I Hate Leeron

‎I hate Leeron.

‎I hate how he always looks so carefree.

‎I hate how he always looks confused whenever I glare at him.

‎I hate how he keeps asking if he did something wrong.

I hate how he looks at me with such a smile that it's irritating.

I hate that I have to see him everyday.

No matter how many times I tell myself to stop looking, my eyes always find him anyway. It's annoying. It's exhausting. I wish I could just ignore him like everyone else does. But somehow, the more I try, the more impossible it becomes.

‎Sometimes he catches me staring at him.

‎Then he gives me that confused look.

I want to slap him.

‎And I hate how he acts like everything is normal. And every day, I hate him a little more.

‎Not long ago, he asked me why I hated him.

‎I wanted to answer.

‎But I couldn't.

‎So I stared at him and walked away.

There are words sitting in my throat that refuse to come out. Every answer I could give would mess everything up in the wrong way. I can't tell him, not ever. Every explanation sounds impossible and too much for me to bare. So I stay silent, hoping he'll stop asking before I completely fall apart.

‎Sometimes I wonder if it'd be easier if I hated him for real.

‎Maybe then my chest wouldn't hurt every time I looked at him..

‎Maybe then I wouldn't keep watching him from across the classroom.

‎Maybe then I wouldn't care.

‎But I do.

‎That's why I hate him.

‎I hate him because he was mine first.

‎And now, I'm becoming a stranger to him.

.....

‎He's forgetting me...

‎If I knew this would happen, then I shouldn't have loved him.

‎And I hate him for doing this to me.