The tears meant nothing to him.
My bruises were a mockery to him, but also a reminder of who I belonged to.
I hated it, the fact that a part of me needed him. A man who was worse than death itself, I read about it when I was little. My mother told me about it...
She was afraid too. Not for me, but for the kind of life I would lead. She wished with all her heart that I would not become...
An omega. She always said that omegas breed eternal suffering. I didn't believe her, I didn't understand her. I didn't understand why she kept repeating it to me like a lullaby at night. "If you're an omega you won't be happy."
She told me words that were boiling in my mind so I started to think about it too. Not being an omega, being anything other than that, I didn't understand why they would bring eternal suffering, at the time it seemed interesting to me because she herself was an omega.
But now I understand.
Why she didn't want me to be an omega.
Omegas... They are a curse.
A curse that every alpha abuses. For THEIR benefit, I wish I hadn't been born an omega, I wish I hadn't been used as an image of someone's fascination.
His fascination.
~
The tears on my face didn't want to stop, they were an image of the insignificant reality I find myself in. And he liked to see them. They were a comforting melody for him, a burden for having ruined my life so fucking badly.
He turned my desires into something unattainable. He forbade me smile, he trapped me in his world.
The wind was so strong that for a moment I listened to the rocks where the waves crashed, I closed my eyes and felt the sound of the sea that was below me.
I am not brave to continue, I am not brave to say his name without fear. He turned the night into a priceless thing, when he enveloped me in the darkness itself.
He hid from the stars because even they had no right to see, so at his request they disappeared from the sky.
I lowered my eyes and looked at my belly that was already big, practically I have too little time left, and the child will come into the world.
But ... It would be a punishment if he were born, I don't want him because he will have a piece of him. Because it will be his child, the child that I carry and I will leave him to the mercy of fate.
He cannot have a son, this man cannot have a son. My head repeated itself. I can't handle the fact that I will send him into a world full of violence, anger and fear. He will lose his life before you start living.
"I-I... I am not committing a sin, I am doing good. I am ending my life to save myself and the child."
I opened my eyes and looked down, trying to hold back my tears. The sweet taste of death... I felt it on my tongue, I put one foot in front of me, and several stones crumbled under me and fell straight into the sea.
The sweet... sweet... embrace of death, it is so close...
In the end, my instrument for self-destruction was.
Goodbye.
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