waiting for his call

I was in office busy with my stuff but I always remember him . I messaged him call me 7pm today evening. in evening on terrace I am waiting for his call from 6:45pm. it's 7pm I messaged him call me I am waiting for your call.that day I don't remember whether he call me or not .

but today it's 25dec I said him on 24dec to call me on 25dec but he said ok .. whole day I waited for call but he called me at night approximately 10pm for 5sec to accomplish his task to call me.

why I don't find guts in me to leave him ..now I wanted to him forever he always left me several time we got separated always I left without him ..but why I don't find guts to say him leave me . I wanted to say him today that just leave me forever please don't contact me don't be touch with me 5-6year I want to forget you.

he said he came to make my life easier but I am not finding my life easier it's being tough for me everyday .I don't feel happy it's like poisonous relationship for me.

with me he had so many restrictions that not to call him, he never send his pic, not to message him, if we do video call no screenshot even once he blame for video call I took his screenshots.

I am feeling like I had loved him is enough ..this now enough. he cannot be mine how much I put effort and be good with him. may be I am someone else match .. although he said me I am set to free. so he don't have feeling toward me he is still think I m his plaything and he is still playing with my feelings.

why I am not feeling guts to say him I want to give time myself I want to now love myself ..I am not happy with you .. whatever I tried in my life to make you happy in thought but don't even do the things to make me happy ..I am not complaining I am comforting myself I want to set free myself but without you. please stay away from me .I want to misunderstand once again . you know I m in love with you already. but you are not. please if you want to come in just come or leave me forever. you said if you applied for passport...ok u wanted to sent me ok you can ...after that you won't message me right ...I will accept that last time too ..u want me in ur friendlist ok I will accept someday. please I want to be happy ...

I want to be with you I want to be love by you I want you ...I want so many things but sometime something you won't get ..I am satisfied that .and also I realise I can't get you ..i felt now you don't love me anymore.

still I am dilemma .. hoping to find out with thought as still I am not clear with my thoughts and not having guts to leave still I am same position. still I am taking your rude behaviour . still .....

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