falling.

imagine: you are going to school everyday, have lunch, do your homework, go to family trips. Everyone will think that you are fine. That you are "okay", that you are innocent. But actually you are not. Your "friends" at school are telling you that you are so sad lately and you should stop being so weird and come out of the house. Then telling you that they don't wanna be friends with you anymore because you are really weird and alone. Then you come home. expecting to feel yourself again. When you enter your house your family starts judging you " you should loose weight", "stop eating that! you are gonna get even fatter" , "what are you wearing?!", "stop being so lazy", "don't talk to me with that attitude". But actually no one feels you. they just think that "its puberty" and its the "bad friendships" but no. Its depression. its 3am you are laying on your bed, everyone is asleep as you wear your headphones and listen to your sad playlist while crying yourself out. thinking "why is everyone judging me?", "what did I do to deserve this?", "am I not enough?" thousands of thoughts are going through your mind while you are almost falling asleep. but this helps you. every night when everyone is asleep, you cry, you leave out the pain, with the time you become even more insecure. always thinking about the world first. "should I wear this? what if they make fun of me?" you try to look like the others. you are not yourself. After a long time you are done. You can't take it anymore. You wanna feel free again. like the old good times when you didn't even thought about "the looks". When you were innocent. when was the last time you gave someone a REAL smile? yes. it was a long time ago. It was the good old times. those times are now just memories. You start not paying attention in class. Everything just seems not important. you don't really care about what grade you will get on that damn test. you want to cry, but there are no tears left. you cried them all out. You become tired. you don't wanna go anywhere just stay at home and hear music all day. slowly you are not scared of everything anymore. you just don't care if something happens. That's when you realize, you've become depressiv. You try to talk to your "friends" but they take it easy and maybe tell you that its fine and not to be sad. They don't understand your pain. Now imagine, you are in a tall building. at the roof with your headphones 1000 of thoughts are going through your head while you hear your mom screaming under you. you get closer at the edge of the building seeing that there are 5 police cars and your family and "friends" telling you to stay back and come down. they scream "DONT FALL! WE LOVE YOU!" yet they didn't understand how much they hurted you, and its al l their fault that you were in that position right now. You are thinking " should I do this? what if I regret this?" those thoughts repead in your head while you hear the police officers calling your name. You slowly put your foot on the edge, put your favorite song on. and let go. You fall. as you are falling you hear your family SCREAMING but you don't care, you fall in peace the last thing you could see were sirens and your mother holding you and telling you that she loves you. then you slowly close your eyes....and never open them again.

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