Chapter 5

Nyx Vale

Class stretched on as usual, with Ryan beside me today. He kept chatting with the girls in front of us, and they leaned into every word like it was something precious. Laughing. Blushing. Easy. They liked talking to him...liked having his attention.

I stayed quiet.

“So tell me, Nyx,” he said suddenly, resting his chin on his palm as he turned toward me. His voice carried a curious edge.

“Why do you always dress like that? Simple. Plain. A little makeup wouldn’t hurt, right?” He nodded toward Layla. “Look at her. She wears makeup and it looks effortless. Stunning.”

I paused my pen.

"I just don't want to...I'm fine without it." That's the only response I can come up with. Make-up products are expensive nowadays and uncle is gonna give me a good-beating if I even bring that up. But honestly? I don't think make-up is necessary at the first place. I don't wanna impress anyone...I just wanna stay in the shadows and silence while everyone blends with the light and attention.

"You're so different from them Nyx...really different." He sounded surprised. I don't know whether that's a compliment or a complaint.

I just gave him a forced smile, a practiced one and continued writing my notes.

He chuckled. "I'm just saying...like you're looking cute without any make-up. But imagine if you wear a nice little skirt and put on some lip-gloss or something. You'll have boys lining up for you."

Why is he telling me that?...He is acting like I asked for advice on socializing.

“Ryan, shut up.” The voice came from behind us. Low. Sleep-heavy. Irritated.

“You’re disturbing my sleep.”

Noah had his head resting against the desk, one arm folded under it, eyes closed and trying to sleep like the class didn’t exist. He’d taken the last bench behind us, probably to avoid his fangirls. Or the noise. Maybe both.

Ryan laughed awkwardly . “You sleep through everything, man.”

“Only when that "everything" useless,” Noah muttered, not lifting his head.

A few girls giggled at his comeback but Noah paid no mind to them.

Ryan rolled his eyes but turned back to the board, finally quiet.

I didn’t look behind me.

But the tightness in my chest eased just a little.

Not because Noah had said anything for me.

Just because the conversation ended. And internally I am glad Noah stopped Ryan.

Class ended quicker than usual today. As I packed my stuff and headed to the exit door to leave Ryan grabbed my arm making me flinch.

"Woah easy there. No need to flinch at small things like these." He said his voice reassuring.

Small things. Yeah.

"You know we'd make a pretty good team don't you think?-" He trailed off before continuing.

My throat tightened. What the hell is he talking about?

"And I was thinking that maybe we should start dating to get to know eachother more you know." He said looking into my eyes with those deep amber eyes...still not letting go of my arm.

I don't know what to say. Why me?...I didn't even want that. All I come here is to study and escape from uncle's hellhole for sometime. Romance was never the part of plan. And never had I thought a guy would actually ask me out.

Like Ryan is a really good guy. He's funny and kind nothing his sister Brooke but even friendship is a whole new concept for me and he's asking for a relationship. I just can't be the person he wants.

"I don't know Ryan...I need time"

"Time for what?" His brows pulling together. "To think about us?...Come on you know better than that." He sounded hurt.

"No it's not that its just-"

"Just what? You don't like me?" His tone made something ache in my chest. I don't wanna hurt his bright spirit but even if I'll say yes I have nothing to offer him. My life is like cold depressing weather. His life is like spring day. Joyful. Happy. Something really I lack.

“I’m not asking for anything big,” he added quickly. “Just… us hanging out. Getting to know each other. That’s all. Are you really gonna break a guy's heart?”

That’s all.

He made it sound simple. Harmless. Like saying yes wouldn’t change anything at all. Ofcourse it would. It's like stepping into a whole new world.

“I’ll take it slow,” he promised stepping close and gently taking my hand in his. Warm and the one which felt like won't attack me for once. “You set the pace. I swear.”

I wanted to believe him.

Part of me wondered if this was what normal was supposed to feel like. Someone choosing you. Someone patient enough to wait.

The word okay sat heavy on my tongue, refusing to come out. What about uncle? If he finds out I'm dating I'll be screwed for sure. And Brooke? She won't leave me alone for days. She's gonna get more aggressive on me for letting her brother's image down.

