Chapter 1: Pologrue

I'm not a normal person with a normal life, I'm different compare to others, my life begins when my mother left us, my father died 2 years ago when that happen...it was so hard being alone, I was only 16 years old in that time, I had to work hard to study... I'm only 16 years old, so I can just work in waiter in a restaurant... it so hard, living alone... in that time, I want to find my mom, and live with her together, and I want to ask some questions too... but, I can't find her, I try... I want to study, because that was my mother and father said, and I think they will be happy if they see me graduate, and I think I will be happy too... but, for what I thought gonna happen... turn into a nightmare... my life has been falling apart now, and I don't think I'm gonna handle the pain anymore, I thought I was brave, I thought I'm happy, I thought I can do it, but... actually, I can't... cause I'm weak, cause I'm alone, all alone... can I be happy again? I think, not... in this life, life that no one would ever wish for, life like a hell... I can't handle it anymore... I want to rest, but I can't do it right now... because I'm still loving myself a bit, yes I'm alone, I'm nothing, I'm weak... but I know that I'm not hopeless... I can stand on my feet, even not today... I can do this, I will fight... but, even I fight, in this challenge I failed, failed to fight... why is all people I love the most leave me? leave me alone, leave me like nothing happen between us... am I just nothing to them? I tried my best to be nice person, I tried to make them happy, even when I'm hurting, I have to make them happy, even if I can't do it in myself, because I don't want them to experience what I experience in life, I don't want them to end up like me... in this pretend life, nothing bad can happen... but, that was just only my thought... I was too useless, I can't even handle myself... when he came, my life change, but when he came, my life turn into hell, they say every life had challenges... but why is my life turn into this, if its just a challenge? what's the purpose of living if your life is just like mine? life is so unfair... so so unfair... can I really do this? or am I just fooling myself? I had so many questions... but even one of them, no one can answer... but, why? why do I need to end up like this? did I do wrong that God hates me? why? why?... I'm so tired, so so tired... I want to rest... I really want to rest... I feel going down... can I really be happy?...

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