Ch. 4

We catch our breaths after a while, our breaths intermingling as one, our bodies a giant tangled mess. I find myself sitting on his lap, my legs straddling around his hips. I have no idea how this happened. My arms are still around his neck, while his hands roam everywhere: on my back, on my neck, brushing through my hair, encircling my waist, and sometimes, bringing my hips closer to his. His hands seem to have a life of their own. They never stop on one part of my body. This is the first time this has happened to us. Our interaction before was friendly, sweet, a bit shy of being awkward, nothing romantic. I always see Caleb as a friend, a companion, my comforter, and sometimes, almost like a brother. But never as this.

My head suddenly spins from everything that is happening. What exactly is happening? This. Caleb and I. The death of his sister, the boy and that woman, her accusations… wait, is the woman still alive? A pang of dread runs through me. And what did she mean with all she said?

Caleb seems to realize that my mind is not with him anymore. He pauses. Maybe he knows what is happening. The way he acted a while ago, it definitely looks like he knows something. Why hasn’t he told me anything before then? I frown. His eyebrows furrow, his eyes questioning, as if trying to search what I’m thinking.

I’m about to ask him when I hear a knock on the door. Caleb and I look at each other, our eyes widening with alarm. Before we can even move apart, the door opens and Dad steps in.

Thank goodness, we still have our clothes on.

I have never even once thought before that I’d be caught in this position. Literally. Even more so with Caleb.

Dad makes a sweeping look at both of us, his eyebrows raising. I can feel Caleb tensing beside me, and I swear he stops breathing.

A second has passed.

To make the matter worst, Theodore peeks in.

“Goodness gracious, Caleb,” Theodore says. “What in the name of the Forest are you doing?”

Theodore pauses to look at Dad. “I’m sorry Gareth. Kids these days.” Then he says to Caleb, “Let’s get back home, lad.”

I don’t know what Dad is thinking right now; his expression is stoic and hard to read. I also note he hasn’t yet uttered a word. Silence is not good. I push Caleb away, but Caleb holds me back in place. His arms tighten around my back. Alarmed, I shoot him a warning look, but he is staring straight at Dad.

“Let me run away with Sam,” Caleb says, his voice not even wavering for a bit.

A sound escapes my lips. I gape at him, stunned. My heart must have stopped, even my mind. I nudge his shoulders. What has he been thinking?

“No,” Dad says. “Never. This is the safest place for Samantha.”

Caleb nods as if understanding. “Then let me marry her instead.”

My mouth hangs open this time. Surely he can’t be serious? I may have been locked away all my life and have no idea how the outside world really works, but I know being caught kissing is not enough to land me a marriage proposal.

I look back at Dad.

Dad and Theodore are staring at each other, thinking. It’s as if they’re considering it a possibility. Are they serious? It’s not as if I don’t want to marry Caleb; it’s just that it never crosses my mind. Okay, it did cross my mind before, but that’s because he’s the only guy about my age I really know. We’ve been around each other since we were kids, and I know a part of me wants to have him around forever. But a part of me also hopes that someday I’ll be able to go out of this house and roam the streets and the world freely without being harmed or getting sick. And when that time comes, maybe that’s where I’ll meet the one for me.

“It will be dangerous,” Dad says more to Theodore than to Caleb.

Theodore shrugs. “I don’t oppose it.”

Caleb breathes a sigh of relief. He looks at me, grinning widely from ear to ear. It’s as if he forgets everything that just happened with his sister. I smile back at him, and for a moment, I thank God secretly for taking away some of his pain. But then still, marrying him… This is all too fast. I’m not even sure if I want to. Should I want to?

“When?” Dad says.

I gawk at Dad incredulously. “Wait, what? I haven’t even said yes.”

Everyone turns to stare at me. I can feel Caleb bracing himself for whatever I will say.

“Sam,” he says under his breath, pain crossing his face.

I have to clench my hands into a fist to stop myself from touching him. I want to smooth the lines of worry from his face, but I don’t want him to get any more hopes up. Kissing him has been a big mistake. I shouldn’t have let him. He is my friend, and I don’t want to complicate anything any more.

I stare at my hands. “This is the kind of decision in which I don’t want to rush myself,” I say, trying to carefully measure each of my words so I wouldn’t hurt him.

Caleb nods. “I understand,” he says softly. I bring myself to look at him. There’s a bit of a sad smile on his face, and his eyes… his eyes always feel like home, and I suddenly wonder if I should have just accepted his offer.

I turn to look at Dad. “Also, you haven’t all explained to me yet what happened a while ago downstairs,” I say.

“She has the right to know,” Caleb says.

Dad glares at him.

“It isn’t because he’s my son, but the kid is right, Gareth. It’s about time,” Theodore says.

Dad exhales and rubs his face. He is clearly debating this. I know he is full of secrets and he never likes telling anything to me.

“Okay.” He sighs. “But first…”

I listen expectantly.

“Can you two sit properly? If it hadn’t been you, Caleb, I would have smashed your face already to bits,” Dad says.

* * *

We proceed downstairs. The woman and her boy are gone. Caleb’s sister is wrapped in a blanket. Dad or Theodore must have placed her in a fruit basket and situated her in front of the fire chamber. I assumed before the fire chamber never really works, that it must be there just for house decoration as Dad never opens it even in winter. Only until now. The fire crackles loudly, ominously, making me shiver. I wonder how long the fire has been going, as it never seems to warm the place.

“What happened to the woman and her child?” I ask.

“Kicked her out after she regained consciousness,” Theodore says.

“Will she be okay?”

“Physically? Yeah. Kinds like her don’t easily die. Emotionally, well, that’s different. She just lost a child.” I can hear the sadness weaving in Theodore’s voice. As tough as he looks, he too just lost a child.

I catch Caleb staring at his sister’s way as we make our way to the kitchen. He looks quizzically at me after, puzzled. I shrug. I do not really know what it all means. He laces his hand through mine as we sit at the dining table like we have done this a million times before. Only this is the first time we ever hold hands. I like it, though.

My stomach rumbles. I remember Dad and I hadn’t really finished our dinner a while ago, but I am not hungry now. I am queasy. My heart is doing all kinds of somersaults, and I am nervous about what I will learn tonight. If the woman is telling the truth, it means… It means everything I know about me and the world, everything I know about the few people I love, is about to change.

How bad can it be?

I glimpse the side of Caleb’s face, and I feel his warm hand in mine. My heart is warming to the idea that he’ll be my future.

I smile. Surely it can’t be that bad.

I knew even before that Dad has been keeping secrets from me. Why else would he lock me away at this house? Just because of my sickness? I don’t even know what sickness I have.

I look at Dad as he busily prepares coffee for each of us. Even with all his strictness, I love him with all my heart. Dad is not perfect, but he never harms me in any way, not even once. I can’t remember him saying a single hurtful thing to me, even when he’s angry.

My dad has overprotected me, rendering me dependent, helpless, and naïve for most of the time. And I think if there’s a fault on his part, it’s because he has loved and cared for me too much.

In any case, I know whatever secrets he has been keeping from me all this time, I’m certain I can handle it.

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