Chapter 3 : Shattered

​For the next couple of days, we went to a lot of places together. We visited an art gallery where he liked staring at luxurious paintings as if they held deep, hidden meanings. I did not really understand the art, but I think he did. Casual coffee shop dates, going to an amusement park and spending a long time talking about random things, our dreams I should've met him way before is the only thing that came into my mind each time we spent together.

​one day we went to an orchard garden that belonged to him. I loved it there. I ran through the rows of trees, plucking fruit until I found a perfect apple. I ran back and showed it to him, asking if he wanted a bite. He smiled and nodded.

​I bit my lower lip, smiling and panting from the running as I walked closer to him. "I'm tired. Where can I sit?" I looked around the open space, and then I simply sat down on his lap. "Uhm, comfortable."

​He was no longer uncomfortable with me doing things like this. I cut the apple in half with my own hands and asked, "Do you like orchards that much?"

​He smiled faintly. "My sister liked them."

​That was completely new information for me. I had never known he had a sister, and I wondered why she never came to see him. "Oh, I have never seen your sister. Why doesn't she ever come to visit you?"

​"I was wondering that too," he said casually. "Maybe God is not allowing her to come out of heaven."

​I blinked, feeling a sudden wave of guilt for even asking. "Alex, I am so sorry."

​"What, are you feeling sympathetic?" he asked, chuckling. "Come on, Cassie. I never saw a sympathetic look on your face when you first saw me."

​He was laughing, but I could see right through him. It was completely forced. Without thinking much further, I put a piece of the apple into his mouth, and then I leaned forward and crushed my lips to his.

​His eyes widened in shock. He stayed completely still for a long moment, and then he kissed me back. It was slow and deep, as if he had been craving this just as much as I had. His tongue entwined with mine, and the sweet taste of the apple flooded my mouth. In that exact moment, I knew for certain that I was deeply in love with this man.

​After that day, things became incredibly awkward between us. He constantly made excuses to leave whenever we were in the same room, and I only ever got to see him at night. Unlike him, I was not feeling awkward. I was just annoyed by his behavior. I knew exactly what I had done, and I had done it because I wanted to. I wanted to confront him, but for some reason, seeing him look so panicked was actually cute.

​After a week of his running away, I finally cornered him in the bedroom. "Why are you hiding whenever you see me?" I sat down on the edge of the bed, staring directly at him, but he refused to make eye contact.

​"Did I hide?" he muttered. "Maybe you are just imagining things."

​I stood up and knelt down right in front of him, resting my head close to his. "Yeah, sure I am. Come on, Mr. Romantic. Don't be such a scaredy cat. It was just a kiss, and I am your wife. Why does it matter? I enjoyed doing it, and didn't you enjoy it too?"

​He finally stared back at me. "What a foul mouth you have, Mrs. Danvers."

​"Guilty as charged," I retorted with a smirk. "So now tell me, did you like the kiss?"

​He smiled faintly. "Yeah, I did. You are always one step ahead, doing unexpected things."

​I giggled, feeling genuinely happy for the first time in a very long time. "Guilty as charged again."

​I wrapped my arms around him and helped him into the bed, laying down right beside him. We tangled ourselves together closely. I took his limp arm and placed it gently over my shoulder, resting my head against it. "Goodnight, husband."

​I drifted off to sleep incredibly fast. It had been days since that horrific nightmare had bothered me. I thought that maybe, just maybe, I had finally found a place that could save me from my past.

​"Cassie, throw the eggs at her face! Yeah, she deserves to be treated like that. What a weirdo!"

​"Was your family raised on the street? Why do you always dress like a beggar?" I laughed out loud, shoving her head forcefully into the school closet.

​She was panting heavily, scratching at my hands to break my grip. I pulled her out by her hair and slapped her face hard. "You fucking piece of shit, how dare you scratch me?"

​"Oh my god, Cassie, you should see a doctor before that gets infected. She probably carries some kind of virus."

​I scoffed in utter disgust while the others shoved her back into the dark closet.

​Suddenly, the entire environment went pitch black. I looked around, but the other girls were gone. There was no one left. "Iris? Where are you?"

​The only response was a faint, mocking giggle. I spun around desperately until I saw her. She was standing right on the edge of the high school terrace, smiling down at me.

