Chapter 1

I'm having a fucking panic attack. My hands are wet, my breath is faster. I can't do this. What if he's not made for me and I couldn't handle it.

I opened window and took a deep breathe.

"Shit. What I have to do? I don't want to marry him. I don't want..."-I started to cry.

......................

The ceremony started 20 minutes ago. But I'm driving away from my future. I don't want to marry him. He isn't mine. He will find something better than me. He DESERVES someone better than me.

My phone was turned off, and I don't know how many calls I've got from him or my family.

I stopped at the beach parking area and got out of the car.

I sat on the sand and looked to the beach. The sunset was amazing.

I didn't know I was crying until someone tapped my shoulder and gave me a hankie.

"Your girlfriend left you?"-asked.

"No. Boyfriend. But I left him, not he."-I cough.

"I'm sorry."

"I just felt like he's not for me."-I looked up and met the most beautiful shade of green eyes.

"Is something on my face?"-He started to touch his face.

"N-no. Just... Your eyes are really beautiful. I'm Andrew."

"Oh, thank you. I'm Louis."

He sat next to me, and we stayed in silence for a moment.

"You know... I'm used to this feeling too. I'm gay too. Not only that, but I had a lot of boyfriends and all asked me to marry them. First, I said I will. But then I left them all next to the sanctuary. I said to myself that they're not for me. I wanted to meet someone. Someone that lives my crazy and dirty mind. Someone who fell for me and I won't have any doubt to marry him. I know, you just left the wedding ceremony, but I have no doubt that I want to know you better. But I don't know if you're okay with it."

No one had ever opened that much to me. Maybe, he's really in love with me.

"I hate sea. I mean, I hate blue. But all the time when I mess up, I drive here to calm down myself. To think about what just happened. Maybe, I have a fear to drown. But it helps me to focus."-I've never opened that much to a stranger, but somehow I feel safe next to him.

"I love sunflowers. But I hate yellow color. Maybe, because yellow was my favorite color until it became my nightmare.

"Is it bad, if I ask you why?"

"My sister died on the yellow bedclothes. I hold her hand for a few seconds until I got sick of yellow. Of her yellow dress, shoes, nails, hair. But I loved her. And still love her even if I hated her."

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