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Jungkook – Jeon Jungkook – someone I met in junior highschool. but not just some "someone", he was a very close person to me and we became best friends later on. we used to walk home from school together while admiring the gorgeous sunset at the edge of the horizon, go shopping whenever we felt like it and buy whatever that we felt like buying, talk to each other about our struggles and worries as well as share each other's burdens, be there for eachother to lean on, and so on. we were basically each other's support system because no one else had ever been there for us.

as this cycle repeated, my heart began to beat differently when he was around. usually we'd be kidding around and I'd be imitating his adorable laughter, but later, everytime his giggles reached my ear, I blushed like crazy and couldn't stop my heart from beating too fast. it was my first time having these types of unknown feelings called love, I was clueless and naive. I have to admit, it took me a while to realize that, I fell for my best friend.

unfortunately, I didn't see him after graduation, we slowly drifted apart before I could even tell him how I felt. I didn't know what happened to him, he just left me without a goodbye. what did our friendship mean to him? – I don't know. there was nothing I could do, I wanted to give up and move on with my life, but no matter how hard I tried to convince myself to do so, my heart would always disagree and prove me wrong. of course, I tried get in contact with him, sent him what felt like billions of texts, saying how much I miss him. but no, nothing was working, it was like he just disappeared. once, I took a visit to his house to see how he had been doing, only to find out he moved out to somewhere else. I felt devastated, I remember burying my head under my pillow and crying myself to sleep for almost three weeks straight.

and who could've guessed that this eventful day would lead me to another unexpected encounter, especially seeing such a familiar face which I've been wanting to see in a long time. but, I certainly didn't expect to see him like this, especially labelled missing.

I felt doubtful though, did Jungkook really went missing this whole time? I had my eyes widened, my brows furrowed, and my lips pursed as loads of questions lined up in a cue inside my head.

I walked across the freshly tarred road with my head hung low as I could feel the heat of the street lamps emitting on my back. everything was a blur because all I focused on was getting my legs to move faster to reach my house. my legs felt quite wobbly and tired since I couldn't get much rest last night, and as well as due to all the things I had to go through in just one day, caused aches in several areas.

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it was already dusk

sighh... I collapsed top of my bed and sighed deeply. I stared at the ceiling until my eyelids felt heavy and drifted off to sleep from exhaustion as I planned on waking up to another stressful morning with nothing but college homeworks and assignments, not to mention even more worthless hours of studying.

when suddenly, I heard a loud noise coming from the living room which sounded like a vase break, making me jump, what the hell was that?! I wondered, as I opened my eyes, trying to adjust my vision.

I made my way to the living room while rubbing my eyes due to how tired I was, when all of a sudden, I gasped loudly to find a dark, shadow-like figure standing near a piece of furniture. "ah–" I screamed lightly, about to cover my mouth. "oh, sorry. didn't mean to scare you, babe." I heard the same husky voice which I heard in the morning, like a sharp whisper in my ears. if this is some sort of horror movie, I'm not gonna fucking like it. I thought to myself, as I lied in wait for their next move while also being a bit panicked, are they a kidnapper? another burglar?

"it's me," they ran their finger through their hair.

"hm?"

"you didn't forget the guy who raped you this morning did you?"

"w-what...?"

at the spur of the moment, something caught my eye as I saw a ray of sunlight which escaped from the open window – shining across his face. wait, am I seeing things, or... I was finally able to take a closer look at their face, and what I saw, almost made my jaw drop from insane shock. J-Jun.. Jungkook?! I blinked a few times to make sure that my eyes weren't playing tricks on me again.

at last, I came to the realisation that, the man who broke into my house, took a shower in my bathroom without my permission, touched me against my will and practically raped me, was also... the same person whom I considered my very first best friend, or in other words, my first love.

"y-you!" I screamed pointing at him, almost about to jump out of my skin. "huh, I knew you wouldn't forget me so easily. but, a bit disappointed it took you so long." he responded calmly.

he slowly walked towards me, his face adorning a charming smirk. I knew right away that the boy didn't have anything good planned in his mind the moment he slammed his arm against the wall, making me tumble backwards.

