What Does It Mean to Truly See Someone?

Thinking about what I could become: A writer, a literature student, everything I ever wanted to be, yet somehow nothing at all. My heart burns with hope, wanting to conquer my own world and my own life, yet my hands shake, my eyes cannot even focus on myself, and my brain keeps rumbling with thoughts about the past, a past that is not even important anymore.

Sometimes I wonder why I think so much about people who probably do not even remember me. And this is not about one person, but almost everyone in my life, even my own father. I think so deeply about others that sometimes I stop and ask myself, “Why can I not think about myself that way too?”

This loser personality of mine always rushes to imagine the ending before even finishing the second line. I begin to write, then suddenly everything goes numb again. It makes me wonder if I can ever truly finish what I started.

People would probably call me selfish for speaking so much about myself, but they have never really seen me. And that brings me to a question ' what does it truly mean to see someone? Is it looking at their face? Seeing them every day? Watching them every second?'

For me, it is not that.

To truly see someone is to understand their mind, their thoughts, the beauty hidden in their language, and the way they choose to see others.

Beauty is a difficult concept.

Beauty and love !?!?!!

It’s watching two people destroy themselves for a feeling they called love.

Like Romeo and Juliet choosing death over a world without each other, or Laila and Majnun turning madness into devotion.

Beauty is when love stops being gentle and becomes obsession , when it ruins sleep, pride, logic, and still feels worth it.

The cruel part is that the most unforgettable loves are rarely the healthy ones.

yet the thought of being in love just sounds unbelievable to be in it .

And there the BEAUTY there's a line from the Coco Chanel I remember :There's no ugly woman in the world just lazy one.

So where do I stand ?

Nothing. Nothing, nothing… just nothing.

I do not even know who I am or what I am. Am I even something at all?

Whenever these questions rise inside me, I stand in front of the mirror and look at myself again. Then I ask, What am I? Lazy? A loser? A nerd?

But even calling myself a nerd feels like I am insulting every nerd on this planet no the entire universe.

So I look again.

What do I see? A tired young Mortal trying to call themselves handsome, charming, worthy ,beautiful ! But the moment those words leave my mind, I look at myself once more and feel as if I am joking… lying to myself so badly that even the mirror begins to feel fake.

How great am I at the work of being a loser?

And where is the person I keep trying to become…?

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