The beginning of the end (1)

Ugh.... I'm back in school again. After sometime outside school grounds during summer, I've grown used to the oversleeping habbit of mine that bring woken up so early in the morning feels a little like torture.

It's not as if being at home was any better but I guess school is some sort of haven to me. It's protective walls, friendly classmates, dormmates, groupmates and teachers are the best part of school. It's like the best comfort zone I could ever wish for in this lifetime. That's why..... I sometimes wish that I don't have to graduate from school even after I reach adulthood.

But,... that's not really an option. The only way that I can live in this lifetime without graduating from school was that I was dead before I graduated or I had to repeat a year. Although the first option sounds quite extreme however it was technically the only option because there was no way that I could live pass 24 hours if my parents found out that I had to repeat a year.

" OMG! I'm late..... again! "

Even after 2 consecutive days of being late to school, it seems that my body never learned it's lesson and caused me the grievance of being late again. On top of that, there was a school rule stating that if a student arrived at school 3 times for 3 consecutive days, they will be summoned to the headmaster's office. So, I ran across the road without a care for my surroundings.

Suddenly, I heard a car speeding right at me. It seemed that the teacher inside the car is struggling to stop the car to the point that he even forgot about the handbrake.

In that moment, I thought to myself, " Ah, I never would've thought that one day I would die in my own haven. " It wasn't a bad idea at actually. it's just that the moment was a bit too abrupt that I guess my dreams for the future wasn't going to be fulfilled in this life time.

I just daydreamed away to ignore the extreme pain of my injury. Within a first glance, I already knew that I had no hope of surviving.

Many of my ribs were broken and blood has probably entered my lungs. Besides that, I also hit my head so I'm very sure I'll die due to cerebral edema rather than blood loss.

Even with the pain torturing my whole being, I was truly happy at that moment. It was because... for the first time in my life, the pain outside of my body was worst than the pain inside my heart.

Usually, fear and anxiety are the worst things that can happen to me in a day. Yet, today's the day that my nightmares come to an end.

No more fear, anxiety, emptiness, uncertainty, darkness and disappointments awaits me.

Now, the least I can do is embrace the pain I feel and be thankful to the person who granted my lifelong wish. Who cares about my bucket list ? Freedom is peace. After all, it's the last time I'll feel pain, ....right ?

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