It Was Always Her

23/dec/23

Cute darling Dear dairy,

I didn’t fall for her in one moment,

It happened in pieces fr and

At first, she was just the girl in the group chat who argued too much and laughed at her own jokes. The one who would randomly start fights over nothing and then send memes five minutes later like nothing happened. I used to tease her just to see her react. She was dramatic, loud, impossible to ignore.

But then she started becoming my favorite notification.

It was stupid things at first. Late-night conversations about absolutely nothing. Teasing each other about the dumbest topics. Pretending to be mad just to see who would apologize first. She would say she’s “evil,” and I’d laugh because I knew how soft she actually was.

She hated chaos but somehow attracted it. And somehow, I always ended up next to her when things went wrong.

I think I started falling for her the day she tried to fix a fight between two friends. She acted like she didn’t care, but I saw how much she wanted peace. She didn’t like seeing people hurt. She would change the topic when things got too heated, like she was secretly protecting everyone.

Including me.

She told me once she felt weird when things changed. She said she didn’t like when dynamics shifted. I teased her about being dramatic, but the truth? I liked that she cared that much. I liked that she valued bonds like they meant something.

When she laughed, it wasn’t quiet. It was full and real and slightly embarrassing. When she got jealous, she pretended she wasn’t. When she was hurt, she’d go silent before admitting it.

And somehow, I learned all her patterns.

The day I realized it wasn’t just friendship was random. She was talking about her day something boring, I don’t even remember what and I was smiling at my phone like an idiot. Not because of what she said, but because it was her.

Her voice felt like home.

Her teasing felt familiar.

Her presence felt necessary.

I didn’t want to own her. I didn’t want to control her. I just wanted to be the person she looked for in a crowd. The one she told first. The one she trusted when she felt “weird.”

I fell for the way she balanced softness and chaos.

For the way she’d say “I’m evil” but still stay up listening to someone’s problems.

For the way she hated drama but loved teasing.

For the way she valued loyalty more than pride.

And maybe the scariest part?

I didn’t fall because she was perfect.

I fell because she was real.

And somewhere between jokes, fights, silence, and peace…

She stopped being “my best friend.”

And quietly,

She became the girl I didn’t want to lose.

But its just weird idk how to tell her that.