I trembled in fear of having to go through the same trauma he had caused me once again but, to my surprise, he giggled like a baby and hugged me. I thought of it as an act of his because I still couldn’t forgive him for what he had done. an apology isn't enough to fix a broken vase.

"disappointed?! bitch, I should be fucking disappointed in you! best friends don't rape each other – best friends don't touch each other inappropriately – and lastly, best friends don't break into each other's house. Jeon Jungkook, you should wipe that smirk off your face if you want anything from me and bend your waist in front of me." I had totally lost it. I couldn't take the torture and slapped his face hard, forming a red mark at where I had hit him.

I felt hot tears flood my eyes as I was unable to accept that he was the same Jungkook whom I spent my darkest days with, the one who used to tell me everything was okay when I felt like my world was crumbling down to pieces, and also the one whom I used to swoon over and daydream about so much.

my heart started to ache and my tears started to fall down from my cheeks to my chin, one by one and could only think of running to my room and locking the door. it was a good decision because I always kept the keys on me, so he wouldn't be able to come in even if he wanted to, unless he decided to use his buff stature and break the door of my room, which he did. eventually.

my back was turned towards the door so I only heard the noise. even though I was trembling, I couldn't be bothered enough to turn around to see who's face it was since I already knew it was his. I couldn't bear to see how ugly he was, metaphorically speaking. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't swayed by his gorgeousness. but that was only in the beginning. now that I knew about his true colours, I felt disgusted by myself for liking someone like him.

I could feel his sorrowful gaze on my back, his pupils shaking and his lips puckered up and trembling because he was about to wail, being the crybaby he was. I couldn't believe the same innocent Jungkook from my childhood days grew up and committed a crime, for which I didn't even have the heart to report him, because deep inside, I still liked him. my feelings were – are – and already will be there for him. they just couldn't die out. I felt ashamed to say that I actually felt so much pleasure when he raped me.

when he began crying, it was so silent that I almost took no notice of it. his sobs were choked, as if he was doing his best to not let me know he was upset. how I'd have loved to say that it wasn't working, but sadly, the truth is just too bitter to handle.

but I couldn't take it, my heart was throbbing so much hearing his cries, I just couldn't handle the pain. I clutched my chest, my aching heart and got up. I pretended to be alright and faced him. my height was the same as his, so it wasn't a problem for me to ruffle his hair without having to lift my body upwards.

I wiped away his tears and kissed the middle of his forehead, taking both of his cheeks in my hands. the feeling of literal disgust and shame which I felt just a few seconds ago was almost gone by now. my heart was too soft for him to bear a grudge against, and I knew that fairly well.

I returned to my bed and sat down, patting on the space next to me, motioning for him to sit beside me. the silence was awkward, but I didn't want to break as he really owed me a whole damn lot. It was then that an idea sparked into my mind.

while he was turning to face me, parting his lips to utter words and make a sentence, I smashed my face against his, our lips grazing against each other's. he of course couldn't say no to the offer and allowed my tongue to enter and steal a taste of the sweetness that lingered inside his mouth.

after I broke away, I pushed him into the bed, ripping his clothes off but keeping mine on. he didn't deserve to see what I look like when I'm ***** again after he already looked at me in that condition by force.

luckily I hadn't cut my nails off that day, so when I traced my fingers across his toned body, my nails traced their way as well, opening slits of blood on their way. I grinned at my piece of art – a wounded Jeon Jungkook, getting what he deserved. but I wasn't done there. a few slits weren't enough. I wish I were a guy so I could have pounded into him nice and rough at the time, but not being the opposite gender had it's perks too.

he got a boner and I immediately seized my opportunity. I rubbed my hands on his hardened **** with force, causing him to groan. he yelled at me stop, but of course I didn't listen. I glanced at his face to see his reaction. I smirked, proud to see his face scrunched up at the pain he felt.

once he released his semen, I sucked everything he had in him until it was all gone and empty, swallowing up the hot liquid and feeling it go down my throat. I saw him pass out of exhaustion and chuckled, delighted at my success.

