3|Lonely

Naomi's POV

I glanced at the time and saw that it was well past midnight.

The cursor blinked at me from the screen, but I hadn't typed anything in over

an hour.

I leaned back in my chair, stretching out the tightness in my shoulders before

finally getting up and making my way upstairs.

When I did, I could see the faint light coming out of Eden's room.

He had forgotten to close the door completely, so I took a peek in.

He was fast asleep on the rocking chair with her blanket in his hand.

Furthermore, he had moved in here three weeks after we came back from the

hospital.

We just couldn't see eye to eye anymore.

It was painful that I couldn't have him by my side, but also I felt relieved.

I just wanted us to stop fighting.

However, I wished we could go back to the simpler times before I got

pregnant, where we would never even imagine ourselves in this situation.

…

He had his arm wrapped around me, his fingers tracing slow, beautiful

patterns on my bare back.

Our laughter still lingered in the air, warm, happy, and loose.

“Baby, you're staring again,” I mumbled against his chest.

He reached for his glasses before putting them on. “Can you blame me?

You're the best view I've ever seen.”

I rolled my eyes, but I couldn't stop the smile that tugged at my lips. “Don't

say such things to me.”

He lifted me off from his chest with a raised eyebrow. “Why not?”

“Because…” I trailed off.

His hands quickly gripped my waist before I was seated on his stomach.

“Because?”

His thumb began to trace small circles against my waist as a smirk appeared

on his lips.

“Because you're going to make me go too far,” I admitted.

He smiled. “We're literally married, Naomi. There's nothing too far with us.”

I held my stomach before looking down at it. “I think I'm ready.”

When I returned my glance to him, he had a satisfied smile on his face.

“I'm scared,” I told him.

His grip tightened around me. “It's ok, we're in this together.”

I slowly nodded before leaning down and pressing my lips.

The kiss was slow at first.

His hand soon cradled my face as I deepened it and our bodies naturally

began to move together.

“I love you, Nate,” I told him in between kisses.

“I love you more,” he answered, and I couldn't help, but smile against his lips.

…

It was that night.

That was the beginning to our end.

My jaw tightened and just when I was about to head to my room, he opened

his eyes.

He raised his eyebrow. “Can I help you?”

I quickly looked away before beginning to move away.

“No,” I quickly said, but immediately halted when I remembered I'd be going

to spend the rest of the night by myself.

“Actually…” I said as I turned back. “Could you help me reach the box on the

top shelf in the hallway closet?”

He sat up slowly, eye still groggy but watching me with that unreadable look

he always wore now.

The kind that made me feel like a stranger towards him.

“The one with the stuff for the house?” He asked as we walked toward the

closet.

I nodded. “Yeah, I need to redecorate before your parents visit.”

He didn't reply, and the air felt thick between us.

He reached up, pulling the box down with a casual ease that made

something twist in my stomach.

“Anything else?” He asked, his voice sounding bored.

I stared at the box, unsure of what I was even trying to do anymore.

It wasn't because of the damn box.

And it wasn't because of the damn decorations.

It was because I couldn't go another night pretending I wasn't lonely in this

house that used to be so full of love.

“No,” I said defeated before turning around.

He quickly held me back.

I slowly turned around to see his hand touching mine for the first time in

months.

However, the moment didn't last long because he dropped it the moment he

got my attention.

“I heard you didn't make partner today,” he said. “I'm sorry.”

My heart started to beat faster. “How'd you hear about that?”

“Who else?”

“Parker?” I asked annoyed and he nodded. “Jeez, that guy needs to get a life.”

My last sentence earned a short chuckle from him.

“Did you congratulate Kate?” He asked and I sighed as I leaned back against

the wall.

“No, I avoided her the whole day,” I truthfully said. “Wasted my day at the

courthouse.”

“You should congratulate her,” he suggested. “She was your best friend after

all.”

I scoffed. “When our baby died she didn't try to console me.”

He frowned a little before we fell into a silence again.

Then it suddenly clicked that this was the longest conversation we had so far

after everything.

We even talked for a good bit at the courthouse today.

He shifted, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Anyway,” he mumbled, stepping back. “I didn't mean to keep you.”

Just like that…cold again.

Distant.

“You didn't.”

“Good,” he said, nodding, though he wouldn't meet my eyes. “Good.”

The silence followed wasn't warm anymore.

It was thick and awkward.

I hated it.

I watched as he picked up the box and placed it on a lower shelf for me to

reach.

“You don't need to clean up after me,” I muttered.

“I'm not,” he replied flatly. “Just don't want to trip over it later.”

And there it was.

Back to this.

Whatever the hell this was.

I was waiting.

I nodded, jaw tight so that I wouldn't say anything to cause a fight. “Well, I'm

going to bed now.”

“Right,” he said, already turning his back to me. “Night.”

Don't say anything.

Don't say anything.

Don't say anything.

“You know you'll be a lot happier if you just let me go?” I asked. “Just

divorce me already.”

He quickly turned back.

“Are you kidding me right now, Naomi?” He asked. “Are you trying to ruin my

father's reelection? Just like you ruin everything?”

“Just like I ruin everything?” I asked in disbelief. “Is that what you think?”

“You're the innocent husband here, and I'm the wife who does everything

wrong!?” I shouted out of anger.

His jaw clenched as he stepped forward. “I never said that.”

“But that's what you meant, right?” I asked. “Right?”

His eyes darkened as his hands rolled into fists at his sides. “I lost of

everything!”

“You stopped caring!” I shouted back. “That's why you lost everything.”

“You sleep in a dead baby's room and call it moving on!”

“And what about you, huh?” He asked. “At least I actually give a shit. You

haven't said her name since that day.”

I laughed humorlessly. “I don't give a shit?”

“I carried her for nine months, Nathaniel.”

“And you erased her even quicker,” he argued.

“You want to know why I chose her room and not next to you or the other

guest rooms?” He asked.

“It's because that's the only place in this damn house that feels like she ever

existed,” he said. “The only place you didn't remove all her shit from.”

“So what?” I asked. “I'm supposed to just be obsessed over a baby who's

never going to come home?”

He glared at me. “Don't you dare say it like that.”

“It's the truth,” I revealed, feeling the lump in my breath start to burn. “You

act like I'm supposed to be stuck at the moment forever.”

“She wasn't a moment, Naomi. She was our daughter.”

“That died,” I glared at him. “She died and there was nothing we could

do…nothing I could do.”

“I had to survive that,” I told him. “I had to go through twenty hours of

Labor, Nate.”

“Twenty!” I glared at him.

“Twenty hours of pain…twenty hours of knowing I'll never get to hear her

cry.”

“So don't stand there and act like I didn't love her.”

The silence between us pained me.

“I think we need a break,” he finally said, looking away.

I nodded, blinking back tears. “Yeah.”

He didn't say another word.

Instead, he turned around and went to his room.

And for the first time in a very long time, I let myself cry.

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