Everything was going on normally.
Too normally, perhaps.
Late-night conversations became a routine again,soft voices, familiar laughter, words exchanged when the rest of the world slept. And just like always, after talking to him, I would block him. A habit I pretended was control, but was actually fear. This cycle continued for days. Talking, Blocking,Missing calls,Calling back. Nothing dramatic. Nothing suspicious. Just us, lingering in a space that felt oddly safe.
Until that day arrived,
May 23, 2025.
That night began like any other. Our conversation started casually, effortlessly, as if nothing had ever gone wrong between us. Somewhere in the middle of it, my thoughts drifted back to dreams I once carried.
For months, I had imagined my first kiss like a scene from a drama. I was already twenty, and all around me, friends spoke openly about their experiences,about kisses, closeness, stories shared without shame. I used to listen quietly, storing those moments in my head, picturing my own first kiss as something perfect, cinematic, unforgettable.
I had even told my sister once, while leaving for college, half-laughing but half-serious, that maybe my life would turn out like the dramas I watched. Friend with benefits, One-night stands,Contract relationships,I thought that was what awaited me. But the moment I stepped into reality, I understood something clearly some things are easier to talk about than to live.
Reality showed its harsh face quickly.
A boy from my class once told me he liked me. But his words weren’t gentle. They weren’t respectful. He asked do you want to come to my room, if I would sleep with him. I remember the anger burning inside me that day, my hands shaking but I did nothing,I couldn’t. Because he was Mr.Fish’s friend.
I told Mr. Fish everything.
After that, I stopped answering that boy’s calls completely. One day, after class, while I was talking to Mr. Fish, that boy came up and mocked, asking why is your friend not talking to me anymore. Mr. Fish’s response that day still makes me smile when I think of it. Mr.Fish replied why are you calling her late at night if you want to talk say it now. I felt extremely happy when he said that.In that moment, I made a quiet decision.
This wasn’t a drama.
I couldn’t be like everyone else.
Some things would happen only when they were meant to.
And then,back to that night.
Our conversation drifted, as it always did, until somehow the topic of first kisses came up. Casually, Lightly,Without warning,I said, almost laughing, that I was already twenty-one and still hadn’t had my first kiss.
That’s when it happened.
He didn’t say it impulsively.
He hesitated first,unsure of how to tell me. Again and again, he asked, gently testing the moment, making sure I wouldn’t misunderstand him or think of him the wrong way. Only after that hesitation, only after that care, did he finally say it.
“Instead of doing it with some random person…why not have your first kiss with me? I’ll be your first kiss.”
His voice carried the words straight into my chest.
I froze.
Not a single word came from my mouth. My mind went blank. My heart pounded so loudly I thought he could hear it through the phone. I didn’t know how to react. I didn’t know what to say. I questioned myself,Was this real? Or was I dreaming?
I actually pinched myself.
Never, not even in my wildest imagination, had I thought a day like this would come. A day where I would hear those words spoken by him. From his mouth and in his voice.
That moment didn’t feel romantic.
It felt unreal,
Overwhelming,
Terrifying.
And without realizing it, something inside me shifted forever.
Because once certain words are spoken,
they don’t fade,
They stay,
They echo.
And I didn’t yet know how deeply those words were about to change everything.
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