PROLOGUE

Jaxxon, age fourteen

“B-but…but…but -”

“Oh stop snivelling, Jaxxon,” snapped Leah as she zipped up her tatty old

duffel bag. “You should be happy for me; I’m finally getting out of here.

I’m going to have my own place.”

Jaxxon Carter, who was curled up on her bed, watched as her older sister

stretched her long, lean body, looking much like a contented cat. “But -”

“Oi, what did I just say? Stop with the snivelling!”

Jaxxon took a deep breath and wiped her tear-stained cheeks with her

sleeve. But she could feel more tears brewing. “Will you come see me

sometimes?”

Leah snorted. “How can you even ask that? You know I’ll be busy going

for auditions and stuff.” A self-satisfied smile surfaced on her face. “Hey,

just think, you might see me on T.V soon, singing and doing concerts.”

As usual, Leah’s squinty hazel eyes – so very different from Jaxxon’s

own huge, brown ones – shone with confidence. That was one thing that

Leah had in abundance, though sometimes Jaxxon thought it bordered on

vanity.

“Won’t that make all the Foster Plonkers sorry for passing us off from

house to house.”

“But you’ll stay in touch, yeah?” Jaxxon could hear the uncertainty in her

own voice and didn’t like this feeling she suddenly had that she was losing

her sister for good. Maybe it wouldn’t have been so bad if Leah would just

tell her the address of her flat, but she was refusing to tell her and had even

asked their Social Worker and the Glennons not to reveal it. Leah could be

strange like that sometimes. If she thought you desperately wanted

something from her, she would refuse to give it to you purely for that

reason.

Leah shrugged. “What are you panicking for? In two years you’ll be out

of here yourself.”

That was true enough. But two years would feel like a long time to

someone who was all alone. Once Leah, all she had left in the world, was

gone that was exactly what Jaxxon would be. Alone.

For the past six years Jaxxon had watched the only people she came to

care about disappear from her life. First went Mum. Suicide by heroin

overdose. Jaxxon – the one who had found her mother’s lifeless body on the

sofa – had been eight, Leah ten. There was no dad or other family to care

whether they lived or died, so into the social system they went.

It wasn’t until eighteen months ago, after pit-stopping in a series of foster

homes all over London, that they had come to live with the Glennon family.

They weren’t all that bad. Compared to some of the other foster parents,

these people were eligible for sainthood. Although they were – in a word –

slobs and not all that interested in what their foster children did, they didn’t

hit, they didn’t grope, and they didn’t decide to suddenly starve you for a

short while for their own entertainment like the last lot had. Where the

Glennons were concerned, as long as you didn’t raid Gloria Glennon’s stash

of chocolate or help yourself to one of Eric Glennon’s beloved beers, they’d

practise the principal of ‘live and let live’.

Still, Jaxxon knew that Leah would have, as she always did wherever

they were, played up and set out to annoy them if it hadn’t been for the

other foster kids. The gorgeous Connor McKenzie and the geeky Roland

Thompson had made the situation bearable. Both Jaxxon and Leah had had

a little thing for Connor. In fact, Jaxxon had become infatuated with him

and his cocky grin as only a teenage girl could. Not just because of how

gorgeous he was, but because Jaxxon soon found that underneath his temper

and broodiness was intelligence and even kindness. He had always looked

out for Jaxxon, always protected her, always chased off any boy within a

one mile radius of her. Everyone had feared him – probably because he

somehow had the look of a predator – but Jaxxon had never felt threatened

by him. In fact, strangely enough, this menacing person had been the only

one to ever make her feel safe, even when he was zooming her around town

at top speed in a car he had ‘borrowed’ for the night – which he had done

regularly but had never been prosecuted as he had never been caught.

Then six months ago, shortly after Connor had turned sixteen, he had

moved into a flat of his own just like Leah was doing now. Jaxxon vividly

remembered when he had kissed her the night before he left – something

which had shocked the hell out of her. He had promised that he would visit

sometimes and even take her to see his flat when it was fixed up, but so far

he hadn’t been in touch. Then three months after he had left, Roland’s

mother had finally sorted her situation out and taken her son back to live

with her. And now Jaxxon’s very own sister was leaving too. Sure, she’d

have the newest foster addition, Rhona, but the girl was far from friendly

and kept everyone at a distance.

“If you do get famous and stuff how will I get in touch with you when I

get out?”

Leah shrugged carelessly. “Maybe I’ll phone here on your sixteenth

birthday. Maybe I’ll even come get you in a limo. Can you imagine the look

on everyone’s faces if I turned up here in a limo!” Another squeal.

Her sixteenth birthday. It seemed so far away right now. Without thinking

about it, Jaxxon reached under her mattress and pulled out the photograph

that Gloria had let her have. Jaxxon was stood smiling in front of the wonky

Christmas tree with Roland on her right side looking absolutely bored and

with Connor on her left side wearing that cocky grin she loved so much

with his arm flung over her shoulder. Leah was in the background combing

her long blonde hair, glaring hard at them. She almost looked angry. This

was all Jaxxon had left of them all.

“Oh when are you going to stop pining for him?” groaned Leah. “He isn’t

coming back. Why would he? What’s he got to come back for?”

A pang struck Jaxxon in her chest at the impact of Leah’s words and that

condescending glare she had that could decrease a person’s own self-worth

by 90% just like that.

“Don’t worry,” continued Leah, “I’ll tell him you said ‘hi’.”

It took a few seconds for those last words to register. “What do you

mean?”

