continue

When I came too, I was standing in empty darkness by myself.

Ah, I’m alone again. I suddenly understood, and my chest felt tight. In the end, perhaps god was telling me not to get carried away. That life wasn’t so soft, that such turnabouts don’t happen.

I mean, the probability was zero point zero zero zero percent, was it not? The probability he loves me was zero. Even if a year had passed, I doubt that probability would make some dramatic comeback.

He loving me was an impossible thing for eternities to come. So he wouldn’t be my family. I got the feeling he told me that as well.

So my mind sunk down once more.

The next place my consciousness resurfaced was a space more gray than black.

I didn’t quite have a grip on my sense of time. Whether a lot of time had passed, or it had only been a few hours. To me, the fact I was alone again came first, and I could care less about the time, so perhaps that’s how I perceived it.

It felt as if a light was hitting me from somewhere. While they were closed, an impact of something piercing into my retinas gradually changed my surroundings from gray to white.

‘Yuri, today’s probability was 0% again. You’ll have a good day today.’

I heard a voice. His voice.

It was a bit muffled, but it was definitely his voice.

But that was strange. Did he ever even call me by my name before?

Thinking that far, I understood that voice was an auditory hallucination. The words and voice I wanted to hear were arbitrarily being broadcast by my brain.

‘The weather’s nice today. When you wake up, let’s take a walk together.’

“Oh, I can’t see it from here. But that sounds nice. I’d like to walk with you too.”

I had answered before I realized it. How foolish, having an internal conversation with the him of my illusions was sheer stupidity. I thought, but even so it was fun, and I joyfully responded to the words coming down.

The next time, and the time after that, every time my mind resurfaced, I would converse with his illusion.

‘Today, I brought some dashi-rolled eggs I cooked up. They’re not tasty at all, and I ended up burning them, but won’t you eat them with me someday?’

“Of course. If it’s something you made, then I’d eat it even if it were poisoned. Didn’t I tell you that?”

‘The truth is, I punched your doctor today. I don’t regret the fact I hit him, but I do want to apologize, for what it’s worth. But I don’t have the courage. When you wake up, can you go together with me? I think that will boost my confidence.’

“You’re a bonafide adult, so you can go on your own. I’ll see you off half the way.”

‘Today’s flowers are gerberas. They look like they’d suit you. It seems that gardening’s the new fad these days. Do you think we should try it out together sometime?’

“Sounds nice. The truth is, I like cosmos. But they’re not quite suited for gardening, right? I also like pansies, so should we start with those?”

His illusion often used the word, ‘together’, and when I thought over how that was indicating my own desires, I became excessively embarrassed. But are these really hallucinations?

What I was exchanging words with was a phantom. That was what I thought, but could it be the words themselves… seeing myself think that, my chest became tight.

If these really were his words, I’d be delighted. Unbelievably delighted.

I’m not sure how many times it had been. I felt my mind resurface.

Today, his ever-muffled voice sounded much clearer than usual.

‘Happy birthday. I brought the flowers I couldn’t get to you last time. This time I have a proper one hundred. Amazing, isn’t it? We can go buy a present once you wake up. For seven years’ worth, it doesn’t matter whatever you ask for. And I haven’t the slightest what you would want. You’ll have to tell me in detail next time.’

And I tried to respond as I always did. But it was strange. Today of all days, my voice wouldn’t come out.

‘Hey, today’s probability was also 0%. Why are you still in bed?’

Those words were caught on his nose for some reason. Was he crying? When I thought it, I couldn’t just stay as I was.

‘What color do you like? What are your hobbies?’

Why are you crying? Are you in pain? Sorrow?

‘What did you do when I was away? What flowers do you like?’

I like cosmos. I told you earlier, didn’t I? What’s wrong? Didn’t you hear me?

‘Show me some pictures of your childhood next time. What high school did you go to?’

I’ll show you as many as you want, and I’ll tell you all about them. So you don’t have to cry, I don’t want to see your crying face.

No matter how many times I tried to let out my voice, it wouldn’t come out. A hazy, strange sound was all that came out, and no words to comfort him would escape my lips.

If he was crying, then cheering him up was my role.

I mean, I’m his ‘family’.

A painful light seared my eyelids. My painfully dry throat only let off a strange sound. That shadow I could vaguely make out was surely you. There’s no way I would be mistaken.

“Good morning. You sure slept in today.”

“Good morning. Masahiro.”

Again, my voice wouldn’t come out. And again, he cried.

“Did you think up a good birthday present? Want a new computer? Your old notebook was already broken, wasn’t it? Or would a bag or necklace be better? Woman have an image of liking precious metals, but does that image fit you?”

On a certain day, near my encroaching discharge, Masahiro asked me.

“Can I really ask for anything?”

“Yeah, because I made you wait quite a while. But please limit to what I’m capable of. I don’t think I can become an oil baron.”

“Oh, I’ve no desire to extort something so expensive from you.”

As my mouth turned sour, the hand he reached to pat my head was comforting.

“Then say it. Quickly. Anything.”

“Masahiro, please lend me your ear.”

Since I was sitting in a wheelchair, he brought his head close.

And with all my might, I pestered him this.

“I want a family with you.”

***Download NovelToon to enjoy a better reading experience!***