Countdown: Beginning Till The End

#10

I first met him when I was ten. He was a year younger than me, so I got scolded a lot when we would play together. They said I was being too rough with him. They told me that he wasn't as strong as I was, so I had to play easy.

There were times he'd get sick and he'd stay at home in bed for days. When I say days, I mean days! Sometimes, three or four days at a time and sometimes almost a week. It made me feel really nervous to see him like that.

#9

It took nine years for me to get him to go out with me. Nine! We started dating on my nineteenth birthday actually. That was the first time we kissed. Well, the first time I ever kissed him and he kissed back.

He stayed by my side from then on out. He was mine and I was his. It was just as it was supposed to be. I had finally found where I belonged in the world, and so had he.

#8

Eight months later he got sick again. It wasn't his regular sick. We had to take him to the hospital after he collapsed during school and cut his forehead on a desk corner.

They told me it was nothing to worry about, but the looks they exchanged. I knew better than that. I was told he had to stay in the hospital for the night, but a night turned into two, the two turned into a whole week. And I did not leave his side a single moment during those times.

#7

Seven days he was in the hospital. And for seven days, I was stuck by his side without a single argument. It took the doctors seven days to finally come up with a diagnosis. They told us it was something called Sarcoidosis.

Apparently, sarcoidosis is a disease that cause inflammation. And from what I know from school and my researches about the said disease, our immune system has cells that are supposed to fight off diseased cells. But in this case, the inflammation doesn't stop and because of that it affects multiple organs. Thus, the immune system forms lumps called granulomas.

It's rare that this disease is fatal, but unfortunately his has been growing. It was growing and will continue to grow further during his whole life according to his doctors. So, he had next to no choice of survival... I'm going to lose him. I'm going to lose the love of my life at nineteen, and there's nothing I could fucking do about it!

He... Baekhyun was d-dying. He was dying... That's all I could think for days. He's going to die, I'm going to lose him, my beautiful and delicate Byun Baekhyun...

And I'm going to be alone all over again!

#6

He was given six months in the least. Six months wasn’t enough… t wasn’t enough! He didn’t deserve this. He deserves to live forever. If not, longer because he deserve to be happy and healthy. So, why did God choose him? Why did He choose the purest and most honest person I’ve ever known? The only person I’ve ever known to be nice to everyone.

That night, he was the one to comfort me. He was the strong one for the both of us. I was supposed to be the strong one and be the one comforting him, right? So, why I was being held all night? I knew I had to be the strong one from now on. I had to be for the both of us. It was my turn now and I need to be stronger this this time.

#5

Five weeks into treatment, his health spiraled out of control. They said he might not make it to six months. But they couldn’t know that, could they? You get worse before you get better, right?

I’ve never understood how he could stay so strong in these situations. He kept saying he’d be okay, that I’d be okay even he was gone… but how would I? Doesn’t he know that I can’t breathe without him? I need him…

#4

When he was supposedly had for months left, a nurse helped me sneak him out of the hospital for a day. The nurse gave him his meds before we left and said I had to bring him back before tomorrow morning. So, I took him to the beach for the day.

I was able to rent us a private spot so that we could spend our time alone peacefully. When he found out, he scolded me and told me I didn’t have to waste my money on him. I told him it was anything but a waste if it was for him. Then I asked him something…

“Will you marry me?”

#3

It was three in the afternoon the next day when I finally returned with him. His mother yelled at me for a good twenty minutes or more but after she saw the ring on his son’s finger, she just teared up and hugged the breath out of both of us. Just then, I know she accepted us…

That night I’d spent with him was amazing. I learned every little thing about him that I could. We got to spend one long passionate night together and honestly? Nothing else mattered.  It didn’t matter that he was dying. All that mattered is that we loved each other and that we always will.

#2

Two weeks later we had a “wedding”. It wasn’t really a wedding, but it was something at least, just the two of us, our parents and a priest. It wasn’t extravagant or expensive… It was just ‘Us’, perfect for us.

Some of the nurse helped us; they braided little flowers and put them on his hair. They even put him in something kind of flowy and cute. They really gave us the best they could with what they had, and we were beyond grateful for all of it.

#1

One month later his lungs went bad. His right one collapsed and his left one soon followed. They did what they could, but he only got worse.

His parents sad their goodbyes quickly, telling me they wanted to give me as much as I time I could have with him, but I could barely breath let alone say thank you. I spent my last night with, not with teary pain filled eyes, but with good memories and small kisses.

He took his last gaspy breaths at three the next morning. When they came to get him, I screamed and cried I couldn’t let them take him. I could feel my heart being ripped from my chest.

#EPILOGUE

When people asked how much I’ve gotten since he passed, all I give them is a small smile. I know that’s not enough answer to give; but what can I do, I can’t really find any words to express how I really feel to others. I don’t think I’ll ever get over him. My friends don’t bring him up much but they do bring up the good memories whenever we are talking about him.

Every year around his birthday, Christmas and for his death anniversary I always visit him. It’s been a tradition for me. I’ll go to his grave with flowers in hand and talk to him about what happened since the last time I visit him. It always lifted the heavy feeling I had in my chest since he was gone.

It’s been six years then, and he would’ve just turned twenty five. I am currently on my way to visit him. Sometimes I wish I could…

Suddenly, there was a loud crash as the two cars collided. Sending one onto the median of the road; people came running to each what happened to every passenger but it was useless.

I was standing beside my car, looking at the wrecked in front of me with a confused gazed. How was I here?  How come I could see myself inside of my car while I’m standing here in the sidewalk? What’s happening…?

Then it was all answered when I felt a hand wrapped around my own and happiness suddenly engulfed my being as I turned around. There he was, the only love of my life standing right next to me with a small serene smile on his face.

“I’ve been waiting for you…”

FIN.

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