The Price of Loving You
In front of Aganahai, Kapilan held out a yellow thread.
"Tie the thaali onto this and give me the chain. I need money for the business. I have to pawn the jewelry," he asked.
Aganahai’s eyes looked toward her mother-in-law, who was sitting in the hall. On her mother-in-law’s neck were a double-strand chain, two twisted chains, an attigai, a thick thaali chain; on her ears were heavy mango-design studs; her arms were full of heavy bangles, and there were rings on six fingers.
Sitting next to her and watching TV was her sister-in-law, who had gold anklets on her feet, a gold watch on one wrist, and a gold bangle on the other. In her cupboard, there would be four sets of earrings, five types of haarams, three kinds of necklaces, and two dozen bangles.
At Aganahai's parental home, they had sent her off with forty sovereigns of gold jewelry. Kapilan took all of it and pawned it at the bank. In the end, all that remained on her neck was this three-sovereign chain and half-sovereign thaali that her husband’s family had given.
After looking at them, Aganahai turned to her husband and snatched the yellow thread from his hand.
A few minutes ago She was standing by the bedroom window. If he had just directly asked for the jewelry, perhaps it wouldn’t have hurt so much? He had embraced her from behind, given her kisses, pressed his lips to hers, written poetry poetically with his lips alone, and only then asked for the jewelry.
Did he think she would only give the jewelry if he seduced her?
As soon as she took the thread, Kapilan went out.
There was a piece of turmeric near the window. Aganahai picked it up and tied it to the yellow thread.
Anicham, the sister-in-law who was in the hall, said, "Anna, can you send a thousand rupees to my account? There's an urgent expense."
Kapilan sent the money without even asking why or what for, and said, "Sent it."
"Thank you, bro," she said, pinching his cheek, and ran off from there.
Kapilan’s mother, Semmalar, switched off the TV and got up. "Your aunt is coming to town tomorrow. Book her a train ticket. And tomorrow when you’re coming back from work, buy three kilos of vanjaram fish," she said.
"Okay, Ma," Kapilan said.
"I’m going to the temple with the aunty next door. Be safe," she said, speaking to him like she would to a child, and left.
He went to the bedroom, having already calculated how long it would take to remove the thaali from the chain and string it onto the thread.
As soon as he came in, Aganahai held out the thaali chain along with the thaali to him.
He looked at her face in shock.
"What is this?" he asked angrily.
"Does it only count as a thaali if it’s made of gold? This is enough for me," she said, showing him the thaali thread that was now swinging against her chest along with the turmeric bulb.
He looked at her with the same anger. "You don’t have to give me the jewelry out of hatred," he said.
"It’s not hatred. It’s torture. Even if I tell you, you won’t understand," she said. She took his hand, placed the jewelry in it, and started to leave.
He caught her by the shoulder and stopped her. "Why are you angry now? I’m only asking for the business, right?" he tried to speak in a placating voice.
She slapped his hand away, stood up straight, and looked him in the face.
"Why don’t you ever ask your mother for anything? Why don’t you ask your sister or brother or sister-in-law for anything?" she asked.
He rubbed his forehead. "You’re the one who’s my wife.." he said.
"Only for this am I your wife. When your mother or the others ask for money, you give it to them without asking for accounts? But for me, even for ten rupees you ask for the accounts four times," she said, her eyes welling up.
"I’m a young girl too, right? Wouldn’t I also want to wear jewelry? You took all the jewelry. When I went to your cousin’s baby shower, everyone else was wearing jewelry. They look at me with contempt. Everything I have is imitation, they ask if your house didn’t give you any jewelry. You’re the one pawning it. Then why should my parents get the bad name for it?" she asked.
He cupped her face. "Look here, this is for us. After the business grows tomorrow, who am I going to spend it for? It’s for you only, right?" he said.
She turned her gaze away with a bitter smile.
"Please stop saying these deceptive words. You took forty-three and a half sovereigns from me, but you couldn’t even get me a pair of imitation earrings. When you say you’ll do something for me tomorrow, my heart refuses to believe it. If I call and ask you to buy flowers worth ten rupees, you come home and say you forgot. But whatever your mother says, you remember it correctly and do it even after a month," she said. Then, hearing the child’s whimper, she moved away from him.
