He Was Never Mine, Yet Always There.

Truth never really leaves you, does it? And neither does that one person who’s willing to go to any extent just to have you. These days, that kind of love barely exists but it happened in my life. And it still lives on.

I was 17 then, now I’m 18. It’s been a year. We met online, through a mutual friend. That friend and I were in the same college, though I was her senior. One day, around 7:40 in the morning, I arrived at college. Like always, I kept to myself, silent, minding my own business.

But that day was different.

I left my bag in class and walked out to the playground. I noticed three girls laughing and talking amongst themselves. I stood quietly to the side. One of them approached me and brought me along with her. We talked and laughed together. It felt like I had gotten a piece of my stolen childhood back.

Then the period bell rang, and break time came. I went outside and saw those same girls again. I grabbed some snacks and lollipops. (I know, it’s a bad habit) and i went to sit quietly at the side again. They kept watching me and then called me over. We had lunch together and shared our food. One of them began talking about her boyfriend. I gave a small smile. I wasn’t in any relationship and never had a crush. I was always alone, never had many friends because of my temper. But I had self-respect, never ego.

Over time, days changed. Three months passed. Among those girls, one of them became very close to me.My first true friend. We really valued each other. Then one day, she asked me to add her to a group call. I didn’t really want to, since I wasn’t into phones much, but I agreed.

That’s when I talked to a boy for the first time.

After three weeks, he said he didn’t want to be just friends he wanted me to be his girlfriend. I refused. He stopped talking to me. Honestly, it didn’t affect me much. He was the first boy I had ever spoken to like that, but I let it go.

But this was just the beginning. The real story was still to come.

When I was 14, I was in a relationship one that turned abusive. I endured it for three years before I finally left. After that, I lost all trust in boys. But this new thing felt... different.

My friend told me that their group was doing “couple-up” pairings. I didn’t like that at all, and my friends knew it. They tried to pair me up with someone. I called all of them out and made it clear I wasn’t interested. I called them my brothers. And so, six months passed like this.

Then the final farewell came.

That day, I changed clothes at college my friends and I had matching outfits and even did my makeup there (I’m really clueless about makeup, lol). We had so much fun. Took loads of pictures. Mine were private, no one had them. But my friends had shared theirs in that couple-up group.

Then it happened.

One of the boys from the group chose me. Two days later, my friend called and told me he liked me. I had never even talked to him before! I told her he was like a brother. But deep down, after rejecting him, a little feeling had begun to stir in me.

Then I saw a message from him on my PC:

"I will win you over, no matter what."

I replied:

"It’s good to dream."

He said:

"If you are the dream, if your presence is the reward then making that dream come true is necessary."

That line hit me hard. I fell for it.

We started talking. We joked, laughed. He would share his secrets with me like a child, and I would laugh till I cried. He was so cute in those moments.

Three weeks later, during Ramadan, I was tired and fell asleep on the 8th fast. The next morning, I saw a message from my friend:

"You stole him."

She humiliated me. I didn’t like it at all. So I left her too. I gave up the boy and my friend. Because self-respect is more precious than love. You can find love again. Respect? Not so easily.

I still remember the last words I said to him:

"I never loved you, and I never will."

Because he wasn’t mine.He belonged to someone else. But he never stopped texting me. Even now, he still does. I never reply. He knows it was because of my friend that I left him. And ever since, I’ve never let anyone come close again. I’ve stayed off social media for six months.

But now… I miss him.

I miss his voice, his words. A strange smile comes to my lips when I think about how there once was someone who used to share everything with me.

I hope I’ll have the courage to accept him someday.

To give him the love he deserves.

Because I only gave him heartbreak.

But maybe it’s time to give him a chance.

I am idiot o hope we meet again.. now i am only waiting for him.. thanks to him he show me how to enjoy life no matter what's the situation Pray i would get him back!!

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