be back to edit this prologue though.
-Tell me what you think of our two protagonists.
-What is their love story?
-What is happening in this scene?
Do not be shy to share your thoughts and whatever you think - but I would appreciate kind comments😄
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Comments
Lmfao_144
You could say “She knew that neck, that back, that chest” adding more adjectives to describe how they were like and felt, tying back to her memories, giving more insight to the readers on how that person looked like. I think they hug I am not really sure, if they did hug or were close you could describe the fabric, was it smooth, were the clothes dirty, whether he had a shirt on or not, how that contact felt like, how did his chest and she emotionally feel like. At also the stabbing part, you could describe more on how the knife felt to pierce through her flesh, was it cold or not, was it sharp, describing also the design of that knife. If that was a knife or a sword, I don’t remember that clearly, but in either case you should describe them.
Also that part where she says “I may have lost someone who didn’t love me, but you lost someone who loved you” doesn’t really make sense, because a person who does not love you, was never “yours”, so he was never lost. She saying that means that he lost her, her love, but she never lost his because it was never there. I get what you wanted to say, but the wording is not really correct. You want to show that he lost someone who could take care of her, meanwhile she didn’t lose anything, but the way you say it shows a similar meaning to what you wanted to have, yet so different. Please do correct me if I am wrong.
2020-06-14
3
Lmfao_144
The more adjectives you put the richer the text is. How was the ground, was it cold and how did that feel. You could take advantage by describing the countless bodies, bathed in blood (describe the blood too). You did take advantage on some parts to describe through the nature how the situation was, but there were more things you could have taken advantage from. The transition where you go from describing the nature to the girl was smooth, but you needed more work on the transitions you had describing nature. It was really vague at some parts, parts which should actually be clear to the reader, even though you are aiming for a vague situation to later describe it. At the part where he shows up you could firstly describe the figure, how it looked like at first, the sound of his steps depending on which medium he was walking in, and did she hear those steps, how familiar were those steps to her if she did. You wanted to turn that part where he showed up dramatic, by repeating two sentences and writing that she knew him, but you could also use more repetition of the word “knew”, to take advantage of it by describing him, adding a melancholic and light tone to it. By this you show how much she loved him, making the reader know that they actually knew each other, indicating that to be really important.
2020-06-14
5
Lmfao_144
This is ok but it still needs a lot of work. Aim for more complex sentences, using “which” phrases like that to tie those two sentences together especially when you describe the nature. Describe the landscape, where she was, was she outside, inside, how was the place in which she was in, dark, empty with cold floor tiles or just light and heart-warming. What were her features like, was she a girl or a woman, how was her dress, what was the color of the throne and how did it feel. Was the throne comfortable or not, so you can describe also how she is feeling like. How did it smell and how did the place around her feel like. You could describe more onto the sound of the storm, instead of just a bang bang like moaning, groaning in pain etc.
2020-06-14
4