me

He is an addiction.. A person who has bound me with his soul, his happiness gives me life and sadness feels like death... But he is cruel.. Or my fate is, it all feels like a nightmare and i hate to accept the reality.. I feel like a beggar waiting for him to love me some day knowing that is something really impossible.. But i like to dream.. I like to hope for him or it doesn't feel like I'm alive.. Maybe death would be a lot easier than this and I refuse to let go or to let him go.. I'm trapped.. But somehow i don't hate it .. To have purpose,to love him solely because I want to. For my own selfish reasons... Yet i can't help but get greedy although i really have no rights to.. But i just wish i was a little more important to him.. I wish i felt important and needed,not unwanted or just an option.. I want to be a priority but that's too much to ask for.. he ruins me yet I don't want him to stop though I hate it but somehow i love it, it's messed up but I don't want this to stop,i want to give him my everything even if it means losing myself, maybe i did lose myself but that doesn't matter as long as it's what he wants from me.. I just want him,i just need him.. I don't care if I lose everything else, but he is the only one i need it hurts but it feels like it's worth it. If wanting him makes me lose all i have then so be it.. I don't know whether it's love or obsession or both but all i know is this is what I want and it is what I need, but sometimes I wish I could change this, sometimes I wish it didn't hurt, but if sacrificing my happiness makes him stay, then so be it.... It might be pathetic.. Desperate.. Shameless.. Stupid.. But he is my heart and soul, maybe this would be unknown and incomplete.. But it doesn't matter.. I wish this is the last love story I face.. I wish he is my last one.. Though he was my first too.. Is it really selfish to want it? Is it really stupid not to try and let go? maybe.. But it feels worth it though can't help but wish I wasn't like this.. Can't help but hope things get better even if it's a little.. I love him... but feels like I'm more dependent on him.. Yet don't want to stop.. I'm miserable.. Feels like my heart is ripping apart,yet it feels stupid to say it out. words aren't enough.. It's suffocating... wish i could end it.. Really.. i can only wish and hope..

***Download NovelToon to enjoy a better reading experience!***