I'm not evil, so I let him sleep in my bed, but that doesn't mean I didn't sleep right next to him too. as happy as I had been a moment ago for making him pass out, I couldn't control myself and stared at his handsome face, my fingers trailing down his sharp features. I knew I was tingling his senses as I saw his mouth shift a little and his d*ck rose up from underneath his pants.

how could he still be seeing a wet dream right after he already had s*x? I thought to myself. he's so dumb, he's stupid enough to smile and laugh at the same person that he's caused harm to and pretend like nothing had happened, and for some random *** reason, that made me love him even more. I felt mad at myself for that, so much I felt the urge to cry again.

suddenly, I lifted his body up and carried him to the living room, dumping his heavy body on the carpet. like I said, I felt mad at myself for still loving him so much after what he did to me, I wanted to do everything there was to prevent myself from seeing his face, and to stop myself from feeling this way.

"good night, jerk," I whispered before wiping off the tears on my face as I could recollect the memories we had together back in highschool.

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"uh.."

"y/n babe~"

"no, go back."

"why?"

"just go, I don't wanna hear it."

"yes, you do."

"no, I don't!" I yelled at the male standing in front of me. he had woken up and began to irritate me since the moment his eye lids had lifted. I wanted to slap him again but something held me back from doing so. he really did make my blood boil, but everytime I noticed his little eye smile, I wanted to laugh and giggle along with him.

I don't understand, why would I love someone I hate down to the core?

as absurd as it is to fall in love with your abuser, that's what happened. I guess people can change, but I thought it would have at least taken a bit more time for me to forgive him, I hadn't expected what was to come later on.

he of course was facing me, but because I was lost in thought, he snuck around me and grabbed me by my waist from behind and stuck his face in the crook of my neck, making me get goosebumps all over my body and a shade of red creeped into my cheeks. I gasped because of how surprised I was.

he nuzzled his face against my nape and kissed me there softly. I was so soft for him right then that I had wanted to turn around and ruffle his fluffy hair, but no, I decided to deny my feelings once again. I had wanted to keep staying mad at him, which I knew I couldn't.

what amazed me even more was that he was doing his best to not do anything filthy with me. he kept it plain by giving pecks all over the area above my collarbones.

he eventually reached my lips, but he stopped himself midway and looked up to gaze into my eyes, asking for my permission. I broke into a smile and hugged him, ruffling his hair just like I had wanted to.

"what? feeling guilty?" I asked, feeling like I'm almost mesmerized by his cuteness. "...", he didn't reply, instead, gave me a few minutes of silence in return. "but I can't forgive you just like that, you literally raped me–" I said, now breaking away from the hug.

"and you made me pay back." he retaliated, his lips forming a pout.

"ugh, fine, I suppose.." I said out loud before muttering softly to myself, "I also kinda enjoyed that because I had longed for touch from you. I guess I'm crazy, huh." I chuckled to myself.

"..so, does that mean you aren't mad anymore?" he tilted his head, obviously hoping a yes.

"of course not, how can I stay mad at you, Kookie?" I saw him blush at me calling him by his nickname in a long time. I chuckled once again, then leaned in for a kiss but paused to say one more thing with a grin on my face, "so, friends?"

he pulled away immediately, annoyed. "the ****? am I only a friend?" he crossed his arms in annoyance and disappointment. I enjoyed seeing him like that, so much I burst into laughter out of satisfaction. "I'm kidding, dummy!"

"damnit, y/n, haven't you already got your revenge–" once he realised I was trying to prank him, he pushed me down on the bed and playfully kissed me on my neck while trying to tickle me. "ah, stop it," I laughed. I could see his cute little bunny smile as his lips curved upwards, making me blush at his adorableness.

we cuddled, occasionally kissing each other while he reminisced our past, I dreamed about our future that was yet to come, now prepared because I finally had someone to share my journey with so I wouldn't be crying alone anymore.

he held me in his arms as I tried to dig my head in his neck to feel his warmth. I couldn't resist his beauty and blushed for what felt like the hundredth time today.

I grabbed his cheeks gently to give a slight peck on the lips as I just felt the need to do so every time I look at him. he of course kissed me back before breaking the kiss to tell me the only three words that can make my heart flutter,

"I love you."

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credits to ttyong, my best friend for helping me out with the smut and also the rest of the chapter 🖤 please do check out her works too! lovelots.~

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