plan to make a difference

when I woke up I saw the usual couch,books,roof,door all of it was the same as usual.Couldn't get the feeling of depression off my heart.

Another day of loneliness and insecurenes. I quickly got up from bed and got ready for school. When my transport arrived I quickly set on a free seat and slept as usual.This time one of the people in the transport were talking about me so I open my eyes to look at them. Again they started calling me names like black,ugly,other names like black as coaland etc.It didn't actually hurt me but I didn't cry in front of them,everyday when someone teases me at school,I go to the toilet and cry as usual.

When I arrive home I act as if nothing happened because when I was young mom told me that I shouldn't act weak in front of people otherwise they will take advantage of me. I went outside to vent my anger on trees because I couldn't cry in my room because I share a room with my sister.Sometimes I think about committing suicide but I can't because I have to think about my mom's money and how much she'll cry when I'm dead. I shouldn't be selfish because if I commit suicide that's the same as giving up my life experiences to become a better person.Like over 10 million sisters and brothers I was the only one to get fertilized and I'm just gonna give up that chance and commit suicide just like that,I fought so hard! I quickly pick myself up and I head back in the house I ate my dinner and went to sleep early.

13 years later I started to become a little bit prettier and beautiful like my second sister but we didn't look the same I looked like my deceased father so I was a different kind of pretty.I had dreams like to marry a Chinese I didn't want to marry a white person because that's literally what girls in my neighborhood want to marry. I want to be different because I don't want to be the same as the other girls in my neighborhood because they are not like me and they like boys and other things like accessories.No! I don't like that,I like to be different I like to be a strong girl.A girl that is not just pushed by anyone but I'm kinda pushed around a lot,I don't know what to say about that.

I believe that someday I can make a difference. even though I don't really like my race that much.I still believe that they can change the way they do things,the way they are the way they talk about others,I hope that one day they see that what they do is wrong and start to reach for the stars and seek true happiness.

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