​"No, please don't jump!" I lunged forward. I told myself I would save her this time. I would change everything. But my legs wouldn't move. Why couldn't I move?

​"You think you can live a happy life after ruining mine, Cassie? No, never."

​She stepped off the ledge, and I slumped to the ground, screaming and crying, completely consumed by regret.

​"Cassie, wake up. Can you hear me? Cassie!"

​I desperately sought the owner of that voice, wanting nothing more than to see him. I opened my eyes and scrambled upward, sitting up suddenly as I took a long, ragged breath. I was breathing heavily, tears streaming down my face.

​I glanced to my side to ensure he was still there. My Alex was still there for me.

​I threw my arms around him, hugging him tightly as I wept out loud. It was messy and pathetic, but I couldn't stop. He did not say anything at first, just laying there silently beneath me.

​"Why did I do that?" I sobbed into his chest. "Why did I live like that? I am a murderer, Alex. I don't deserve to live. I should have died instead. I killed her. It is because of me that she is dead."

​"Can you calm down and tell me everything slowly?" he asked. His voice was completely calm.

​I whimpered, trying my best to control the shaking in my voice. "I lived my life like a total bitch ,was pushed into a boarding school at a young age, to be true I were nothing but a coward who felt superior by picking on poor people. My dad always covered up my wrongdoings, and that was enough to make me keep going. Until I spotted her. Iris. I didn't know much about her. She was a transfer student from the States during our high school times, and she seemed like the perfect target. It started with just verbal taunts, but it wasn't enough, so I started physically abusing her. I am a monster, Alex. I killed her."

​​"Continue. Tell me exactly what you did to her."

​I glanced up at his face. He wore the exact same expression I had seen back at the hospital. It wasn't happiness, and it wasn't outright anger. It was something else. Was it disgust? No, he wouldn't look at me like that.

​"Alex?"

​"I said continue, Cassie Barrett." He repeated my name coldly.

​"I thought I would eventually lose interest in picking on her and let her go," I whispered, trembling. "But then I caught my boyfriend kissing her behind the school one day. From that day on, I don't know what happened to me. I shouldn't have done it, but I used to let all my anger out on her every single time. I never thought she would actually end her life right in front of me. I begged her not to jump. I ran to save her, I promise I did, but before I could catch her, she fell. I shouldn't be alive, I know that."

​"Then why are you still living?" Alex's voice cut through the room like ice. "You are saying all this, but you are glad she died, aren't you? Instead of attacking your pathetic boyfriend who forced himself on my sister, you targeted her. Why? Because you knew you were too weak to fight him."

​My eyes went wide, filled with absolute horror as I stared down at him. "Alex?"

​"You cut off her hair. You made her drink the dirty closet water. You slapped her, and you burned her arms with cigarettes, and you expected her not to give up on her life? What did you lose from it? Nothing. And because of you, I am living like a dead person."

​I stumbled away from him, falling backward off the bed. I couldn't believe my ears. I was trembling violently as I stood up. How could I face him? What could I possibly do?

​"I lived my whole life for my one and only sister," Alex continued, his eyes cold and dead. "When she told me about all the bullying, I only had one thought in my mind. I wanted to murder that filthy woman. I should have done it back then. If my sister hadn't stopped me, if she hadn't reassured me that everything would be okay, she might still be here. I should have come. I should have killed you back then. Your father is the most corrupt man I have ever seen. That filthy bastard went to extreme lengths to save his murderer daughter. Do you wonder how I ended up in this physical state? This is your precious daddy's gift to protect his so called criminal daughter. And now, he is living in the exact same paralyzed state as me. He must be happy, right?"

​He let out a cruel, hollow laugh. Each chuckle struck my heart like a physical slap.

​"I felt half satisfied when I put him in that state," Alex whispered. "But it won't ever be completely fulfilled until my sister gets justice right Cassie?."

​That was the exact moment the horrifying truth hit me. My dad hadn't fallen from the building accidentally. It was him. Alex did it. Yet, I didn't feel a single shred of pity or hatred. I didn't deserve to feel those things when my own hands were dripping with blood. It was the blood of his only sister. I had ruined a family. I had ruined his entire life.

​I wiped my eyes, my voice completely broken. "I am so sorry. No, I know sorry means absolutely nothing. Just kill me. End my life. I deserve it."

