A rebound wife

"Sorry kung ngayon lang ako nakauwi, babe."

The voice of my husband was tight, strained and shaky when he spoke as the smell of liquor instantly crept to my nostrils. Napabuntong-hininga na lamang ako kasi lasing na naman ang asawa kong umuwi galing sa trabaho.

"Ginabi ka yata sa work mo, babe," panimula ko at sinalubong siya ng mahigpit na yakap. Nasa labas pa kami ng bahay at ramdam ko ang paghampas ng malamig na ihip ng hangin sa mukha ko. The November breeze reminds me of how our relationship is going on— cold, detached and indifferent.

Hindi pa nakatatatlong hakbang si Drake ay mukhang matutumba na siya dala ng kalasingan kaya 'di ako nagdalawang-isip na alalayan siya papasok ng bahay.

"I love you, Alessah," he whispered out of the blue as I gently placed him on our soft, white mattress. "Thank you for taking care of me whenever I get drunk, babe. I love you."

Bigla kong dinamba ang naghuhuramentado kong puso. My cheeks suddenly flushed in a deep shade of red. Ganito si Drake 'pag lasing. He'd become the sweetest man in the world whenever he gets drunk and I love it.

"Salamat sa lahat, asawa ko. Mahal na mahal kita," bulong niya habang nakapikit ang mga mata.

"This is nothing, babe. Asawa mo ako kaya obligasiyon kong alagaan kita." I smiled as the butterflies went crazy inside my stomach.

Pinagmasdan ko lang si Drake habang natutulog at 'di ko maiwasang maluha at panikipan ng dibdib.

"You'd become my husband when you get drunk, Drake. Pero kung mawala na ang kalasingan mo ay parang hindi mo ako asawa kung tratuhin," bulong ko habang naluluha.

Drake and I were married for two years at akala ko mas lalong magiging masaya ang aming pagsasama 'pag may basbas na ng Diyos pero nagkamali ako. I've realized that marriage is just only the beginning of a relationship.

—

Kinabukasan ay pinagluto ko si Drake ng pagkain para baunin niya at akala ko matutuwa siya pero nagkamali ako.

"Tangina mo! Sabing ayaw ko ng luto mo!" Pinandilatan niya ako ng mata.

"Pero baka gutu—"

"YOU ARE ONLY MY WIFE IN PAPER, ALESSAH! ALAM MO SA SARILI MONG HINDI NA KITA MAHAL! MARRYING YOU WAS TOTALLY MY BIGGEST REGRET!" sigaw niya.

Nanghihina ang mga tuhod kong napatingin kay Drake habang tahimik kong dinadamdam ang paninikip ng dibdib ko. Ang dami kong gustong isumbat sa kaniya pero tila walang lumalabas na salita sa bibig ko.

"You are my bad decision, Alessah! Ang tanga ko lang kasi nagpakasal ako sa babaeng hindi naman ako sigurado kung mahal ko ba talaga!" tiim-bagang na sigaw niya.

Mas lalong nanikip ang dibdib ko. 'Di ako makahinga sa bawat katagang binabato niya sa akin. His words were garnished with venom and it stung so much.

How could he say such things in front of me when I knew that I gave everything?!

Bago pa makaalis si Drake ay nagsalita pa siya na mas lalong nagpadurog sa puso ko.

"If you'd think na may iba ako, tama ka! Pero ikaw 'yong iba ko, Alessah! Kasi bago ka pa dumating, nandiyan na si Sheena sa buhay ko! We are just like dominoes. I fell for her and you fell for me!"

After awhile, he walked out without mending my chaos mind and swelling heart.

Gusto kong matawa sa sobrang sakit. Mahal pa pala niya 'yong bestfriend niya. Sana pala hindi niya na lang pinaabot sa kasalan ang aming relasiyon.

I want to hate him but at the end, I still love the man who hurt me and broke my heart into pieces.

The afternoon came and I received a message from Drake's bestfriend.