"Go do whatever you want. Just don’t talk to me like this. That’s enough," she said.
She picked up her whimpering son from the cradle. The child was one year old.
"So you’re with me only for the money?" Kapilan asked.
Holding the child close to her chest, she turned and looked at him. "So did you marry me only for the jewelry?" she asked back.
"Don’t keep fighting all the time. I came to take the jewelry with trust," he said, then threw the thaali chain onto the bed and walked off.
'It feels like I could handle even a thousand people coming at me with knives in this world. But I can’t bear his anger. His anger might be more powerful than even the punishments of hell..'
"Kapila!" she shouted.
He was about to step over the threshold of the room and turned to look back. His nostrils were flared with anger.
"The fault is mine. Come and take the thaali chain," she said.
"Are you giving me alms?" he asked.
Tears filled her eyes. "I already said sorry, didn’t I!"
His gaze remained unchanged.
She got angry at herself. 'We’ve given him everything. This is all that’s left. Why should we fight here and make ourselves look like the bad one?' she regretted.
Lowering her head, she said, "I’m a fool. That’s why I spoke without thinking. Sorry."
He came up to the bed and picked up the thaali chain. Glaring at her the whole time, he left from there.
Aganahai fed the child and sat him down on the floor. She picked up a toy and placed it in front of him. Her son, Udaykrish. The one who had become her entire world.
Two years ago, she and Kapilan got married. Arranged marriage. She liked him. At that time he was working at a private company. She married him willingly too. The first two months were love, love, love...
In the third month she got pregnant. In that same month he opened his business. From then on, he would often take her jewelry and pawn it at the bank. In the beginning, she gave it to him with trust. But it was only later that it started to bother her that he never took jewelry from his mother or his sister.
In this second year, it had come down to her last piece of jewelry.
She felt anguish and sadness. "If I had started some work like this, wouldn’t he have helped me?" she kept thinking this and consoling herself.
While she was playing with the child, she heard the cook’s voice calling, "mam..."
She came to the hall. "Come in, akka," she called.
When the woman asked, "What should I cook today?"
Aganahai called her mother-in-law.
She told the cook what her mother-in-law had said.
"Okay, ma," the woman said and went off to cook.
Even that woman had a thin gold chain around her neck. Thinking of her own neck, Aganahai’s eyes welled up.
People at her mother's home keep asking questions too — 'When will your husband return the jewelry?'
Mother-in-law, sister-in-law, co-sister — none of them have any affection for me. They never think, 'She’s here with a bare neck, at least when she goes out we could lend her our jewelry.'
She came back her room sadly and continued playing with the child.
At night, mother-in-law, father-in-law, sister-in-law, and husband all returned home. The elder brother and co-sister had gone on a tour abroad.
Kapilan didn’t look at her directly. He was still angry.
The child stumbled up saying "Ppa..." and Kapilan picked him up and went to the terrace.
Dinner time came. The two of them were nowhere to be seen.
"Bring Kapilan for dinner," mother-in-law assigned her the task.
She went up to the terrace.
Kapilan was sitting leaning against the wall with his eyes closed. The child was lying asleep in his lap.
She went near him and placed a hand on his shoulder.
He opened his eyes from his half-sleep. Seeing her, he hissed, "What?"
She picked up the child and said, "Come eat."
He got up and came along reluctantly.
That night he sleep with his back to her.
She had no words to describe her fate. She held his shoulder and turned him toward her.
"I’m sleepy," he said.
If she had said the same thing, he would have stayed angry for a whole week just for that.
Not wanting to trouble him, she turned over and trying to sleep.
The next morning, after finishing her work in the kitchen and coming back to her room, she found her sister-in-law pulling out her sarees from the wardrobe and holding them up against herself one after another, admiring how they looked.
The scattered sarees were piled on the floor. Kapilan came out of the bathroom and saw his sister. He didn’t say anything.
Picking up a silk saree, Anicham said, "There's Culturals at college, anni. I’m taking this," and left with the saree. On her way out, her foot touched a saree lying on the floor. But she left as if she hadn’t noticed.
To be continued..
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