first kiss

Chapter Three

Let me tell you about Primal Scream:

This is a semiannual Harvard tradition that occurs on the night before final exams. It’s a

way to relieve stress. Basically, the students (most of the male variety) run a lap around Harvard

Yard screaming at the top of their lungs. Also, they’re completely *****.

I wasn’t planning on running Primal Scream. First, I was a girl. Nice girls don’t run

around campus *****, even on nights when it’s socially acceptable. Especially when they’re

mostly skin and bones. Second, we were in the throes of a New England winter. The temperature

was currently 16 degrees. There was ice on the ground.

But that didn’t mean I didn’t want to watch. Delia and I bundled up in our down-laced

winter coats, put on our warmest hats, and perched on the steps of our dorm to see the boys run

past. Even with all that padding, we were hugging ourselves and bouncing up and down to keep

warm. “I’m freezing,” Delia said. “My teeth are chattering. Look!” She showed me her quivering

jawline.

“We just need to put on more weight,” I said. “The warmest shape is spherical.”

“You’re such a nerd,” Delia said.

“Look who’s talking, pre-med.”

We were near the end of the circle so we got to watch as the herd of ***** students made

their way toward us, desperate to find their friends with clothing. I heard in the spring, they run

pretty fast, but right now there was so much ice on the ground that the boys were moving almost

in slow-motion in order to avoid falling on their bare asses. I could pick out each individual

body, each individual set of genitals. Even as I tried not to look, it was impossible not to.

“Hey, there’s Luke!” Delia said.

And then I saw him. Luke Thayer, completely *****. And… oh. My. God. If I thought he

looked good dressed, he looked incredible *****. He had such a perfect body—slim yet well￾defined muscles in his arms and legs and chest, his limbs covered with a healthy layer of golden

hair. I felt my jaw fall open. I’d heard he rowed for crew, and clearly it had paid off. I was so

mesmerized that I barely even noticed he was walking towards me.

“Hey, Twelve Fingers!” he cried.

He was standing about three feet away from me, completely *****. Considering I was

cold in my coat, he must have been freezing, but he seemed totally comfortable. I, on the other

hand, was having some difficulty taking deep breaths. I couldn’t look him in the eyes, but then

again, where the hell was I supposed to look?

“Hi,” I finally said.

“I hope you realize how cold it is,” Luke said. He grinned. “I wouldn’t want you to think

that this is all there is.”

“Uh…” I said. I didn’t know what he was talking about at the time, but Delia later

explained to me that he was referring to his *****. Although if he was apologizing for that, he

really didn’t have anything to apologize for. Not that I looked or anything. Heaven forbid.

“I guess I’ll see you around,” he said, and gave me one last wave before jogging off.

Delia took one look at my face. “So you don’t like him, huh?” she teased me.

“Suuuure….”

I believed in my heart that Delia was wrong, that I didn’t like Luke, that I could never

like someone who was such an asshole. That I would never be so superficial as to fall for

someone just based on looks, even if he did happen to have the body of a Greek god.

Yet after that night, I found myself having dreams about him. Dreams of him *****, in

bed with me, kissing me. And when I awoke, I’d always feel a touch of disappointment that it

had all just been a dream.

***

Final exams were really rough. I barely slept for almost a week, surviving on catnaps and

coffee. On the night of my last exam, all I wanted to do was crash in bed, but Delia wouldn’t

hear of it. She pointed out that I hadn’t gotten drunk once all semester and I deserved to unwind.

“We’re only eighteen,” I pointed out. “We’re too young to drink.”

Delia groaned. “I’m going to smack you, Ellie. Seriously.”

Delia had leads on a few parties, but the first one we tried wouldn’t let us in because we

were freshman. That is, we were freshman and we weren’t hot enough. We tried a second party

though and nobody was guarding the door, so we walked right in.

