If I Lose Myself, Kill Me

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Chapter 5: If I Lose Myself, Kill Me

The hatch didn’t break all at once.

It splintered.

Cracked.

Groaned like something alive was being torn apart.

Aya stared up at it, every muscle in her body locked tight. Dust rained down, sticking to her skin, her throat dry as her grip tightened around the knife.

“Get ready,” she whispered.

“I am.”

His voice was steady.

Too steady.

Aya didn’t look at him.

If she did—

She wasn’t sure what she’d see anymore.

Another slam.

Louder.

Wood snapped.

A jagged crack split through the center of the hatch.

A pale, rotting hand forced its way through.

Then another.

Aya’s breath hitched.

“They’re breaking through—”

“I know.”

The first zombie pushed its head through the gap, jaw hanging loose, teeth snapping as it tried to squeeze inside.

Aya moved first.

She lunged forward, driving her knife straight into its skull.

It went still instantly.

But it didn’t fall.

More hands grabbed onto the opening, forcing the broken wood wider.

More of them.

Too many.

“Back!” he ordered.

Aya didn’t argue this time.

She stepped away as he moved forward.

And then—

Everything changed.

The moment the next zombie dropped inside—

He snapped.

Not completely.

But enough.

Aya saw it.

Felt it.

The shift.

His movements became sharper.

Faster.

More violent.

He grabbed the zombie mid-lunge and slammed it into the ground hard enough to crack bone. Before it could even twitch—

He tore it apart.

Aya froze.

That wasn’t survival.

That was—

Something else.

More zombies spilled in.

One after another.

The small bunker filled with growls, snarls, the sound of decaying bodies hitting concrete.

Aya forced herself to move.

She couldn’t just stand there.

Couldn’t let him handle everything.

She slashed at the nearest one, dodging its grasp and driving her blade into its neck. It collapsed, dragging her down slightly before she kicked free.

Another lunged at her.

Too fast.

She stumbled back—

And then it was gone.

He had already gotten to it.

His hand buried deep into its chest.

Aya’s breath hitched again.

“Stop staring,” he muttered.

Aya blinked.

Right.

Focus.

Another one.

She turned, slashing, moving, surviving.

But no matter how many she took down—

He was faster.

Stronger.

Relentless.

Too relentless.

Aya’s eyes flickered back to him.

His breathing was heavier now.

Not from exhaustion.

From something else.

His eyes—

They were glowing brighter.

His veins—

Darker.

Spreading further.

“…Hey,” she said, voice tight. “You need to slow down.”

No response.

He didn’t even look at her.

Another zombie rushed him.

He didn’t dodge.

Didn’t step back.

He let it come close—

Too close.

Then—

He grabbed it.

And held it there.

Aya’s stomach dropped.

“What are you doing?!”

He didn’t answer.

Didn’t move.

For a second—

Everything felt wrong.

Still.

Then—

He leaned in.

Aya’s eyes widened.

“No—”

Too late.

He sank his teeth into it.

Aya froze.

Time stopped.

Her heart stopped.

Everything stopped.

He tore away—

Blood dripping from his mouth.

The zombie went limp.

Dead.

Again.

Aya stumbled back.

Horror flooding her chest.

“…What did you just do?”

He didn’t respond.

Didn’t even seem to hear her.

Another zombie lunged.

He killed it instantly.

Then another.

Then another.

Like nothing had happened.

Like he hadn’t just—

Aya’s grip on her knife shook.

“No,” she whispered. “No, no, no—”

The last zombie dropped.

Silence fell.

Heavy.

Deafening.

Aya stared at him.

He stood in the middle of it all.

Covered in blood.

Breathing unevenly.

And then—

He froze.

His body tensed.

His head lowered slightly.

“…Go,” he said quietly.

Aya didn’t move.

“What?”

“Leave.”

Her heart pounded.

“What did you do?”

“I said leave.”

His voice came out sharper this time.

Dangerous.

Aya swallowed hard.

Her instincts screamed again.

Run.

Now.

But her feet—

Still didn’t move.

“You bit it,” she said, her voice shaking. “Why would you—”

“I couldn’t stop.”

The honesty hit harder than anything else.

Aya’s chest tightened painfully.

“What does that mean?”

Silence.

Then—

“It means I’m losing control.”

Aya’s breath caught.

The words felt final.

Real.

Terrifying.

He turned slightly.

Not fully facing her.

Like he didn’t trust himself to.

“If I lose it completely…” he continued, voice lower now, strained, “I won’t know the difference anymore.”

Aya’s grip tightened on the knife again.

Her heart was racing too fast.

Her thoughts—

Too loud.

“What are you saying?”

A pause.

Then—

“…I’m saying if that happens—”

He finally looked at her.

And this time—

There was no hiding it.

The hunger.

The darkness.

The thing inside him.

“Kill me.”

The words shattered something in her chest.

Aya shook her head immediately.

“No.”

“You have to.”

“No!”

Her voice cracked.

Echoing through the bunker.

“I’m not doing that!”

“You won’t have a choice.”

“I’ll find another way!”

“There isn’t one.”

“You don’t know that!”

“I do.”

His voice softened slightly.

But it didn’t make it better.

“If I turn fully… I won’t stop.”

Aya’s vision blurred slightly.

Her grip on the knife trembled.

“I said no,” she whispered.

A beat.

Then—

“…You’re still the same.”

Aya flinched.

“Shut up.”

“You hesitate.”

“I said shut up!”

Her voice broke this time.

Real.

Raw.

For a moment—

Neither of them spoke.

Then—

A distant sound echoed.

Not zombies.

Something else.

Aya wiped her face quickly, forcing herself to focus.

“…What was that?”

He didn’t answer immediately.

Listening.

Then—

“…Not them.”

Her stomach tightened.

“Then what?”

A pause.

His expression shifted slightly.

More alert.

More serious.

“…Something worse.”

Aya’s heart dropped.

Of course.

Of course it couldn’t just be zombies.

Slowly—

He stepped toward the tunnel again.

Aya hesitated for a second.

Then followed.

Because now—

She wasn’t just dealing with the dead.

Or him.

But something new.

Something unknown.

And deep down—

She had a feeling.

This was only the beginning.

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