journey Started

it's already 8 am, i overslept, i need to hurry. Let's get ready to start the journey. Bus was already standing outside the house till I come out, everyone has gathered together, the bus about to start 😀 so excited. I'll be sitting with my cousins, we are going to listen music and have fun during the journey. It has started.

Today weather is looking like it's going to rain 🌧️ but that's just a plus point, this cold air is so pleasant, i think today I can actually enjoy this long journey without getting motion sickness. I hope the weather will be like this the whole time.

We are enjoying since we can still use network, i downloaded all my favourite dance songs, wedding songs and mv's, but it looks like I'm going to suffer, we are not even halfway and I'm already starting to feel tired, i know the next step, I'm going to vomit the whole journey that's left, I have medicine for this but they just don't work on me , i have experienced this many times, that sweet taste of medicine even gives me more trouble than help, I'm already hating this rainy weather, I know it's not weather's problem, but I'm just upset with myself. 🥺

Why can't I enjoy anything without getting sick, I'm feeling terrible 😔 sometimes I even hope that God should just give me a hand, and take my life. I wish to die than suffer like this, if you were going to let me live, why didn't you give me a healthy body, and if I don't have a healthy body why did made me love the things that I can never enjoy. I hate it, i hate everything.

When you are suffering, you will only remember bad things, other than my bad health i don't really have any problem in my life, or probably that's already a big problem, and there is no room for other small problems 😉

Anyway I hope I just don't get sick after reaching their, and God bless me, i don't get my periods, although it's not the time of my month but it's an speciality, I'll get my periods when I am feeling extreme emotions, it doesn't matter what kind of emotions, every year my family will go to travel, and it's always a place with famous temples.

I'll always get my period, at the exact time of going, my mother even doubt if I am just not liked by god's. 😅 otherwise I'm fine other time but not when it comes to going to temple, although it happened mostly but I still believe I'm loved by god's, otherwise why will I always get extra care even from strangers, when I think about it, i have never met bad people, you can't say it's just because I have never been away from home or i have not met many people.

It's just because he (lord almighty) loves me , that's why he only sends good people in my life.

My wish is to die peacefully without any sickness, just beautifully when I'm looking my best, when I'm happy, when I'm near him(lord almighty)

It's indeed a strange wish, considering I'm only in my early thirty's, but I still wish for a death like that, i think death is something that is about to take place anytime, it's the eternal truth, so I'm always wishing for my final moment to be not very painful.

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