Despite how cold it was outside, the party felt like a sauna. It was so hot that steam

immediately filled my glasses and I had to take them off to clean them. I could feel my hair

curling. The place was dimly lit and there was loud music playing the background. I took off my

coat and tossed it onto a sticky pile on the floor.

“Hey! Twelve Fingers!” I nearly groaned when I heard the voice coming from behind

me. I didn’t want to turn around, but Delia had mysteriously disappeared and we were packed

into the room like sardines. I took a deep breath and came face to face with Luke Thayer.

“Thayer House,” I said, forcing a smile. “How are you?”

“Fan-*******-tastic,” Luke said, with a grin to show that he wasn’t on his first drink of

the evening. He ****** a tiny paper cup into my hand, like the kind you put ketchup in.

“What’s this?” I asked.

“Jello shot,” Luke said. He had one in his other hand, and he popped the contents into his

mouth, then tossed the cup onto a nearby table. “Go ahead.”

“I don’t really drink,” I mumbled.

“Of course you do,” Luke said. “This is college.”

I looked down doubtfully at the green jello. It looked innocent enough, I guess. Anyway,

how much alcohol could it possibly have? I took a deep breath and popped it in my mouth,

nearly choking on the taste of rum.

“They’re strong, huh?” Luke said.

I nodded, still coughing a bit. I noticed Luke was standing very close to me. He sort of

had to be because the room was so packed, but he was even closer than he had to be. His

shoulder was touching mine.

“You were a worthy adversary this semester, Twelve Fingers,” Luke said. “I’ll miss

you.”

I laughed. “You’ll miss me? Really?”

“Of course,” he said. His golden hair was kind of damp from the heat in the room and

looked darker than it usually did. “Won’t you miss me?”

“Um.” I wasn’t sure how to answer that question. “I sort of thought you… hated me?”

“Hated you?” Luke gave me a confused look. “I don’t hate you, Ellie. In fact…” He

moved a bit closer. “I really like you.”

This was the first time a boy had ever told me that he liked me and I couldn’t believe it

was Luke Thayer. I considered pinching myself, convinced this had to be another of my crazy

dreams. “You do?”

Luke didn’t answer my question, but instead took this opportunity to press his lips against

mine. After a split second, his tongue slipped in between my lips and my mouth tingled as it

massaged my own. His breath tasted like rum and cigarettes, which to this day is a combination

that never fails to turn me on.

I allowed Luke to kiss me for probably thirty seconds too long before I pushed him away.

He grinned at me. “Was that your first kiss?”

“What?” I cried. It totally was. “Did I do something wrong?”

“No,” he said. “It was great. You just… I got that feeling.”

I wasn’t about to admit he was right. “Look, Luke, I can’t do this.”

His face fell. “Why not?”

“I’m not your type.”

“My type?” Luke shook his head. “What’s my type?”

“You know…” Lindsay was his type. Or any of the other identical blond beauties I’d

seen him with around campus. I was about as far from that as you could get and still be of the

same species.

“No, I don’t know.”

I sighed. “Also, we have nothing in common.”

“So?”

“So…” I was at a loss. All I knew was that being with Luke would compromise

everything I believed in. I hated him. Well, I didn’t hate him. But I hated everything about him.

He was the absolute worst kind of person. I had already given him my first kiss—I couldn’t give

him my first anything else. It would be like compromising my soul. “I just can’t, Luke.”

He looked like he was going to argue with me more, but then his shoulders sagged and he

seemed resigned to the fact that this wasn’t going to happen. “It’s too bad,” he said. “We would

have made a great team. Twelve Fingers and Thayer House.”

As Luke walked away, I felt a moment of regret. Luke was sexy as all hell and the rum

was starting to hit me. But no, I couldn’t fall for Luke Thayer. He was an arrogant asshole and I

knew he was just going to get worse as he discovered that everything in life could be his with

just a snap of the fingers. Luke was never going to know a moment of hardship. He was always

going to be a spoiled brat.

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