Chapter 5 — Maybe That Way It Hurts Less

Ekaterina

The light exploded through the room.

I stirred, uncomfortable, still half-lost.

Until I felt hands pulling me without gentleness.

"Wake the fuck up."

The shock made me sit up fast in bed.

Confused.

Terrified.

The sheet rose automatically, covering my body while I tried to understand what was happening.

But when I looked at Viktor—

I knew something had changed.

His gaze was cold.

Hard.

Dangerous.

Nothing like the man who'd been kissing me hours ago.

"Who sent you?"

Viktor pointed a gun at my head.

My throat dried up instantly.

I froze.

Fear locked my entire body.

"I... I needed the money..."

My voice broke in the middle of the sentence.

The tears started to burn in my eyes.

"I didn't have a choice..."

But he didn't seem to believe a single word.

Viktor moved closer.

And that terrified me.

"Who. Sent. You."

Each word of his seemed heavier than the last.

My body started to tremble.

And I simply broke.

"Ivan Orlov."

The name came out through tears.

And the silence that followed felt suffocating.

Viktor pulled away from me immediately, running his hand over his face as if he were trying to control his own rage.

I curled up tighter in the bed, gripping the sheet hard.

With shame.

With fear.

"Let's go... spit it out."

I started explaining everything through tears.

The law office.

The money.

Lis's surgery.

The proposition.

The bar.

Each word made me feel more humiliated.

Dirtier.

More stupid.

"I needed the money... it's for my sister's surgery..."

My voice broke completely.

But Viktor just let out a cold laugh.

Without any humor.

"Stop crying. You're getting on my nerves."

That hurt more than it should have.

I tried to wipe my face quickly.

Tried to stop shaking.

But I couldn't.

Then he grabbed his phone and called someone.

His father.

I heard everything in silence.

Every word deepening my desperation.

"Ivan Orlov."

"He set something up for Maxim."

"The woman he used at the bar—she's with me."

Used.

The word cut through me like a knife.

Because in that moment—

I understood exactly what I was to them.

Nothing.

Just a disposable piece.

After the call, Viktor simply walked out to the balcony, leaving me alone in that enormous room.

I hugged my knees against my chest, trying to control the crying.

But I couldn't.

Everything had gone wrong.

Everything.

The minutes dragged until he took another call.

This time his expression changed.

Got heavier.

More serious.

I heard only parts.

"Olga got hurt... but she's fine."

My stomach dropped.

My God.

It was so much worse than I'd imagined.

So much worse.

When Viktor came back into the room, I could barely look at him.

He opened his wallet, pulled out some bills, and tossed them in my direction without even really looking at me.

"For the night."

My throat closed immediately.

"Get lost."

The money sat scattered on the bed.

Like payment.

As if I were exactly the kind of woman he believed I was.

The tears fell silently down my face while I got dressed fast, trying to ignore the pain crushing my chest.

I said nothing.

Because there was nothing to say.

Before leaving, my eyes stopped on the bills scattered on the bed.

And I simply couldn't bring myself to touch that money.

Not after everything.

Not after the way he'd looked at me.

So I left.

Carrying with me only the shame—

and a completely shattered heart.

I walked out of the room with my vision blurred by tears.

Every step hurt.

My entire body felt heavy, but it was the pain between my legs that reminded me of everything that had happened in that room.

Of the way he'd looked at me at the end.

As if I were dirty.

As if I really were what he'd thought I was.

As soon as I stepped out of the hotel, I hugged my arms against my body, trying to hide the red dress—far too flashy now.

Far too shameful.

I should have saved money.

Taken a bus.

Thought about the cost.

But in that moment I just wanted to disappear from there.

So I got into the first cab I saw.

During the entire ride, I stared at the city through the window while tears ran silently down my face.

I tried to wipe them.

Stop.

But I couldn't.

Because it hurt.

Hurt more than it should have.

When the car finally stopped in front of my house, I paid quickly and practically ran to the door.

The moment I got inside, I locked everything behind me.

The silence of the small house swallowed me immediately.

And I finally collapsed.

I went straight to the bathroom without even properly turning on the lights.

I ripped that red dress off my body as if it were burning my skin.

Then I stepped into the shower.

The hot water fell over me for long minutes.

But it didn't wash anything away.

Not the shame.

Not the humiliation.

Not the way Viktor said "for the night" before tossing money on the bed.

My chest squeezed so tight I could barely breathe.

I scrubbed my skin slowly, trying to get his scent off me.

Maybe that way it would hurt less.

Maybe that way I could forget that, for a few hours—

I'd actually thought he'd looked at me like I was something that mattered.

After the shower, I got dressed slowly.

As if my body were still too exhausted to keep going.

But I needed to get to the hospital.

Needed to see Lis.

Because near her, everything always seemed a little less unbearable.

The sky was already starting to lighten when I arrived at the hospital.

The moment I walked into the room, Lis broke into an enormous smile.

"You took too long, Kathy."

The guilt hit me immediately.

I tried to smile back.

Tried to pretend I was fine.

But my sister always noticed.

Always.

She frowned that tiny little frown of hers right away.

"What happened? Are you sad?"

My heart ached.

I shook my head quickly.

"No... I just worked too much."

She studied me for a few seconds as if trying to decide whether to believe me or not.

Then she smiled that sweet little way that always destroyed my heart.

"After I have my operation, I'll work too so I can help you."

I refused immediately.

Firmly.

"No."

I moved closer to the bed and tucked a strand of blond hair behind her ear.

"You're going to study, Lis."

She made a tiny pout.

"But you work so much..."

My throat closed for a moment.

Because she shouldn't notice those things.

Not at her age.

I held her small face between my hands.

"You're not going to be like me."

The sentence came out lower than I wanted.

Because the truth was that I didn't want Lis to know what desperation felt like.

Didn't want her to have to choose between dignity and survival.

Didn't want her to look at the world in fear all the time.

I just wanted her to live.

That was all.

So I kissed her forehead for a long time and forced a smile.

Even with my heart still in pieces inside.

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