She gave Jaxxon a sympathetic smile but didn’t even try to conceal the

insincerity of it.  “Oh come on, Jaxxon, you didn’t honestly think that he

had any real interest in you, did you? Oh my God, you did. How cute. Or

stupid, whichever.”

Jaxxon felt as though she’d been slapped.

“He told me he only thought of you as a little sister, that it was me he

loved. We did it lots of times, you know. He made me promise to come find

him when I got out.” She sighed wistfully. “Soon me and him will be living

in L.A., our faces all over the magazines, I’ll be recording album after

album…Maybe we’ll even get married. Leah McKenzie…I like the sound

of it. It’s a lot better than Leah Carter anyway.”

In that one instant, Jaxxon almost hated her. Her and him. The tears

gathering in her eyes were ones of anger and despair now, no longer of the

fear of being alone. Why would he have kissed her that night before leaving

and then told her he had always cared about her if it was Leah he loved?

Leah who he had been sleeping with all this time? “He kissed me,” she

blurted out.

“Well of course he did. He felt sorry for you – you were getting all tearyeyed. I was the one who told him to kiss you. He hadn’t wanted to, but I

thought it might stop you from snivelling. Something you’re doing again

now.”

Jaxxon squeezed her eyes shut against the pictures her mind was

tormenting her with of Leah and Connor together – kissing, touching,

sleeping together. And then them laughing at poor little infatuated Jaxxon.

“Well that’s me all packed.” She squealed again with excitement. After

casting one last look and at the plain, musty smelling, mostly bare room,

Leah threw her bag over her shoulder. “Gotta go.”

Jaxxon tried to get up from the bed. Maybe to hug her sister. Maybe to

slap her. Or maybe to follow her downstairs and wave at the front door. But

it was as though her body was depleted. As though her body was downright

sick of her mind ignoring Leah’s hurtful behaviour so had decided to

intervene before she ran after Leah like a little lost puppy. She did feel lost,

though. Jaxxon was a person who always looked on the bright side but right

now there didn’t seem to be one, and Jaxxon didn’t know how to function

without it.

So she sat there immobile as Leah’s singing gradually faded until she

could hear her no more. In that moment Jaxxon felt something change

within herself; it was the same sensation she’d gotten when her mother

died, and then again when Connor left. Like a piece of herself went with

them, leaving gaping holes that Jaxxon suspected might be permanent.

But wasn’t that her own fault for getting too close to people? Wasn’t it

her own fault that she was in such pain right now? It was stupid to have

ever thought that Connor would want her and not Leah. Her sister was

undeniably beautiful with her straight, sleek caramel-blonde hair and

piercing hazel eyes and tall, thin, lithe body. She would have the angelic

look down to a tee if it wasn’t for the fact that her smile always had a glint

of deviousness to it.

The two sisters were practically polar opposites in appearance. Jaxxon

sported a head of brown, untameable ringlets and a curvy body that she

despised because of the attention it gained her. She was, to her utter

annoyance, an early bloomer. Her generous-sized breasts and heart-shaped

butt were constantly groped, even by total strangers. It hadn’t been so bad

when Connor was around; boys had tended to leave her alone for fear of

what he would do. Things had changed drastically since he left. And now

that she was without her older sister things could only worsen.

Footsteps outside her bedroom door stole her attention from her thoughts.

Then the door swung lazily open as her relatively new foster sister, Rhona,

strode into the room, chewing gum, and plonked herself on the bed beside

Jaxxon. The smell of smoke clung to her dark skin and clothes. Jaxxon

wasn’t expecting any comfort from this anti-social girl who seemed to hate

everyone. She didn’t get it.

“So, Big Tits, how long do you think it’ll be before Queen ***** realises

she lives in a fantasy land? Singer, my arse.”

Jaxxon said nothing. Just continued to stare at the photograph in her

hand, wondering whether to kiss it or tear it up.

“You know she won’t come back, don’t you? She won’t. They never do,”

grumbled Rhona. She wasn’t feeling sorry for herself; just simply stating

what she believed was a fact.

“She’s my sister.”

“She’s also a self-absorbed, spiteful, selfish ***** who -”

“But -”

“But nothing, Jaxxon,” she said firmly. “Just because she’s blood doesn’t

mean anything. I’ll bet that girl has never done a single thing for you in her

life. She looks out for number one, and number one only. Just like the rest

of them. So wise up, Big Tits. And do it now. You’re on your own.” Just

before leaving the room, she turned back to Jaxxon. “Wanna know what the

trick is to getting through this shit? Never let anyone in.”

Alone again, Jaxxon stared down at the photograph as she deeply

considered Rhona’s departing words that had been both advising and

chastising. One thing that had kept Jaxxon from losing herself so far and

avoiding the bitterness that consumed Leah was to roll with the punches.

Just accept that suffering was part of life. The whole ‘woe is me’ thing

wasn’t for her. After all, what was so special about her that meant she could

flit through life without pain while others were swamped by it? So, she

reasoned, her being alone while Leah and Connor began a life together was

all just something else that she’d have to accept too, even though it cut

deeper than anything else ever had.

Finally, with a deep cleansing breath, Jaxxon tore the photograph to

pieces and slung them out of the partially open bedroom window. She

wouldn’t let this be an ending. She would try to instead make it a new start.

She’d do as Rhona said – wise up and face that she was alone, but she

wouldn’t cut herself off like Rhona had.

Little did Jaxxon know, but as from the following day her new start

would be tainted. Tainted by violence, struggle, and even more pain. With

all that would come her decision to never let anyone in again.

***Download NovelToon to enjoy a better reading experience!***