Shreya FL

Today is my marriage. I don't know what i should feel right now. Should i be happy that i get a chance to start a new life. But the past with full of regrets and pain kills everyone. This made me think that i deserve this or not (to have a fresh start). When i have no emotions left . My wish to gain love , care and attention from others had faded away. I feel like i am an emotionless person.

Thinking about Nicholas. He was a nerd with a handsome face that every girl would want him. Yeah we had a past , that was the only past that made me very happy and satisfied . He would tutor me every time we were together. He was like a teacher that every student hates. I used to be pissed by his over controlling behavior. But after i got to know him better, he was a nice guy who hates to be open to others.

We had the friendly relationship that is rare. we had been best friends after that...but today that friendship or the relation i guess would change to marriage. When i got news that he would be leaving , I felt like I was alone and felt lonely that time was most hard for me to get hold of myself.Until some devastating thing happened in my life.......

This marriage is because my parents asked Nicholas parents for marriage as they like Nicholas very much.They told me he is the guy that they would ever want me to be with. They told me that I would be happy with him.

You know that's not the thing i am worrying about. Will he be happy after he marries me. Will I ever make him happy when I can't even feel my thoughts and feelings myself.. This question has buried me every time.

while the thoughts on... There was sound coming from the door ( shreya be ready , it's time now )my mother called me. I looked at the mirror last time i didn't feel pretty at all but the dresses and jewellery were nice , it seemed like I was not beautiful here.

Then my mom came inside and saw me she was like she saw some ghost or something. She was shocked. the feeling I had become more and more shiver....until she said you looked very pretty Shreya.. She told me I looked pretty...I don't really get it I am looking pretty... I feel more and more terrified.

Then she said don't worry about your past, he will make me overcome it. I feel like she had more confidence in Nicholas than me to change myself.. I thought how they could think like that.... I feel so confused...

it's time to walk in the aisle with dad. My dad told me to calm by patting my hand ( indicating It will be alright ...It's really okay).I feel myself claiming down instantly. This situation made me think that if our parents had any magic or something because they always caught us off guard.

I don't have any nerve to see his face . But when we came near and near I looked at him gently . He looked literally very handsome in that black tuxedo. If not for my condition,I would definitely fall for him. Then he came towards us ,he took my hand gently and kissed it ( indicating that he would take care of me for a lifetime). That was the time I felt I was fullest or something. The feeling was like eating a full plate of favorite food after a long time of diet...

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