Perfection

As a person who is just growing, I can't fully grasp the idea that I cannot somehow be imperfect. The people around me, including me, have made it seem impossible to be loved unless I am perfect. It helped me to grow as a person but it did not make me happy. They were having to constantly compare me to others if they answered more than me if they did something better than me if they achieved more than me. I always and I mean always compare those situations. If I even thought about just doing nothing or relaxing fully knowing that there is a bunch of or even a small number of tasks that I have not done yet my mind will torture me to do something avoiding doing that task that is causing me the stress. I don't know why I do this maybe it's a response to the stress. I have always felt not worthy, scared of the what-ifs. What if I become that person that studied hard yet did not make it in life?What if I become the person that I feared? What if I fail this one test and I stop being on the top? What if don't win this contest?What if my classmates find me annoying? What if I met an incredible person fell in love and had a kid together but in the end he/she going to leave me all alone and bruised? What if I become the people that are hurting me? The person that just keeps expecting me to be perfect? WHAT IF I MAKE A HUGE MISTAKE? Anything can change in a blink of an eye and I'm scared of that uncertainty I can't accept that my life is uncertain. I hate that I'm growing up and realizing all of these I just fear that maybe I'm just overreacting maybe I do need this pressure. Maybe this is for the best.

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