​

​He did not say another word to me that night.

​I did not have the courage to speak to him again either. The beautiful fairy tale I thought I had finally found had shattered in an instant. Days passed slowly, and I suffered every single day under the weight of his freezing, cold shoulder. Yet, I still took care of him. I didn't know if there was anything more painful in the world than the person you love most in the world start to hate you.

​Then, out of nowhere, we took a trip to Switzerland. I foolishly thought he was finally beginning to forgive me. I held onto a tiny shred of hope. The weather was incredibly nice that day, and Alex didn't look quite as cold. The Swiss air was windy as we walked along the path for a long time without saying a word.

​Finally, I stopped. I fell to my knees right beside his wheelchair, resting my head on his lap as I cried softly. "I really do regret how I lived before, Alex. I never once felt true happiness after her death until I met you. I am telling you the absolute truth."

​I lifted my head to look at him, but he was just staring back at me nonchalantly.

​Desperate for a sign of life, I leaned up and kissed him, praying with everything inside me that he wouldn't push me away. To my surprise, he kissed me back. I held his cheek, deepening the embrace as fireworks suddenly began to explode across the night sky. It was our very first New Year together. That night, we stayed together, and I slept securely by his side, believing I was finally forgiven.

​The very next morning, we arrived at a sterile hospital room. Lenin and Erica were already there waiting for us. I squinted my eyes, completely confused by what was happening. Lenin wouldn't even look at me, and his eyes were bloodshot and red. Erica looked exactly the same.

​I looked around the room, a sudden, unknown fear gripping my chest. "What is happening here?"

​"It is time," Erica said. I noticed that her sharp voice cracked slightly.

​Alex looked over at me, a faint smile on his lips as he nodded for me to lean down. I lowered my head, and he kissed my lips softly one last time before pulling away.

​"Live a happy life, okay? I know you have suffered enough."

​I was still completely in the dark, looking at everyone desperately for an answer, but Alex was already being wheeled away by Erica into the back rooms.

​I turned to Lenin, panicking completely. "Lenin, please tell me what is happening!"

​Lenin tightened his fists, his voice shaking. "He is undergoing medically assisted suicide. It was already legally confirmed long before you ever entered this house."

​My eyes flew wide open. I spun around to run after Alex, but before I could even take a step, Lenin caught me, holding me back tightly. "Madam, please. He already signed the papers. Don't cause trouble now."

​I screamed at the top of my lungs, scratching at his arms violently. "Why? Why? He cannot do this! I will save him! I cannot lose him, please let me go! Please!"

​My voice gave out completely, and my legs collapsed beneath me. "How could you just let this happen?"

​Lenin remained entirely silent. Maybe he knew better than anyone that Alex was not a man who would ever back down once his mind was made up.

​Three months later.

​Dear Cassie Danvers, my dear wife,

​I wish I could have lived a little longer with you, actually. I love you so...so...much that it hurts. At first, my only intention was to take revenge on you for what you did to my sister. But when I saw you for the first time, I actually wondered if you were really that same cruel girl, or if I had accidentally targeted the wrong person.

​As time moved on, I realized I couldn't hate you. I couldn't hate the girl who observes everyone to escape from the real world,the girl who tried her absolute best to bring happiness to a useless, paralyzed man. I realized I couldn't hurt her. But living in a world without my sister is simply too hard for me. And I never wanted to be a husband who couldn't provide the basic needs to his wife.

​Cassie, I want you to know that I don't hold any hatred toward you anymore. After all, is it really necessary to take revenge on someone who is already living in a never-ending misery? I have already signed all my property and wealth over to you, so live your life exactly how you want. Be the journalist you always wished to be. Travel the world with someone you love. Buy a beautiful house for your mother.

​With all my love,

Alex

​I finished reading the letter for the hundredth time. I looked up, glancing at his tombstone resting right next to the one marked Iris.

​"I guess it was better to die than to live with me, right?" my voice trembled against the quiet wind.

​What dreams could I possibly have left without the only person who had ever brought real happiness back into my life? The only person who had painted vibrant colors onto my stark white canvas was gone.

​Perhaps this was the ultimate, most devastating revenge he could have ever taken on me. Just as he said, I would spend the rest of my days trapped in a never-ending misery.

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