“I really think I shouldn’t,” I said quietly. “I’m not good at this kind of thing.”

Ryan blinked, then laughed softly, like I’d just said something silly. Honestly its not silly. Not to me. Its just concern.

“Nyx,” he said, shaking his head. “You’re overthinking it.”

“I’m serious,” I added, forcing myself to meet his eyes. “I don’t want to mess things up.”

He frowned slightly, concern slipping into his expression so smoothly it almost looked real.

“Mess what up?” he asked his voice desperate. “Nothing’s even started yet.”

Its like he's seen something in me I never saw. Like I'm someone worth caring for. Worth spending time with. Worth loving.

I opened my mouth, then closed it again.

“You’re not saying no because you don’t like me. I know.,” he continued. “You’re just scared. That’s different.”

I stiffened. My body tensing.

“That’s not—”

“It is,” he interrupted gently. “You always do this. You shut yourself down before anything even happens. Why?”

I didn’t remember telling him that about myself. And I don't know how to answer that either so I just stared at the ground.

Somehow, he said it like he knew the answer himself.

“I’m just trying to help you,” he went on. “You can’t avoid people forever, Nyx. That’s not healthy.”

The word healthy lodged itself somewhere uncomfortable.

“I’m not forcing you,” he added quickly, even though my chest felt tight. “I’d never do that. I just think you owe yourself a chance.”

Owe. Myself. A chance. Never thought about that.

I glanced at the floor. At my shoes. At the exit that suddenly felt very far away.

Ryan sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. “If you really didn’t want this, you’d say no. Clearly. You wouldn’t hesitate like this.”

Something twisted in my stomach.

Was I being unclear?

Am I so confusing?

“I just don’t want to disappoint you” I whispered before I could stop myself.

His face softened immediately. His grip on my hands turning tight as if he's afraid of letting go.

“You won’t,” he said. “I promise. This doesn’t have to be a big deal unless you make it one.”

He smiled again, warm and reassuring.

And I hated myself for how easy it was to believe him.

But what if he's right? Maybe I'm just over-thinking it. And maybe I deserve a chance.

“…Okay,” I said. It didn’t sound like agreement. It sounded like surrender. Maybe just one shot won't hurt right?

Ryan’s smile widened, satisfied.

“See?” he said lightly. “I knew you’d come around.”

He then looked at my lips. He leaned in before I fully understood what was happening. He's trying to kiss me.

The space between us vanished too fast. My chest tightened.

I stepped back instantly. Placing a hand to cover his lips from kissing mine.

“Don’t,” I said, my voice small but firm. My hands trembled a bit as I took them bac. “I don’t like…such stuff. Not yet.”

Ryan stopped, then let out a quiet laugh.

“…Wow,” he said, straightening. “Okay.”

He lifted his hands dramatically. “Didn’t know I was dealing with a scared little kitten.”

My stomach dropped. Scared little kitten? That's how I looked right now?

“I’m serious,” I said. “This is new to me.”

“Yeah,” he replied, grinning. “Clearly.”

He shook his head, amused.

“Relax, Nyx. It was just a kiss. You reacted like I crossed some sacred line or something.”

Heat rushed to my face. “I just don’t feel comfortable—”

“God,” he interrupted, chuckling. “You’re wound way too tight.”

Loosen up.

Relax.

Just a joke.

Stop taking everything too seriously Nyx. You're gonna weird him out on the first day itself.

“You know,” he continued casually, “most girls would be happy. You should take it as a compliment.”

A compliment. That's how I was suppose to take it? Shit. Why do I mess everything up?

“Sorry,” I said quietly.

Ryan sighed,  “And I backed off, didn’t I? No need to make it awkward by apologizing.”

Awkward.

This is on me. I shouldn't have agreed into this he probably thinks I'm an idiot.

He smiled again, lazy and teasing. “You’re gonna have to get used to this stuff sooner or later. Might as well start now.”

The words settled heavy in my chest.

I nodded even though something inside me was screaming no. I can't say no when he just offered me something better. When this is supposed to be fun and loving and not like this.

***Download NovelToon to enjoy a better reading experience!***