"I know you hate me for messing your relationship, Alessah. I've done so many repulsive things against your relationship without any ounce of regret. Yes, you are right. It all started at the exact moment you think it did— the night we double-dated. Remember he made me laugh that night and how that made you feel? Your instincts were right. Drake and I were cheating on our partners. He cheated on you and I am cheating to my husband. Huli na no'ng narealize kong mahal ko pala siya no'ng ikinasal na ako sa iba. That's why cheating was our last resort, Alessah.

Kaya huwag ka ng magtaka kung lasing siyang umuwi sa 'yo kasi nasasaktan siya sa nangyari sa aming dalawa. He wanted me to be back, Alessah. Mahal na mahal niya ako.

Cheating on you, he could live with it. But hurting me, he couldn't bear it."

Marahang bumuhos ang mga luha ko sa mga mata habang hawak-hawak ang naninikip kong dibdib. At the end of the day, ako pala ay isang babaeng walang karapatan sa kaniyang asawa.

Sumapit ang gabi at lasing na naman si Drake na umuwi. And as usual, sobrang sweet niya sa akin.

This is how our relationship went. Nagiging asawa ko siya 'pag lasing siya pero 'pag bumalik na siya sa kaniyang katinuan ay sinisigawan niya na ako na parang sising-sisi siya na nagpakasal siya sa akin.

"We already migrated in US with my husband, Alessah. I'm sorry for causing you trouble. Hindi na kaya ng konsensiya kong may ibang taong nasasaktan sa ginagawa namin ni Drake kaya nagpakalayo-layo na ako. Again, I'm really sorry. I know you hate me and you always will, but I'm still hoping for your forgiveness, Alessah."

'Yan ang huling text sa akin ni Sheena at hindi ko alam ang dapat kong maramdaman. Because as of the moment, all I want is to let go of my man and escape from my toxic relationship.

All my life, I asked why everyone left me but I've realized that I've been asking for the wrong question.

I forgot to ask myself, why did I stay?

Kaya pagkauwi pa lang ni Drake ng bahay ay kinausap ko na siya.

"Nandito na ako, babe," nalalasing na salubong niya sa akin.

I just threw a cold glance at him and he was a bit terrified with my actions.

"What's with that stare, babe? Huwag ka na malungkot, nandito na a—"

Before he could even give me a hug, I pulled him away. And with that little action, I felt drain in an instant.

There, I realized that it really needs a huge energy to unlove the person you love the most.

Exhaling deeply, I stared at my husband with tears in the eyes.

"Let's end our relationship, Drake.."

Kita ko ang sunod na pag-iling niya habang tahimik kong dinadamdam ang hapdi sa dibdib ko.

"No... Nandito na ako, babe... I love you.."

"You are here not because you wanted me back, Drake. You are here because you wanted to rebuild yourself again. I am your wife but you just treated me like a temporary shelter you could abandon anytime when you are already complete."

Suno-sunod na pumatak ang mga luha sa mata ko. My throat tightened and I couldn't breathe properly.

"I've done so much to save our relationship, Drake. I even chose to be a willing victim, a rebound wife, always ending up choosing you over my pain and over my pride. I've been in a broken past and you knew that, Drake! Pero mas masakit pa pala ang ibinigay mong sakit kaysa sa nakaraan ko!"

Iyak lamang ako ng iyak sa harap niya. Mahigpit ang pagkakahawak ko sa bagaheng naglalaman ng aking mga gamit.

"Babe... sorry.. Nandito na ako, hindi na ako aalis.." pagmamakaawa niya.

"No, you are here not for me but to regain what you lost in yourself. Kasi 'pag nasasaktan ka kay Sheena, sa akin ka pumupunta and I don't want to settle as your rebound wife."

With tears in my eyes, I still managed to smile at him.

"I love you so much Drake but I have to let you go because when it comes to you— I always lose myself."

—

Words by: moiress

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